Monday, February 27, 2006

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain

Apparently a new law has just passed simultaneously in Japan, the US, and New Zealand, saying that if you have a blog, you must post the following Chuck Norris facts:

  1. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

  2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

  3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

  4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

  5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Chuck Norris loves you.

  6. Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

  7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

  8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.

  9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

  10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

  11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

  12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

  13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people.

  14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

  15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

  16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

  17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

  18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

  19. When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

  20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

  21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

  22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

Thanks to Matthew for notifying me of the new law, thus saving me from undoubtedly hefty fines. Or maybe a visit from The Chuckwagon himself.

SFB, you'd better tell your brother to step up and provide a Steven Seagal list, or else I shall declare Chuck Norris the Baddest Bad-ass of the Blogosphere!


Jason said...

Damn those kick ass!

SFB said...

It's not so much that Chuck Noris is the baddest dude in the blogosphere, well he is the guy that actually was in a movie with Bruce Lee.

I see it more like this, regardless of the parts that they have both played in movies Seagal is the bad guy the black sheep. Chuck Norris was a legitmate bad ass and a world champion when he was younger, Seagal while I'm sure he could kick my ass now and most certainly could have hip tossed me into another dimension is really just an ass.