Thursday, March 23, 2006

Analyse this Technique / Tech Process

Having not written much here as of late (business ensued, vacation intervened, etc.), I feel ashamed.

Things have occurred that are of sufficient import to warrant their own blentries, and I may get around to writing them (or not--who can tell, knowing me): Ian and Briana came to visit, we went to Kyoto, were nearly eaten by a giant crow, etc.; the weather sucks; the plum trees are in bloom but the sakura are taking their sweet time; Japan won the World Baseball Classic (hurrah! and that just goes to show that Democracy beats Commie Pinko Reds every time, Fidel Castro!); Lyani and I have watched two of the big Oscar pictures: "Good Night, and Good Luck" (Lyani's pick for Best Picture so far), "Brokeback Mountain" (my pick so far).

Oh yeah, but the point of this entry is that I have been reading my email, and I decided that I am highly amused by the language in emails that we send to vendors, requesting a price quote. So let me present a tremendously literal translation of one of them (details of the request have been altered, both so I don't get in trouble for revealing proprietary information that could be used to bring down the company, and so that it is funnier) for your reading pleasure.

To Lord Suzuki of the Japan Mouse Wheel Company, K.K.,

This is Fujiyoshi from Amazon Japan. We humbly accept your assistance.

I am filled with guilt to trouble you in such a busy time for your honoured self, but would it be possible for us to receive the great honour of a quote on the following two items?

Part no. X7180A, mouse wheel, grey (10)
Part no. V963, mouse wheel ball bearing (20)

This is terribly troubling, but we humbly request this favour.

"OK, so you are polite to vendors. So what?" you might be thinking. Well, let me assure you that the above pales in comparison to some of the polite language in intra-office emails. Contrast this, as Dave Barry did, with American companies, where it is common to greet your co-worker thusly: "Bob, you hairy sonofabitch! How's that ugly wife of yours?"

And to continue the great tradition of exiting with a poignant song lyric, how's about:

Purple haze, and I don't know why. 'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

1 comment:

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