Analyse this Technique / Tech Process

Having not written much here as of late (business ensued, vacation intervened, etc.), I feel ashamed.

Things have occurred that are of sufficient import to warrant their own blentries, and I may get around to writing them (or not--who can tell, knowing me): Ian and Briana came to visit, we went to Kyoto, were nearly eaten by a giant crow, etc.; the weather sucks; the plum trees are in bloom but the sakura are taking their sweet time; Japan won the World Baseball Classic (hurrah! and that just goes to show that Democracy beats Commie Pinko Reds every time, Fidel Castro!); Lyani and I have watched two of the big Oscar pictures: "Good Night, and Good Luck" (Lyani's pick for Best Picture so far), "Brokeback Mountain" (my pick so far).

Oh yeah, but the point of this entry is that I have been reading my email, and I decided that I am highly amused by the language in emails that we send to vendors, requesting a price quote. So let me present a tremendously literal translation of one of them (details of the request have been altered, both so I don't get in trouble for revealing proprietary information that could be used to bring down the company, and so that it is funnier) for your reading pleasure.

To Lord Suzuki of the Japan Mouse Wheel Company, K.K.,

This is Fujiyoshi from Amazon Japan. We humbly accept your assistance.

I am filled with guilt to trouble you in such a busy time for your honoured self, but would it be possible for us to receive the great honour of a quote on the following two items?

Part no. X7180A, mouse wheel, grey (10)
Part no. V963, mouse wheel ball bearing (20)

This is terribly troubling, but we humbly request this favour.

"OK, so you are polite to vendors. So what?" you might be thinking. Well, let me assure you that the above pales in comparison to some of the polite language in intra-office emails. Contrast this, as Dave Barry did, with American companies, where it is common to greet your co-worker thusly: "Bob, you hairy sonofabitch! How's that ugly wife of yours?"

And to continue the great tradition of exiting with a poignant song lyric, how's about:

Purple haze, and I don't know why. 'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Smile Like You Mean It

Best band I'd never heard of until two months ago? The Killers. And Holy Crap, but are they ever good! If you like rock music that is good and does not suck, you owe it to yourself to buy their debut album, "Hot Fuss". Better yet, since Amazon ruleth most righteously, you can listen to sample clips of every song on the album before choosing to buy. If you need to make up your mind, I recommend starting with track 2, "Mr. Brightside", and listening to each clip all the through track 7, "On Top". If that does not convince you that you must own "Hot Fuss", there is most likely something wrong with you.

I almost called this entry "All These Things that I've Done", but then I realised that I have actually only done one thing thus far. The other things are in the pipeline, and I will tell you about them when they are actually Things that I've Done and not just Things that I Would Like to Do but We'll See.

The Thing that I've Done is as follows: there is this groovy Firefox extension called rikaichan, which does inline lookups to Jim Breen's EDICT Japanese dictionary when you simply hover your mouse pointer over a word. Since a picture is worth 1,000 yen words, clicky clicky on the screenshot pictured at left, which shows me using rikaichan on Amazon.co.jp's page for NATSUME Souseki's Kokoro (夏目漱石著 こころ).

So that is what rikaichan could always do. What I did is made the extension also work in Thunderbird, the Mozilla email client. This was mainly to scratch an itch of my own: reading email in Japanese every day. When I got it working, I sent a patch to the author, and he included my work in his next release (0.5.8 for those of you who are keeping score). Clicky clicky on the screenshot to the right to see rikaichan working in Thunderbird.

Finally, I just got assigned to lead a fairly big, important project at work. One that Must Be Complete by May 31. The good news is, if I do a good job, my name will ring out. The bad news is, if I make a mess of this, it could break everything and we will go out of business. Well, OK, we won't go out of business, but people will consider me a Small Tima, and laugh when they see my name in printed form.

This is actually good for me, because I do not make a habit of messing up. In baseball terms, I am a pretty decent choice for who you would want coming up to bat with two outs in the bottom of the ninth. I seem to work pretty well when stakes is high.

And before I go, let me leave you with this jewel: even mechanics walk around with their tool.

Честита Баба Марта!

To all the Bulgarians in the house.

For the rest of you, I will update this entry later with an explanation. SFB might remember this: the First of March, red-and-white bracelet. Ringing bells, Chall?

Update: The Meaning of Баба Марта

From Wikipedia:

Baba Marta (Баба Марта, meaning Grandmother Marta in Bulgarian) is the name of a traditional Bulgarian custom celebrated on March 1 each year, symbolizing the coming of the spring season. Bulgarians wear martenitsi (singular martenitsa) to observe the occasion. The martenitsi are signs of good luck and health.

I have celebrated the First of March for the past three (or four? five?) years with my wife Delyana (a Bulgarian, for those of you who have not figured this out yet) by tying on a red-and-white мартеница (martenitsa). According to tradition, when you see the first stork of spring, you should remove your martenitsa and tie it on a tree. Of course, Wikipedia being the fount of knowledge that it is, I just discovered that in some parts of Bulgaria, you put your "spent" martenitsa under a stone, and depending on which insect happens along first, your luck for the year is set.

So for me, the second half of February is always something to look forward to, for we will be receiving martenitsi in the mail from each of Lyani's relatives. So come the first of March, we have a huge selection of martenitsi from which to choose. Lyani's approach to this "problem" is simply to wear her favourite four to seven, while I--concerned with being "manly"--choose to wear only one minimalistic bracelet. The others, we place around the house.

Of course, this year, Yatsu demanded a martenitsa for himself, which he has been wearing as a necktie. According to him, it has brought the good luck it is supposed to; apparently his consulting business is doing better than ever before. When pressed about the actual nature of his consulting work, he tends to answer something like, "I develop high-value solutions focusing on efficiency, both process- and materials-oriented, based on the exact needs of the client, and taking into consideration the external factors congruent to the scenario."

OK, bear, whatever.

Bulgaria has lots of interesting traditions, so I will attempt to keep you foreigners appraised of them as they become seasonal. :)

Speaking of which, today (March 3) is Liberation Day, a public holiday that commemorates the liberation of Bulgaria from Ottoman rule, in 1878.

Kids in Candy Stores Should Not Throw Glass Slippers!

...or something very much like that. (You know, as an aside, why is there not a MetaphorMixmaster.com, where people post the most ridiculously shaken-not-stirred metaphors that they have heard? If any--either?--of my readers can point me to a repository of mixed metaphors on the 'Net, it will probably net you some free Amazon.co.jp swag.)

So the point of this entry is to share with you how wonderful it is for this lifelong reading addict to work in the Fulfillment Center that is responsible for servicing all of Amazon.co.jp's book orders. You know, like a kid in a candy store?

Seriously. Our warehouse contains more books than any brick-and-mortar bookstore in the world, I would imagine. It is longer than a football field (to Americans, that should mean 100 yards; to the rest of the world, 100 metres) and at least half as wide. That is a lot of books, and it takes a long time to walk past them when I have to visit the warehouse floor for some systems administration action.

There is some drooling, but I am careful not to get it on the merchandise.

I love books. If you love me, why not buy me some? :)

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain

Apparently a new law has just passed simultaneously in Japan, the US, and New Zealand, saying that if you have a blog, you must post the following Chuck Norris facts:

1. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.


2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Chuck Norris loves you.


6. Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.


7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.


8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.


9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.


10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.


11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.


12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.


13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people.


14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.


15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.


16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.


17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.


18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.


19. When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.


20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.


21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.


22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

Thanks to Matthew for notifying me of the new law, thus saving me from undoubtedly hefty fines. Or maybe a visit from The Chuckwagon himself.

SFB, you'd better tell your brother to step up and provide a Steven Seagal list, or else I shall declare Chuck Norris the Baddest Bad-ass of the Blogosphere!

Pouring Beer, the Kirin Way

Not only does my wife not disapprove of my beer habit (probably because I have managed to lose about four kilograms since moving to Japan), but she even encourages it.

To wit:

She came home excitedly last Friday, after a tour of the Kirin Brewery (established in Tsurumi-ku, Yokohama in 1907 with help from Thomas Glover, the Scottish trader), claiming that not only had the tour left her with a powerful thirst for the juices of the barley, but that she had also mastered a fell new pouring technique that was guaranteed (she claimed) to increase the flava four-fold fo' sho!

So I picked up the Asahi "All Malt Beer" sampler pack last night, and Lyani demonstrated the secret Kirin pouring technique, which I shall now reveal to you, oh fortunate reader of my blog, since I fear not the Kirin ninja that are surely being dispatched to dispatch me, even as you read these very words!

Oh yeah, the pouring technique. Here goes:

1. Find yourself a fine beer mug.
2. Purchase a good lager or pilsner--stout requires a slightly different pouring technique.
3. Set the glass in a well-lit place and open the can of beer.
4. Position the can about a centimetre (half an inch, roughly) above the rim of the glass and start pouring.
5. Immediately move the can 12-15 centimetres (about five to six inches, I think) above the rim, still pouring. (Actually, the only reason that you start lower is to prevent spilling, which is a mortal sin, you see.)
6. As soon as the head rises near the top of the glass, stop pouring. You should have exhausted between a third and a half of a normal 350 mL can (12 oz, right?).
7. Wait for the head to settle so that the glass is half beer, half head.
8. Start pouring again, starting from a centimetre or two and immediately raising the can to 12-15.
9. Stop pouring when the head threatens to overflow the glass.
10. Wait again, this time until the glass is four parts beer to only one part head.
11. Position the can about two centimetres above the rim, right in the middle of the glass, and pour slowly into the centre of the head.
12. Pour until you empty the can or the head gets too high, whichever comes first. Because of the way you pour, the head should be concave, and it should safely sit almost two centimetres above the rim of the glass. Purty!
13. Wait! I know it looks good, but wait maybe 20 seconds for the head to settle before taking your first pull.
14. Put your lips on the rim of the glass and drink deeply. Make sure not to drink the head; let it hit your upper lip and form a tasty moustache, which you should feel free to loudly slurp off only after you have put your glass down.

Enjoy responsibly!

Leave it to the Japanese to engineer every process down to the most efficient. :)

The Political Compass

Thanks to Sad Faced Boy for pointing me to The Political Compass. Here, once and for all, is where I stand politically:



Gee, this should surprise like, no-one that has ever read my blog or met me. :)

I guess a little explanation is due. From the page:

---

There's abundant evidence for the need of it. The old one-dimensional categories of 'right' and 'left' , established for the seating arrangement of the French National Assembly of 1789, are overly simplistic for today's complex political landscape. For example, who are the 'conservatives' in today's Russia? Are they the unreconstructed Stalinists, or the reformers who have adopted the right-wing views of conservatives like Margaret Thatcher ?

On the standard left-right scale, how do you distinguish leftists like Stalin and Gandhi? It's not sufficient to say that Stalin was simply more left than Gandhi. There are fundamental political differences between them that the old categories on their own can't explain. Similarly, we generally describe social reactionaries as 'right-wingers', yet that leaves left-wing reactionaries like Robert Mugabe and Pol Pot off the hook.

That's about as much as we should tell you for now.

---

So take the test, and if you want to, feel free to share the results in the comments section. Just paste in the "Show graph on separate page for printing" link that shows up beneath the graph of your results.

Toilet Humour

This is to quell all the cries of "more wacky Japan posts, foo!" that have been raised recently.

I get to the office every morning at 08:00, which is roughly far too early. I mean, seeing that I have to get up at 06:00 every morning in order to make it to the office by 08:00.

It just so happens that 08:00 is also the time when the men's bathroom is cleaned (or at least, the first time of the day--seems like they give it a quick cleaning every hour or so). I always pop in there to wash my hands after getting off the train (you know, health first and all), and sometimes the large cup of coffee that I drink on the train warrants a little bladder relief, as well.

And why, you may be wondering, am I going into far more detail about my daily urination routine than you strictly need to know?

I am setting you up for another installment of "Life in Japan is Wacky", that's why! (Silly rabbit!)

You see, the cleaning ladies are, well, ladies. And they most certainly do not vacate the bathroom when I say 「ちょうっといいですか？」 (chotto ii desuka--"may I?"). Nor do they leave when I head for the urinal, stand there meaningfully, unzip my trousers... etc. They remain there, doing their cleaning thing, for the duration of my, erm, work.

This is not an unusual thing, either. In some buildings in Japan, they will close off the restroom while it being cleaned. In some, they will not. And quite often, you will be in there, taking care of some business, when a cleaning lady waltzes in and goes to work on the urinal right next to you.

If you are American, this will shock the shite out of you (though not literally, one hopes) the first time or time it happens.

If you are Japanese, on the other hand, this is not surprising at all. The reason for this being, of course, that segregation of the sexes is a relatively recent development in Japanese toliet and bathing facilities. To this day, you can still find mixed-sex toilets. They are relatively rare in Tokyo, but out in the 田舎 (that would be inaka, or "country"), you can probably find one or two.

Even in Tokyo, it is not at all uncommon--in a bar or small restaurant--to find that the joint has but one toilet, single occupancy. Of course, this is not terribly worrisome for men, since there will not be women in the same room as you when you are trying to take care of some important stuff.

Co-ed 温泉 (onsen--hot springs) are also still existent in Japan. I personally have not been to one, and have no real desire to be naked with strange women (before you start the nudge nudge, wink wink-ing, remember that, statistically speaking, many of these women will not be models, actresses, and J-Pop songstresses).

OK, so that is difference from men's bathrooms in the US number one: there may be women present.

Difference number two? In the US, as all men know (but women apparently do not?), talking at the urinal is strictly verboten! Talking at the sink is frowned upon, but allowed in some circumstances, I suppose.

Japanese men, while thankfully observing all the same rules of urinal selection that we use in the West (namely, maximise the number of unoccupied urinals between you and the next guy), have no such reluctance when it comes to cracking jokes, continuing conversations, etc.

Which is quite awkward for me, let me tell you. I have gotten used to the cleaning ladies by now, but having another chap talk at you while you are trying to concentrate on, well, the matter at hand, is quite off-putting.

And there you have it: Crazy Japan Stories.(TM)

いい天気ですね！

Japan and America are really not so different: the most commonly uttered bit of small talk is "nice weather, eh?" in both cultures (well, that trailing "eh?" may be a Canadian thing that I picked up from somewhere). In Japanese, this brilliant flash of insight is rendered thusly: いい天気ですね！ (ii tenki desu ne!).

But today, gentle--and not-so-gentle, in the Kohler's case--reader, today did feature some astoundingly spring-like conditions, as can be seen clearly at left (if one clicketh upon yon image, forsooth! one shall be conveyed by strange and eldritch magicks to a certain eldar scroll, upon which thou shalt perceive the portents of today's meteorological activities).

(Sorry about that; my Muse apparently played too much Dragon Warrior back in the day.)

UNABDOC

I cannot believe that I have not blogged about this yet, given that I have been sitting on this news for like two weeks!

Lyani and I have been selected to sit on the United Nations Atomic Bomb Dismantlement Oversight Committee when it convenes on 04 April, 2006, right here in Yokohama!

This is Big News, my friends, Big News.

1 7074llj pwZ0r 9m41l!

I just noticed that I had a particularly auspicious amount of spam in my Gmail account (see the image at left, and don't forget to clicky clicky to view the fullsize version).

Just in case you are at a loss as to the significance of this, I shall now proffer a Wikipedia link. Huzzah!

This is Getting Ridiculous

Eh?

I was browsing SourceForge--a popular Open Source development site--and came across the following "advertisement" (clicky clicky for the fullsize version):



So let me get this straight: Microsoft is paying SourceForge to "advertise", but is just spreading anti-Linux FUD, and SourceForge (which has, presumably, a huge vested interest in Linux) is allowing this bullshit to continue? WTF?

Just the Facts, Ma'am

Just had another earthquake about an hour and a half ago (2006/02/01 20:48 JST / UTC +9), this one tipping the Japanese intensity scale at 3 here in Central Yokohama.

Bigger than the last one, not The Big One.

The epicentre was in Chiba, however, rather near where I work. Hope my desk is not a mess when I go in tomorrow... ;)

Like I said before, I think Japan is the most prepared country in the world when it comes to quakes. I would prefer not to experience a serious one, but I feel pretty good about the infrastructure in place to deal with earthquake and fire here.

How You Know When You've Found the One

...perfect job for you. What, did you think I was going to wax--or wane, depending on your point of view--intellectual on matters of the heart again?

Let me explain: I just spent the last hour on Amazon.com. It started innocently enough, with me just looking up some of the new releases from Safari, to see if any were worth "bookmarking" in my Technical wishlist (hint hint?).

Veteran Amazon shoppers will probably already be shaking their heads in bemusement over my naïveté.

You see, whenever you are foolish enough to add something to your wishlist, Amazon is helpful enough to show you what other people who shopped for that book also shopped for, as well as what other people who shopped for items contained in your wishlist also shopped for. Since my Technical wishlist (got that link yet, kids?) is chock full o' excellent technical books, this is a damned useful feature. To wit (you will probably want to clicky clicky so's you can read-y read-y):



Of course, this can be a huge time sink, and worse yet, for Amazon employees, you can wind up owing your soul to the company store.

But seriously, if you work for a company and still think your product is great, that is probably a good sign.

Slowly Spinning Planets

And other thoughts provoked by my time on commuter trains.

I was riding the Keiyo Line train from Ichikawa-Shiohama to Tokyo--the first leg of my return commute--the other night, and the train was pretty sparsely populated. This is probably because it was only 17:00.

Let me explain. I used to work from 09:00 to 18:00 every day. Just Wednesday, it was Decided that we should start working two shifts: one from 08:00 to 17:00, and the other from 10:00 to 19:00. So Thursday, I got to go in late but come home late, and on Friday, I got to wake up at 05:40 in order to catch a train at 06:40 and get to work by 08:00.

But I did get off at 17:00, and this put me on a non-crowded Keiyo Line train--which was my original thrust, remember? And it is an important fact that the train was not crowded, for the two seats across from me were vacant. When the train hit a section of track that was banked so that my side was slightly lower than the opposite side (which I was facing), what to my wondering eyes should appear but a rather fantastic optical illusion!

There are a lot of lights in the Tokyo Metropolitan Area. The trains almost all run either underground or on elevated tracks. The Keiyo Line runs most of the way from Chiba to Central Tokyo on the latter.

And with all of this data, can you guess what I saw?

No? Well allow me to explain. The lights from out the train window behind me were being reflected on the window in front of me, which was serving only partially as a mirror; it was also giving me a view of the lights on the other side of the window. What this added up to was something that looked very much like a spinning galaxy. The reflection of the lights behind me, superimposed on the window in front of me, which was also displaying lights far beneath the train and out towards the sea, moved in such a way that it looked like nothing but a galaxy spinning slowly on a starfield.

Nice!

Another interesting optical illusion offered by trains traversing elevated tracks at night is the "space bubble effect". Wherein the passengers of a distant train which happens to be running parallel to your own train, illuminated by the interior lights of their train, look like there are flying through space in a transparent craft.

I wonder if this has anything to do with how they dreamed up Galaxy Express 999?

Notes

This is lunacy! Well, you know my views...

One of my co-workers, a certain Sato-san, is a graduate of none other than West Virginia University. He spent four whole years in scenic Morgantown, and professes his admiration for the natural beauty of the Wild and Wonderful state (you know, "Blue Ridge Mountains, the Shenandoah River?), but also admits to being pretty bored for about three years, 364 days, and--he supposes--about 23 and a half hours. He also refuses to watch "Deliverance", but he won't say why...

I had to sign approximately 27 (well, OK, more like five) birthday cards today. Apparently everyone in my office was born in January. My inscriptions for most were fairly prosaic, but when it came to the aforementioned Sato-san's card, I had to break creative. The Japanese version of "happy birthday" is 「誕生日おめでとうございます」 (tanjoubi omedetou gozaimasu), but I noticed that on the card, most of the ever context-sensitive Japanese had simply written 「おめでとうございます」 (omedetou gozaimasu), which means "congratulations"; since it was in a birthday card, the occasion for congratulations had already been established, you see.

In case you were wondering, Japanese is one of those languages where you are allowed to omit the subject when it is understood from context. In fact, you are encouraged to omit the subject except when it is introduced or changed, lest you emit stilted Foreign Devil-style Japanese. Yuck! In fact, you are also allowed to omit particles, verbs, any other word that is understood from context, and the ending phrases of many (most?) sentences? So you can convey an awful lot in Japanese without actually saying much.

In this spirit, I simply wrote:

お。ご。
ITのグラバー・ジョシュ

or, in the romaji:

o.go.
IT no Guraba- Joshu

which in English would be like writing:

H.B.
Josh Glover from IT

If you cannot figure out what that means, aks my dad! ;)

I have broken into the top 1000 Wiki contributors at work (I am actually number 738 as of the last time the statistics were generated; perhaps I will be higher next time the stats come out)! Hurrah!

This basically means that I write a lot of documentation. Which is A Good Thing(TM).

PRIDE (In the Name of Love)

Remember the 男祭 / Otoko-matsuri / Man Festival? Well, when Lyani and I were at Narita AKA "Tokyo" International Airport, we saw none other than this dude, making a withdrawl from the bank:



And who might he be--aside from an ex-KGB wetworks specialist--you may ask? None other than Fedor Emelianenko, the current PRIDE FC heavyweight champion.

Whether he actually had a bank account, or just threatened to punch the teller repeatedly in the face until she capitulated. Which is exactly what he did to Zulu (pictured at left) during the 男祭.

Lyani and I were both a little too scared to ask him for an autograph. :)

What a Girl Wants

Is not necessarily the same as what a girl needs.

So yeah, I'm back from the Evil Empire / United States... Sorry, I just could not refuse taking a dig at Ronald Reagan. I was reading the Washington Post on the way back from America, and they had a sidebar mentioning how all two-term presidents in recent history (starting with my personal hero, FDR), had record-low approval ratings coming into their fifth year in office, and what they did about it. In talking about Reagan and how he was able to shrug off the Iran-contra Scandal by the end of his fifth year, the Post managed to give him credit for ending the Cold War.

Huh? So Reagan's fundamentalist rantings about how communism was the root of all Evil and how the Soviet Union was the Evil Empire, his desire to build a space-based missile defence system at a cost of hundreds of billions or trillions of dollars, while not cutting back on nuclear arms productions... Reagan ended the Cold War? It had nothing to do with Gorbachev basically telling Reagan that the Soviets were going to dismantle their nuclear arsenal, and whether the US chose to do so was up to us?

OK, now that I have gotten my usual liberal ranting done, here is a rant on a topic that is decidedly abnormal for this blog. I used to, back in school, have all of these thoughts about various topics that I would write down in a notebook I kept. Then, I realised that most of my thoughts weren't as good unless I talked them over with people. Luckily, a few years later, I have found a wife who is (at least) my intellectual equal, and who even puts up with my long-winded way of thinking out loud.

But I just realised that now I have a blog, and what are blogs for if not thinking out loud? So, thanks to the Internet, you can tune into my thought processes any time you dare! Not that this will mean that my poor, long-suffering wife will be spared my rants, of course. :)

So finally, to today's topic: what a girl wants.

I have seen a lot of movies in my time, and read a lot of books. Most fiction is escapism, and escapism tends toward the romantic. Most people who know me also know that I am a bit of a romantic. I am a bit sappy, and yes, I have been known to mist up a little bit whilst watching, say, "Anne of Green Gables" (gee, Mom, wonder where I got that trait?). So I am not the sort of guy to shy away from romantic comedies. In fact, the romantic comedy (and no, Matthew, "Scarface" does not qualify, I don't care what you say!) genre is probably one of my favourites. Granted, I like them a little wittier than "Bring it on Again" (which I refuse to link because I don't want you actually buying that shite), but I do like them.

Romantic comedies, more often than not, are concerned with the question of what a girl wants; in fact, some of them even put that right out there in the title (I will link this one, but be warned: it is not the best movie in which Colin Firth has ever appeared)!

And unfortunately for the women of the world, most of them get it dreadfully wrong, or at least communicate the wrong idea to the Sensitive Male of the 90s. Or 00s, I guess, though the Sensitive Male seems to have gone a little out of style after his mid-90s heyday.

You see, romantic comedies teach us men to be everything the woman wants. Be supportive, be "emotionally available" (whatever that means), be romantic, be spontaneous, be funny, and above all, be good looking. While I personally don't have a problem with any of these requirements (heh heh), they can create big problems for a relationship.

Here is what I mean: women may want guys who are all of these things, but women really need a guy who is willing to be himself (though they may not realise this). I know from personal experience that trying to be Super Guy, the best boyfriend in the world, makes you a shitty boyfriend. Why? Because she may be happy, but she is not getting to know you. You know, the real you? The guy who sometimes gets irritable in the morning before his second cup of coffee, the guy who stays up too late working on his computer, the guy who actually cannot stand her annoying friend, the guy who has no real fashion sense besides what he sees in programming magazines. (None of these examples have anything to do with me, by the way; I'm just putting them out there.)

And sooner or later, you get tired of being the Super Boyfriend, tired of pretending, tired of putting her first. And then you dump her. Or maybe she sees through your charade and dumps you. Or maybe she wants Super Boyfriend, and when she sees that is not really who you are, she dumps you.

In any case, it ends with tears, hard feelings, etc.

This is the part that the romantic comedies do not show you. And I don't blame them: that sort of thing makes for a pretty depressing movie. (Before you ask, yes, I do know about "Hi Fidelity", which actually does show this happening. Great movie. Watch it!)

But, drawing on my vast reservoir of personal experience, I can tell you that when you are yourself, and it doesn't work out, it tends to not work out faster. You know, before the L-bomb has been dropped and everyone is really invested. And hell, sometimes it does work out, as evidenced by my matrimonial state.

There is a good lesson that can be gleaned from some romantic comedies, though: fate. Stop trying so hard to find a girl, fellows. In my experience, when you are relaxed and confident, she might just find you. Or you might find yourselves picking up trash together in rural Japan. Whatever. Just go with the flow, man. ;)

Wow, was that me writing all of the above? I promise that the next entry will be more like what you have come to expect from me: bad language, far-left liberal-fringe lunatic opinions, off-colour jokes, and commentary on life in Japan.

But Valentine's Day came early. What can I say?

Coming to America

As I mentioned in the previous entry, I will be heading to America for my sister's wedding. So if you are one of those lucky few who know how to get in touch with me (standard email addresses and my dad's phone number apply), I will be Stateside for a week.

See you there!

The Good, The Bad, and the Busu

Git yer Japanese on!

2005 is over. Has been for a few days now. However, I have been doing all of my living in meatspace rather than the 'Sphere, so you have not heard from me in awhile. Sorry about that.

So here is a recap of my holiday season to make up for not blogging in so long.

Christmas Eve

Lyani and I made the long and arduous trek out to Mauro and Mizue's for a Christmas Eve party. Much fun was had, many of Mauro's rugby player, model, and rugby player / model friends were met, I was much admired by Mauro's friend's three-month-old-baby, and Lyani was jealous. We had to make an Indiana Jones-like escape from the party in time the catch the last train home. Not kidding, I had to wedge the train door with the handle of my bullwhip whilst Lyani dove in.

But we made it home, and decided that since it was now...

Christmas

...we would open our presents! We got tonnes of Bulgarian food from Lyani's family, which Lyani made for Christmas dinner, much later. Lyani got some Yuzu CDs that she had been wanting ever since she met one of the two band members at an IUC event in Yokohama (turns out that one of her colleagues from the IUC may now be dating that guy--which is my second connexion to a famous dude, the other being the fact that a friend of a friend went on a date or two with Larry Page, of Google fame. I got a TViX M3000U! Good lookin' out, Lyanka! :)

After opening presents, it was nearly 02:00, so we decided to go to sleep. When we woke up, I threw open the curtains hopefully and was delighted to see that a fresh snowfall had erased the urban ugliness of Kotobuki-cho, covering everything with a soft blanket of white.

And if you believed that, I have some oceanfront property in Ohio to sell you...

(For the slow of wit, that means that I was lying about the snowfall. Ain't seen any yet this winter, ain't likely to. Stupid Kanto!)

OK, despite the lack of snow, Lyani and I spent a wonderful Christmas together, culminating in a traditional Bulgarian Christmas dinner, complete with ракия and then White Russians for dessert--had to put two of Lyani's Christmas presents (blue label, baby!) to good use!

Tragically, since Christmas fell on a Sunday, I had to work the next day. And work I did! For the next five days, I was busy hacking on Firefox, working some sweet XUL / JavaScript magic for an IT project here at work.

Of course, there was also some play. On Thursday night, we met a friend of ours from Kanazawa named E-chan (well, his name is actually 江沢・英光--EZAWA Hidemitsu) and a new friend of his who is currently studying at Kanazawa. We met at Tokyo Station so we could see the Tokyo Millenario (pictures here), a year-end celebration of lights. It was nice, but cold! While we were huddled in the shivering masses (there were a lot of people there), I got a call from Ota, saying he had just gotten back from Narita. He had been in the States for the better part of December, had just gotten back, and now had to go to his company's bonenkai the very same night. Now that is dedication (to drunkeness)!

Anyway, after the lights, we went to Hokkaido Ramen for a little something something. Drank hot sake, got warmed up, called Pura, another good friend of ours from those heady Kanazawa days, etc. Rode the train home.

On the next night, we got together with Ota at Shinagawa for a little bonenkai of our own at an izakaya. Fun was had, beer was drunk, various unified field theories were discussed, Lyani was bored out of her mind. Heh heh, just kidding. She was only bored out of her mind for the 15 minutes it took for me to explain my Firefox hack in excruciating detail to Ota. Excruciating for her, I mean; for Ota and I, it was exhilerating! Under my expert tutelage, Lyani has come a long way on the road to true geek 1337 Jedi Master bad-ass-hood, but she ain't quite there yet. Give me time; in less than a year, I expect she will be speaking C as well as she speaks English and Japanese. ;)

Saturday night was

New Year's Eve

Ota's aunt and uncle--who live just four stops down the Negishi Line (AKA the Keihin-Tohoko Line) from us in Yokohama--were foolish nice enough to invite us down to their place for the evening. It was quite a party! It started out with just Lyani and I, Ota and his girlfriend, his aunt and uncle, their middle daughter and her boyfriend (who was in the jieitai for nine years--freakin' sweet!). We whiled away the time by watching NHK's 56th Annual 紅白歌合戦 (Kouhaku Utagassen, or "Red vs. White Song Battle!")--which I am happy to report was won by White, thanks almost entirely to excellent performances by tha Fli-zo and Maik to tha K. However, the channel was soon changed, for the manly men arrived!

And by manly men, I mean the Master-san of a local izakaya, one of his bartenders, and one of their favourite customers, a chap they called "Japanese Mafia". Seriously, they called him 「ジャパニズ・マフィア」！本当！まじ！その他。。。

Sorry about that, non-Japanese readers. I would translate, but I don't think the joke would survive. Actually, come to think of it, it might not have even been funny in Japanese. 「寒エー！」, as my Japanese co-workers might say (that was samui, pronounced in a Tokyo badass accent, which usually means "cold", but in the context of a joke, it means that it sucked).

Right, so where was I?

Oh yeah, "Japanese Mafia". This dude really did look like a member of la cosa nostra. The fact that he was wearing a sweater that featured two cute puppies being cute probably made him even more frightening. Seriously, he was a nice guy. I just wouldn't recommend borrowing money from him... ;)

So these men were manly, and that meant only one thing: the PRIDE 男祭り (otoko-matsuri, which means "manly festival")! PRIDE is basically an (almost) no-holds-barred fighting league, similar to K-1, except it allows grappling, and disallows kidney-punching in tie-ups. Lyani was horrified at the violence, which basically makes it a good sport, by my definition! ;)

So, men being men, we had to make the fights a little more interesting by way of a friendly wager or two. Actually, two, to be exact. Both of which saw me double my ¥1000 bet, both times at the expense of "Japanese Mafia". Heh heh!

In retrospect, taunting him might not have been so wise...

In any case, the New Year came, and we popped out to the balcony to watch the fireworks. Ota's uncle lives on the 29th floor of the "Yokohama Scenery Tower" (yeah), so you can see everything from up there. In fact, I might have seen the fireworks at Gypsy Hill Park! ;)

After the fireworks, Lyani and I headed home, but the rest of the people went out for the traditional shrine and temple visits, bell ringing, arrow burning, and so on.

We watched a little "Ally McBeal", then went to sleep. When we woke up, it was

New Year's Day

which is the biggest holiday in Japan. To put it in perspective, all of the stores were open on Christmas Day, but even the big department stores were closed on New Year's. The only thing open was the convenience stores and the train stations.

Lyani and I passed the day by watching some more Ally, then when we had exhausted that, some "The O.C.", which despite a penchant for melodrama, is pretty entertaining.

Ota called around 15:00, and we decided to meet him and Sarah at Sakuragi-cho Station at 17:00 for a little tour of みなとみらい (Minato Mirai, which you have heard me talk about more than once--it just looks so cool in hiragana!). I am pretty good at talking about how much Minato Mirai rules (which is a lot, by the way). I have a book on it and everything! Which reminds me, the Wikipedia entry (which I just linked to; clicky clicky if you missed it) sucketh, and most gratuitously thus! I wonder if the entry in the Japanese Wikipedia is any better... oh yeah! Well, I just figured out what I will be doing on the plane tomorrow: translating that into English so I can update the crappy English article!

And why will I be on the plane tomorrow, you may ask? Well, for

My Sister's Wedding!

But that hasn't happened yet, so it doesn't belong in this entry. I will blog about it, I promise, but later. And after I get Rachel's permission to do so! :)

So anyway, we walked around Minato Mirai, then went back to Ota's uncle's place for some much-needed 晩御飯 (ban-gohan, supper). Which was delicious. If you have never tried wasabi roast beef, I would recommend that you get up on some of that. Word.

And I'm out.