jmglov

Using googletest and googlemock in Eclipse

2011-04-29T15:52:00.002+09:00

Since my answer on Stack Overflow doesn't seem to be getting any attention (and thereby helping no-one), I figured I'd post it here. :)

Here's the summary for people already familiar with Eclipse:

Created a new C++ project in Eclipse (I chose Executable > Empty Project)
Downloaded googletest 1.5.0, untarred, and ran ./scripts/fuse_gtest_files.py . /contrib
Back in Eclipse, excluded the contrib directory from the Release build configuration, and added /contrib to the include directories (odd, I know)
Added a src directory and added a class named Foo (see below for the contents of Foo.h--I left Foo.cpp empty for now)
Added a test directory in Eclipse, excluded it from the Release build configuration, added /contrib to the include directories, and added new source files FooTest.cpp and AllTests.cpp (see below for contents)
Built and ran the project

Foo.h

#ifndef FOO_H_
#define FOO_H_
class Foo {
public:
  virtual ~Foo();
  Foo();
  bool foo(void) { return true; }
};
#endif /* FOO_H_ */

FooTest.cpp

#include "gtest/gtest.h"
#include "Foo.h"
namespace {
  class FooTest : public ::testing::Test {
  protected:
    Foo foo;
  };
  TEST_F(FooTest, Foo) {
    ASSERT_TRUE(foo.foo());
  }
}

AllTests.cpp

#include "gtest/gtest.h"
#include "FooTest.cpp"
int main(int argc, char **argv) {
  ::testing::InitGoogleTest(&argc, argv);
  return RUN_ALL_TESTS();
}

Here are the detailed steps:

In Eclipse, open the File menu and select New > C++ Project
Project Type: Executable > Empty Project
Toolchain: Linux GCC
Click Finish
Open a terminal and cd /tmp
wget http://googletest.googlecode.com/files/gtest-1.5.0.tar.bz2
cd gtest-1.5.0/
./scripts/fuse_gtest_files.py . /contrib
Back in Eclipse, right-click on the project folder in the Project Explorer pane, then select Refresh
In the Project Explorer pane, right-click on the contrib folder, select **Exclude from build...*, untick only the Release box, and click OK
Right-click on the contrib folder and select Properties > C/C++ Build > Settings > Tool Settings tab > GCC C++ Compiler > Directories
Click on the Add... button, then the Workspace... button, then select /contrib and click OK to add the directory
Click OK once more to accept your changes to the build settings
Right-click on the project in the Project Explorer pane and select New > Folder, enter src as its name, and click OK
Right-click on the src folder in the Project Explorer pane and select New > Class, name it Foo, then click OK (see above for contents of Foo.h; Foo.cpp can be left as is)
Right-click on the project in the Project Explorer pane and select New > Folder, enter test as its name, and click OK
Follow the steps above to add /contrib and /src as include directories to the test directory
Right-click on the test folder, then select New > Source File to add AllTests.cpp to the test folder, then repeat the same steps to add FooTest.cpp (see above for contents)
Right-click on FooTest.cpp and select Exclude from build..., click the Select All button, then OK
Right-click on the project in the Project Explorer pane, and select Properties > C/C++ Build > Settings > Tool Settings tab > GCC C++ Linker > Libraries, then click the Add... button, enter pthread (required by googletest), click OK to add the library, then OK once more to accept the changes
Hit Ctrl-b to build the project
Hit Ctrl-F11 to run the project
Victory!

nagios-mode for Emacs

2011-04-11T18:01:00.004+09:00

Thanks for nagios-mode.el, Michael Orlitzky! Here's how I achieved syntax highlighting-induced joy for Nagios config files in XEmacs Instant Classic (if you have to ask, you don't deserve to know ;).

Browse to http://michael.orlitzky.com/git/?p=nagios-mode.git;a=blob_plain;f=nagios-mode.el;hb=HEAD
Save file to something like ~/.xemacs/user_lisp/nagios-mode.el
If you haven't already included ~/.xemacs/user_lisp in your load path, do so now by adding the following to your ~/.xemacs/custom.el:
```
(add-to-list 'load-path "$HOME/.xemacs/user_lisp/")
```

Now, load nagios-mode.el by adding the following to your ~/.xemacs/custom.el:

(autoload 'nagios-mode "$HOME/.xemacs/user_lisp/nagios-mode.el"
     "Major mode for editing Nagios config files" t)

Finally, you'll want nagios-mode.el automatically enabled for Nagios config files, so add the following to your ~/.xemacs/custom.el:
```
; nagios-mode
(add-to-list 'auto-mode-alist
     '("nagios-config/objects/.+\\.cfg$" . nagios-mode))
```

You're welcome. ;)

Ruby Light #6

2011-04-06T22:01:00.004+09:00

This is the most complicated bit of meta-programming in Ruby Light so far. Johan and I cooked it up; the beautiful plumbing is his, the basis of the instance_exec rebinding trick is mine.

The intent is as follows: for each request to a Rails controller, redirect unless all of the URL query parameters you get are valid.

And this is how it actually works:

When Rails loads the FooController class:
1. FooController mixes in the ParamsFilter module, resulting in it getting the known_params and parse_known_params class methods and the redirect_if_unknown_params and select_unknown instance methods (et al.).
2. FooController calls the known_params class method to always accept the "limit" and "offset" params, but only accept the "bar" param when the Foo object is of type "bar".
On each request:
1. FooController's before_filter calls its redirect_if_unknown_params instance method.
2. redirect_if_unknown_params rejects unknown parameters using the private select_unknown instance method.
3. select_unknown calls known_param? on each param.
4. If the param has a :when component, known_param? executes its value (which is a block)--and here's the cool part--in the context of the controller instance! This is cool because Proc objects normally operate in the context in which they were defined (i.e. they are closures). Calling instance_eval or instance_exec with a Proc argument (which is not the same thing as a block!) results in the Proc's binding being changed to context where it is called. This results in self, which was the FooController class when the Proc was defined, being set to the FooController instance on which known_param? is executing.

And now, the code:

app/controllers/foo_controller.rb

class FooController < ApplicationController
  include ParamsFilter

  before_filter :redirect_if_unknown_params
  known_params :limit, :offset, :only => :bar, :when => lambda {@type == 'bar'}
  # [...]

lib/params_filter.rb

module ParamsFilter
  def self.included(base)
    base.send :extend, ClassMethods
    base.send :include, InstanceMethods
  end

  module ClassMethods
    attr_reader :known_params

    def known_params(*args, &block)
      @@known_params ||= HashWithIndifferentAccess.new
      @@known_params.merge! parse_known_params(*args, &block)
    end

    def parse_known_params(*args, &block)
      HashWithIndifferentAccess.new.tap do |known_params|
        options = (args.last.is_a? Hash) ? args.pop.dup : {}
        options[:when] = block if block_given?

        args.each do |param|
          known_params[param] = options
        end
      end
    end
  end

  module InstanceMethods
    def known_params(*args)
      @known_params ||= HashWithIndifferentAccess.new
      @known_params.merge! self.class.parse_known_params(*args)
    end

    def redirect_if_unknown_params
      unknown = select_unknown request.query_parameters, request.path_parameters
      redirect_without_unknown_params unknown unless unknown.empty?
    end

    private

    def select_unknown(query_params = {}, path_params = {})
      query_params.reject {|param, _| known_param? param, path_params}
    end

    def known_param?(param, params)
      if options = param_options(param)
        if action_matches_params? options[:only], params
          options[:when].nil? || instance_exec(param, &options[:when])
        end
      end
    end

    def redirect_without_unknown_params(unknown_params)
      # Actually perform redirect
    end

    # [...]
  end
end

Ruby Light #5

2011-04-01T16:20:00.002+09:00

This is a remix of Ruby Light #1, done better (IMHO):

test/lib/redirect_io.rb

require 'stringio'

module RedirectIo
  def setup
    $stderr = @stderr = StringIO.new
    $stdin = @stdin = StringIO.new
    $stdout = @stdout = StringIO.new
    super
  end

  def teardown
    $stderr = STDERR
    $stdin = STDIN
    $stdout = STDOUT
    super
  end
end

test/unit/timestamp_logger_test.rb

require 'test_helper'
require 'lib/generic_test_helper.rb'  # from Ruby Light #3
require 'lib/redirect_io'

class TimestampLoggerTest < Test::Unit::TestCase
  include GenericTestHelper
  include RedirectIo

  LOG_LEVELS = [:error, :warn, :info, :debug]

  def setup
    super  # RedirectIO.setup needs to run

    @logger = TimestampLogger.new $stdout
    @logger.level = Logger::DEBUG
  end

  def test_timestamps
    LOG_LEVELS.each do |level|
      @logger.send level, 'foo'
    end

    @stdout.string.split("\n").each do |line|
      assert_match /^#{TIMESTAMP_MATCHER} /, line
    end
  end

  def test_labels
    LOG_LEVELS.each do |level|
      @logger.send level, 'foo'
    end

    [:error, :warn].each do |level|
      assert_match /^#{TIMESTAMP_MATCHER} \[#{level.to_s.upcase}\] /, @stdout.string
    end
  end

Ruby Light #4

2011-03-11T01:42:00.001+09:00

eval_string.rb

class EvalString < String
  def eval(b)
    b.eval String.new(self)
  end
end

irb session

>> foo = 1
=> 1
>> bar = 2
=> 2
>> str = EvalString.new "foo+bar"
=> "foo+bar"
>> str
=> "foo+bar"
>> str.eval(binding)
=> 3

Ruby Light #3

2011-03-10T00:06:00.002+09:00

This insanity is my own:

generic_test_helper.rb

require 'flexmock'

module GenericTestHelper
  include FlexMock::TestCase

  TIMESTAMP_MATCHER = '\d{4}-\d{2}-\d{2}T\d{2}:\d{2}:\d{2}[+]\d{2}:\d{2}'

  def clear_mocked_method(mock, method)
    return unless mock.is_a? FlexMock

    mock.instance_eval { @expectations.delete method.to_sym }
  end

  def mock_method(mock, method, retval, with = nil)
    mock = flexmock mock unless mock.is_a? FlexMock
    clear_mocked_method mock, method

    if with.nil?
      mock.should_receive(method).and_return retval
    else
      mock.should_receive(method).with(with).and_return retval
    end
  end
end

foo_test.rb

require 'generic_test_helper'
class FooTest < Test::Unit::TestCase
  include GenericTestHelper

  def test_exceptions_are_logged
    exception = nil
    begin
      1 / 0
    rescue Exception => exception
    end

    mock_database_lookups
    clear_mocked_method Bar.instance_eval{@flexmock_proxy}.mock, :find_by_id
    flexmock(Bar).should_receive(:find_by_id).and_raise(exception)

    assert_nothing_raised { Foo.run 0 }
    assert_match /exception caught: #{Regexp.escape exception.message} #{exception.backtrace.map{|str| Regexp.escape(str)}.join "\n#{TIMESTAMP_MATCHER}"  }/,
        @stdout.string
  end
end

LXRing Ruby

2011-03-04T23:46:00.002+09:00

As those of you who follow me on StackOverflow already know (Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?), I need to browse the source code of the Ruby interpreter. Getting no immediate answer, I set up LXR myself:

: josh@josh; cat /etc/issue
Ubuntu 10.10 \n \l
: josh@josh; sudo aptitude install apache2 lxr
: josh@josh; sudo vim /etc/apache2/sites-available/default
: josh@josh; tail -6 /etc/apache2/sites-available/default
Alias /lxr /usr/share/lxr

Options All
AllowOverride All

: josh@josh; sudo vim /usr/share/lxr/http/.htaccess
: josh@josh; sudo cat /usr/share/lxr/http/.htaccess

SetHandler cgi-script

: josh@josh; sudo mkdir -p /usr/share/lxr/source/1.8.7-p334
: josh@josh; cd /usr/share/lxr/source/1.8.7-p334
: josh@josh; sudo tar xvjf /tmp/ruby-1.8.7.tar.bz2
: josh@josh; sudo mv ruby-1.8.7 ruby
: josh@josh; sudo vim /usr/share/lxr/source/versions
: josh@josh; sudo cat /usr/share/lxr/source/versions
1.8.7-p334
: josh@josh; sudo ln -s /usr/share/lxr/source/1.8.7-p334 /usr/share/lxr/source/defversion
: josh@josh; sudo genxref ruby
Starting pass 1: Collect identifier definitions.
(Pass 1) vms/vmsruby_private.c (993), file 1 of 262…
[...]
(Pass 3) identifier 8200 of maximum 17136…
(Pass 3) identifier 8300 of maximum 17136…
Completed pass 3 (0s):Information on 8316 identifiers dumped to disk.
: josh@josh; sudo chmod -R o+r .
: josh@josh; sudo vim /usr/share/lxr/http/lxr.conf
: josh@josh; sudo cat /usr/share/lxr/http/lxr.conf
# Configuration file.
# [...]
# The source is here.
sourceroot: /usr/share/lxr/source/$v/ruby/
srcrootname: Ruby
# [...]

Ruby Light #2

2011-03-03T21:58:00.002+09:00

This is the work of one of my colleagues here at TestFreaks, and is the coolest little meta-programming trick I've seen in a while!

code_timer_helper.rb

module CodeTimerHelper

  # Creates a CodeTimer section around the method 
  #
  def timed_method(timer, method_name, section_name = method_name.to_s)
    eigenclass = (class << self; self; end)
    eigenclass.class_eval do

      define_method method_name do |*args, &block|
        timer.start(section_name)
        begin
          super(*args, &block)
        ensure
          timer.stop(section_name)
        end
      end
    end
  end
end

Ruby Light #1

2011-02-24T22:02:00.002+09:00

The Ruby Light series is for Ruby code dumps that amuse me for one reason or another, possibly including commentary.

Here's the first one:

redirect_stdio.rb

# See: http://thinkingdigitally.com/archive/capturing-output-from-puts-in-ruby/

require 'stringio'
 
module Kernel
  def capture_stdout(out = StringIO.new)
    begin
      $stdout = out
      yield
    ensure
      $stdout = STDOUT
    end

    out
  end

  def use_my_stdin(instream)
    begin
      $stdin = instream
      yield
    ensure
      $stdin = STDIN
    end

    instream
  end
end

converter_test.rb

require 'lib/redirect_stdio'
require 'lib/converter.rb'

class ConverterTest < Test::Unit::TestCase
  def test_convert
    input_data = [
        [  # headers
            'rank',  # index 0
            '',  # index 1
            '',  # index 2
            '',  # index 3
            '',  # index 4
            '',  # index 5
            'name',  # index 6
            'category',  # index 7
        ],
        [  # data line 0
            '123',  # index 0
            '',  # index 1
            '',  # index 2
            '',  # index 3
            '',  # index 4
            '',  # index 5
            'Foo',  # index 6
            'Bar',  # index 7
        ],
    ]

    converter = Converter.new
    instream = StringIO.new input_data.map{|line| line.join("\t")}.join("\n")
    output = capture_stdout do
      use_my_stdin(instream) { converter.convert }
    end

    input_data[1..-1].each do |data|
      assert_match /^#{data[6]} is rank #{data[0]} in #{data[7]}$/, output.string
    end
  end
end

Wheaton's Law

2011-01-09T21:59:00.004+09:00

In which several pleas for a saner New Year are put forward, unified by the concept of Wheaton's Law and made necessary by the attempted assassination of Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords.

Dial it Back: To illustrate the premise that the sort of incendiary remarks made regularly on Fox "News", on the radio (e.g. Messrs. Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, et al.) and by an increasing number of politicians, let me quote the news piece linked above:
At a news conference Saturday night, a clearly emotional Dupnik, who has been close to both Giffords and Roll, repeatedly cited what he characterized as the "vitriol" that has infected political discourse. He said that his own state has become "the mecca for prejudice and bigotry."

There is reason to believe, he said, that the shooting suspect "may have a mental issue," adding that people like that "are especially susceptible to vitriol."
And here's a treasure trove of absurdity from The Huffington Post:
- A statement by Giffords herself, earlier last year and eerily prescient:
  Giffords expressed similar concern, even before the shooting. In an interview after her office was vandalized, she referred to the animosity against her by conservatives, including Sarah Palin's decision to list Giffords' seat as one of the top "targets" in the midterm elections.
  
  "For example, we're on Sarah Palin's targeted list, but the thing is, that the way that she has it depicted has the crosshairs of a gun sight over our district. When people do that, they have to realize that there are consequences to that action," Giffords said in an interview with MSNBC.
- It just gets worse:
  During his campaign effort to unseat Giffords in November, Republican challenger Jesse Kelly held fundraisers where he urged supporters to help remove Giffords from office by joining him to shoot a fully loaded M-16 rifle. Kelly is a former Marine who served in Iraq and was pictured on his website in military gear holding his automatic weapon and promoting the event.
  
  "I don't see the connection," between the fundraisers featuring weapons and Saturday's shooting, said John Ellinwood, Kelly's spokesman. "I don't know this person, we cannot find any records that he was associated with the campaign in any way. I just don't see the connection.
  
  "Arizona is a state where people are firearms owners - this was just a deranged individual."
- And finally:
  Law enforcement officials said members of Congress reported 42 cases of threats or violence in the first three months of 2010, nearly three times the 15 cases reported during the same period a year earlier. Nearly all dealt with the health care bill, and Giffords was among the targets.
So next time you are tempted to say something extreme, nasty, or just mean, stop and make sure your statement is proportional. Words to steer clear of include, but are not limited to: Hitler, Nazi, Stalin, socialist / communist / liberal (which seem to be synonyms in right-wing political discourse in America), devil, terrorist, enemy of the state, un-American, Satan (Prince of Lies), evil, etc.

Guns. What are they good for? (Absolutely nothing?) Though the weapon allegedly used by Jared Lee Loughner (is it an unspoken rule that all political assassins must be known by all three names?) was only a handgun (and not a fully automatic assault rifle, which are also bizarrely legal to buy in the US), he still managed to kill six people and wound 13 others. If we must own guns, is it too much to ask that they be limited to hunting rifles, shotguns, and semi-automatic handguns with six-round clips, the last of which must be locked in a gun safe at a shooting range? Full disclosure: I used to be a stiff opponent of gun control, in any way, shape or form, but for the sole reason that I considered weapons as the last resort of citizens against an illegimate government. Thinking at some length on the last point, it finally dawned on me that even a fully automatic assault rifle would not do much against tanks, planes, and missiles (see: Ruby Ridge, Waco, etc.), thus removing my only point of contention with the idea of gun control. If you think it is wrong for the government to tell you that you cannot own a deadly weapon, would you be OK for it to be legal to purchase a tank? An anti-aircraft gun? An anti-personnel mines? A bomb? Need I go on?

OK, so really only two points. In the spirit of the above, I've made only two New Year's resolutions for 2011, and they're ones that, if I cannot keep, say something about my character:

Make an earnest attempt to abide by Wheaton's Law, and in the instances where I fail,
Make a sincere apology to the victim.

Happy New Year, and let's work together to make 2011 a less ridiculous year.

Software Writing Clichés

2010-11-05T01:51:00.002+09:00

If you are writing a book, essay, or blog entry about software development, please refrain from all of the following:

Lame references to how everyone in offices drink coffee

Lame references to Mondays

Seriously, have we learned nothing from Office Space?

Välkomna till Sverige

2010-09-11T16:29:00.004+09:00

My son just came in from riding his "new" bike, which a slightly older neighbour boy loaned to him. Before that, he was playing in the little park, which is about 50 metres from our front door. And before that, he was helping me pick apples from the big tree in our front yard. And this is just another Saturday in Sweden. :)

We moved here almost a month ago now, to a quiet neighbourhood in the southern suburbs of Stockholm. I'm working for a small Internet company named TestFreaks, which has an office next to T-Centralen, Stockholm's central metro station. It takes me just under ten minutes to walk to the metro station near our house, then 25 minutes on the train, then five minutes from T-Centralen to my office--not a bad commute at all.

We found a townhouse to rent, one of about 40 in a little neighbourhood that was built in the 60s. The house is 100 square metres, up from 75 square metres in Dublin and 50 in Tokyo. Kai has his own bedroom, with a full-sized single bed and wallpaper with aeroplanes! The kitchen / dining room, our room, and a spare bedroom that we are using as an office round out the second floor (AKA the first floor in Sweden, the one at ground level is called the ground floor, often labelled 0 on elevators). Downstairs is a large living room and one more bedroom, which we're planning to turn into a "gym" by putting an elliptical trainer in it.

As I mentioned, our neighbourhood has its own little park, which is situated in the centre of a loop of townhouses. There are lots of kids around, and they leave toys in the park to share since it is private to our neighbourhood. There are at least four kids almost exactly Kai's age, and many more slightly older. He is very excited to play with the "big kids", and his best friend is a six year-old girl named Mina who thinks it is very funny that Kai speaks English and not Swedish. Hopefully, he'll pick up Swedish quickly from playing with the kids. We're also signing him up for kindergarten so that Lyani can concentrate on finding a job. He's very excited about going after he and Lyani went to take a tour of the kindergarten last week.

We're enjoying a nice, long summer, which seems to be drawing to a close, but still gives us tee-shirt weather like today. Later on, we're going over to a friend's house for a cookout.

So far, we're enjoying life in Sweden indeed!

Test Driven Development by Example, in Ruby

2010-08-13T09:53:00.006+09:00

I have long been interested in the Ruby programming language. Luckily for me, I've just gotten a job which requires me to write code in Ruby, meaning that I finally have to learn Ruby properly. The hardest part of learning a new language for me is finding an interesting and somewhat challenging problem to work on with the new language. Little exercises like the Towers of Hanoi or the Fibonacci sequence are decent problems for programming interviews, but mainly test logic and basic language syntax.

I had just finished reading Programming Ruby 1.9, and was ready to sink my teeth into actually writing some Ruby. Being a long-time proponent of Test Driven Development, an interesting idea occurred to me. In Kent Beck's Test Driven Development: by Example book, he uses the example of adding different currencies together. This is a pretty easy problem to understand, and relatively easy to code up, but has just enough complexity in design to offer me some interesting practice with Ruby. In the book, Beck writes all of his unit tests and code in Java--I wrote the same tests and code in Ruby.

For readers who do not have their copy of Test Driven Development: by Example handy, the problem in a nutshell can be stated by one test:

$5 + 10 CHF = $10 if rate is 2:1

Or, in plain English: adding five US dollars to 10 Swiss francs should yield 10 US dollars if the exchange rate is 2 Swiss francs to 1 US dollar. Users of Test Driven Development (hereafter TDD) will not be surprised to learn that writing this test required writing many smaller tests first, such as adding two dollar amounts, converting a dollar amount into a franc amount, etc.

I was able to work through the 15 chapters of the example in two days (maybe six hours of coding time). Ruby's MiniTest unit testing framework is an xUnit variant, just like the JUnit framework that Beck uses in the book, so my Ruby tests are virtually the same as his Java tests. The class design is also the same, with the one exception that I did not need the Expression interface that his Java design requires, thanks to duck typing. It felt to me like duck typing simplified the Ruby code quite a bit, as compared to the Java code. There were certainly several times when Beck needed a page to present some refactorings to clean up the design that took me one line in Ruby. All told, my Ruby version was 62 lines of functional code and 78 lines of test code, as opposed to 91 and 89, respectively, in the Java version.

So, with no further ado, here is the example. I'll show you the tests first, then the functional code, then finally the log of all of my commits while working on this problem (my Git repository is available for anyone who wants it: http://www.jmglov.net/opensource/src/tdd-by-example_ruby_git.tar.gz).

Test code: test_Money.rb


#!/usr/bin/env ruby1.9.1

require 'money'
require 'test/unit'

class TestMoney < MiniTest::Unit::TestCase
  def test_multiplication
    five = Money.dollar(5)
    assert_equal(Money.dollar(10), five * 2)
    assert_equal(Money.dollar(15), five * 3)
  end

  def test_equality
    assert(Money.dollar(5) == Money.dollar(5))
    refute(Money.dollar(5) == Money.dollar(6))
    refute(Money.dollar(5) == Money.franc(5))
  end

  def test_currency
    assert_equal(:USD, Money.dollar(1).currency)
    assert_equal(:CHF, Money.franc(1).currency)
  end

  def test_simple_addition
    five    = Money.dollar(5)
    sum     = five + five
    bank    = Bank.new
    reduced = bank.reduce(sum, :USD)
    assert_equal(Money.dollar(10), reduced)
  end

  def test_plus_returns_sum
    five = Money.dollar(5)
    sum  = five + five
    assert_equal(five, sum.augend)
    assert_equal(five, sum.addend)
  end

  def test_reduce_sum
    sum    = Sum.new(Money.dollar(3), Money.dollar(4))
    bank   = Bank.new
    result = bank.reduce(sum, :USD)
    assert_equal(Money.dollar(7), result)
  end

  def test_reduce_money
    bank   = Bank.new
    result = bank.reduce(Money.dollar(1), :USD)
    assert_equal(Money.dollar(1), result)
  end

  def test_reduce_money_different_currency
    bank = Bank.new
    bank.add_rate(:CHF, :USD, 2)
    result = bank.reduce(Money.franc(2), :USD)
    assert_equal(Money.dollar(1), result)
  end

  def test_identity_rate
    assert_equal(1, Bank.new.rate(:USD, :USD))
  end

  def test_mixed_addition
    five_bucks = Money.dollar(5)
    ten_francs = Money.franc(10)
    bank       = Bank.new
    bank.add_rate(:CHF, :USD, 2)
    result = bank.reduce(five_bucks + ten_francs, :USD)
    assert_equal(Money.dollar(10), result)
  end

  def test_sum_plus_money
    five_bucks = Money.dollar(5)
    ten_francs = Money.franc(10)
    bank       = Bank.new
    bank.add_rate(:CHF, :USD, 2)
    sum    = Sum.new(five_bucks, ten_francs) + five_bucks
    result = bank.reduce(sum, :USD)
    assert_equal(Money.dollar(15), result)
  end

  def test_sum_times
    five_bucks = Money.dollar(5)
    ten_francs = Money.franc(10)
    bank       = Bank.new
    bank.add_rate(:CHF, :USD, 2)
    sum    = Sum.new(five_bucks, ten_francs) * 2
    result = bank.reduce(sum, :USD)
    assert_equal(Money.dollar(20), result)
  end
end

Functional code: money.rb



class Money
  attr_reader :amount, :currency

  def initialize(amount, currency)
    @amount   = amount
    @currency = currency
  end

  def self.dollar(amount)
    Money.new(amount, :USD)
  end

  def self.franc(amount)
    Money.new(amount, :CHF)
  end

  def ==(other)
    @amount == other.amount &&
      @currency == other.currency
  end

  def *(multiplier)
    Money.new(@amount * multiplier, @currency)
  end

  def +(addend)
    Sum.new(self, addend)
  end

  def reduce(bank, to_currency)
    rate = bank.rate(@currency, to_currency)
    Money.new(@amount / rate, to_currency)
  end
end

class Bank
  def initialize
    @rates = {}
  end

  def reduce(expression, to_currency)
    expression.reduce(self, to_currency)
  end

  def add_rate(from, to, rate)
    @rates[[from, to]] = rate
  end

  def rate(from, to)
    return 1 if from == to
    @rates[[from, to]]
  end
end

class Expression
end

class Sum
  attr_reader :augend, :addend

  def initialize(augend, addend)
    @augend = augend
    @addend = addend
  end

  def reduce(bank, to_currency)
    amount = @augend.reduce(bank, to_currency).amount +
      @addend.reduce(bank, to_currency).amount
    Money.new(amount, to_currency)
  end

  def +(addend)
    Sum.new(self, addend)
  end

  def *(multiplier)
    Sum.new(@augend * multiplier, @addend * multiplier)
  end
end

Commit log

TestMoney#test_multiplication fails to compile (C1 : Multi-Currency Money)

test_Dollar: TestDollar should subclass Test::Unit::Testcase instead of MiniTest::... (C1 - Multi-Currency Money)

test_Dollar: should be Dollar.new(...) (C1 - Multi-Currency Money)

test_Dollar#test_multiplication: red bar! (C1 - Multi-Currency Money)

TestDollar#test_multiplication: green bar! (C1 - Multi-Currency Money)

Dollar#times sets @amount (green bar) (C1 - Multi-Currency Money)

Dollar#times real implementation (green bar) (C1 - Multi-Currency Money)

TestDollar#test_multiplication object modified (RB) (C2 - Degenerate Objects)

TestDollar expects new obj from Dollar#times (ERR) (C2 - Degenerate Objects)

Dollar#times returns new obj (GB) (C2 - Degenerate Objects)

TestDollar#test_equality (RB) (C3 - Equality for All)

Dollar#== return true (GB) (C3 - Equality for All)

TestDollar#test_equality tests inequality (RB) (C3 - Equality for All)

Dollar#== actual implementation (GB) (C3 - Equality for All)

test_Dollar: switched to ruby1.9.1 and MiniTest

TestDollar#test_multiplication asserts equality(GB) (C4 - Privacy)

Dollar#amount is protected (GB) (C4 - Privacy)

TestFranc#test_multiplication (ERR) (C5 - Franc-ly Speaking)

Copied Dollar to Franc (GB) (C5 - Franc-ly Speaking)

Added Money class (GB) (C6 - Equality for All, Redux)

Dollar subclasses Money (GB) (C6 - Equality for All, Redux)

Pushed Dollar#== up to Money (GB) (C6 - Equality for All, Redux) (Ruby eliminates the need to fool around with casts and instance variables!)

Added TestFranc#test_equality (GB) (C6 - Equality for All, Redux)

Franc subclasses Money (GB) (C6 - Equality for All, Redux)

Removed Franc#== (GB) (C6 - Equality for All, Redux)

TestMoney#test_equality exposes a bug (ERR): we should have moved the protected attr_reader :amount up to Money

Pushed protected @amount up to Money (GB) (C7 - Apples and Oranges)

Money#== compares classes (GB) (C7 - Apples and Oranges)

TestDollar#test_multiplication use Money#dollar(GB) (C8 - Makin' Objects) (Ruby's duck typing eliminates the Money#times compiler error from the book!)

Using Money#dollar in all tests (GB) (C8 - Makin' Objects)

Added Money#franc factory (GB) (C8 - Makin' Objects)

test_Money requiring 'money' breaks tests (ERR) (C8 - Makin' Objects) (This is a Ruby-only problem, since the Java tests probably do an 'import com.wycash.money.*')

All classes declared in money.rb (GB) (C8 - Makin' Objects)

Deleted dollar.rb and franc.rb (GB) (C8 - Makin' Objects)

Money#currency and unit tests for same (GB) (C9 - Times We're Livin' In)

Currency becomes an instance variable (GB) (C9 - Times We're Livin' In)

Pulled up Money#currency (GB) (C9 - Times We're Livin' In)

Added currency param to Franc#new (ERR) (C9 - Times We're Livin' In)

Money#franc and Franc#times pass nil currency (RB) (C9 - Times We're Livin' In)

Franc#times calls Money#franc which passes :CHF(GB) (C9 - The Times We're Livin' In)

Money#dollar passes :USD (GB) (C9 - The Times We're Livin' In)

Pushed up Dollar#new and Franc#new to Money (GB) (C9 - The Times We're Livin' In)

Inlined factory in Dollar and Franc #times (GB) (C10 - Interesting Times)

Dollar and Franc#times pass @currency to ctor (GB) (C10 - Interesting times)

Dollar and Franc#times return a Money obj (RB) (C10 - Interesting Times)

Backed out #times returning Money (GB) (C10 - Interesting Times)

TestMoney#test_different_class_equality (RB) (C10 - Interesting Times)

Money#== checks currency rather than class (GB) (C10 - Interesting Times) (This change feels more natural in Ruby, where duck typing means that testing class is rarely the best way forward)

Franc#times returns a Money obj (GB) (C10 - Interesting Times)

Dollar#times returns a Money obj (GB) (C10 - Interesting Times)

Pulled up Money#times (GB) (C10 - Interesting Times)

Removed explicit Money#currency (GB) (we already have attr_reader :currency, so this is unnecessary; the fact that I stuck it in there in the beginning means I still have some way to go to think natively in Ruby)

Moved attr_reader :currency to top of money.rb (GB) (just to improve readability, in my opinion)

Money#dollar and #franc return Money obj (GB) (C11 - The Root of All Evil)

Removed Dollar class (GB) (C11 - The Root of All Evil)

Removed Franc class (RB) (C11 - The Root of All Evil)

Removed TestMoney#test_dft_class_inequality (GB) (and TestFranc#test_equality, which is equivalent to removing the third and forth assertions in testEquality() from TDDbE p.52) (C11 - The Root of All Evil)

Removed TestFranc#test_multiplication (GB) (and test_Franc.rb, since there are no tests left in the file) (C11 - The Root of All Evil)

Moved tests in test_Dollar.rb to test_Money.rb (GB) (tests are easier to keep track of all in one file, and since we don't have a Dollar subclass any more, the test naming convention is broken anyway)

Added TestMoney#test_simple_addition (ERR) (C12 - Addition, Finally)

Implemented Money#+ (GB) (C12 - Addition, Finally) (obvious implementation)

TestMoney#t_smpl#add uses Expressions, Banks (ERR) (C12 - Addition, Finally)

Fake implementation of Bank#reduce (GB) (C12 - Addition, Finally) (there should have been a red bar step before this one, but returning nil from Bank#reduce causes a compilation error in Ruby due to the lack of a formal return specification, i.e. def [Money] reduce...)

TestMoney#t_smpl_add should add five + five (GB) (oversight on my part)

TestMoney#test_plus_returns_sum (ERR) (C13 - Make It)

Money#+ returns a Sum obj (GB) (C13 - Make It)

Added TestMoney#test_reduce_sum (RB) (C13 - Make It)

Bank#reduce actually adds (ERR) (C13 - Make It) (this seems like a bug in the TDDbE book to me; as we made the amount field protected in a previous chapter)

Implemented Money#reduce (ERR) (C13 - Make It) (this should be a green bar, according to TDDbE, but the protected Money#amount accessor is called again)

Made Money#amount public to stop errors (GB) (we want to be able to follow TDDbE closely, despite the seeming bug--I should do this exercise in Java as well to see if there really is a bug)

Bank#reduce special case for Money (GB) (C13 - Make It)

Implemented Money#reduce (GB) (C13 - Make It)

Removed "cast" and class check from Bank#reduce(GB) (C13 - Make It)

TestMoney#test_reduce_money_different_currency (RB) (C14 - Change)

Hard-coded CHF -> USD in Money#reduce (GB) (C14 - Change)

Added bank parameter to all #reduce methods (GB) (C14 - Change)

Moved rate calculation to Bank#rate (GB) (C14 - Change)

Bank stores rates in hashtable (ERR) (C14 - Change) (because Ruby can use an array--or any other object, for that matter--as a hash key, we don't need the Pair class from TDDbEx; we can simply use a two-element array ([from_currency, to_currency]) as our rate hash key)

Bank#rate returns 1 when from and to are equal (GB) (C14 - Change)

Added TestMoney#test_mixed_addition (RB) (C15 - Mixed Currencies) (this would throw "a host of compile errors" in Java, according to TDDbE, but duck typing means we compile just fine and simply fail a test)

Sum#reduce reduces both arguments (GB) (C15 - Mixed Currencies)

Stubbed out Sum#+ (GB) (C15 - Mixed Currencies) (we just did this to stay in sync with TDDbE--Java's type system required the stub, but Ruby's duck types care not)

Added TestMoney#test_sum_plus_money (ERR) (C16 - Abstration, Finally)

Real implementation of Sum#+ (GB) (C16 - Abstration, Finally)

Added TestMoney#test_sum_times (ERR) (C16 - Abstration, Finally)

Implemented Sum#times (GB) (C16 - Abstration, Finally)

Redefined Money and Sum#times as #* (GB) (this seems more Ruby-native to me)

TestMoney#test_plus_same_currency_returns_money(RB) (C16 - Abstraction, Finally)

Removed TestMoney#t_plus_same_curr_ret_mny (GB) (C16 - Abstraction, Finally) (we removed this test because a clean way to have Money#+ return a Money object instead of a Sum was not obvious)

Essays in Idleness 01: Singularities and Data Storage

2009-05-30T12:32:00.004+09:00

I posit the following theorem: that cosmic phenomena that have one or more attributes that are infinite (or approaching infinity quickly enough to be considered effectively infinite) resist direct observation.

An example of just such a phenomenom is a black hole, where the density of matter--and, as a result the strength of the gravitational field--at its core is infinite or effectively infinite, causing a singularity (i.e. a point where the rules of physics pertaining to space/time do not hold [1]).

Let's assume for a moment that I could directly observe the core of a black hole, the singularity itself. Since the density of matter is infinite, I am effectively observing an infinite amount of matter. So far, so good. I can simply jot down on my notepad that the quantity of matter is ∞ and move on.

Now what if I want to make observations about one or more characteristics of the matter? Say, I want to write down a simple binary value (i.e. true or false) that represents whether each particle of matter is a boson, which I determine by noting whether it has integer spin (as opposed to a fermion, which has half-integer spin [2]). Now I have a problem, because my notepad will have to be infinitely large, in order to contain one bit of information about each particle of matter in the singularity.

Ah-ha, you may now be saying, but the universe is infinite, so your notepad can be as well. Which leads us to the difficult realisation that the universe is likely *not* infinite at all, but rather finite and expanding or contracting somewhere between 0 and twice the speed of light. Of course, proving whether the universe is infinite is well outside the scope of this essay (though there are pointers to information on this topic, should the intrepid reader wish [3]). So let us take the easy way out and pretend that we know for sure that the universe is finite (see footnote A if you'd rather not take the easy way out), and there we have a proof of my theorem: you cannot store an infinite amount of data anywhere in the finite universe, so direct observation of a singularity is theoretically impossible.

This may rankle some readers, who would tell me that they can observe something, say a bird singing in a tree, without storing any data about the experience. I, of course, would claim that they are wrong: any observation results in data storage somewhere, be it on your retina, various places in your brain, and quite possibly on Twitter's or Blogger's servers as you share your experience with others after the fact.

In the case of the bird singing, there is a staggeringly large but potentially finite amount of data available. The way that you deal with this as a human observer is to capture the experience at a relatively low resolution: you consider only the notes the bird is singing, the colours of its plumage, the tree it is sitting in, the local weather conditions, how it makes you feel, etc. In the case of observing a singularity, you have no such luxury, since you can lower the resolution to one single data point and still have to record that one bit of data for an infinite amount of matter.

The way this problem is dealt with in real life is to observe not the singularity itself, but the effects of the singularity on the portion of its surroundings that lie outside of its event horizon. From this, and using the abstract tools of mathematics, we can determine much about the makeup of the singularity.

In our theoretical discussion, there may be another solution: create a second singularity to record the data garnered from directly observing the first. If you find a way to do that, do post it in the comments.

Footnotes

A: What if the universe is infinite? You could potentially store your data, though you'd have to be careful about not writing it over stars, planets, etc. This would lead to storage fragmentation, which would be most difficult to cope with, given the limitations imposed by the speed of light. Your best bet is to stream your data by flicking a light on and off, with every tick (defined as say, a number of milliseconds equal to the atomic weight of hydrogen or some other well-known finite number--using π here would be a very bad idea) representing one particle of matter.

How Long Must We Sing This Song?

2009-03-11T14:29:00.003+09:00

From the New York Times:

CRAIGAVON, Northern Ireland — Barely three days after two British soldiers were shot to death by a dissident faction of the Irish Republican Army, another I.R.A. breakaway group claimed responsibility on Tuesday for an ambush that killed a police officer on Monday night in this town 25 miles southwest of Belfast.

That's the bad news. The good news (or at least, better news), is this (from the same article):

Politicians on both sides of the divide between the Protestant and Roman Catholic communities in the province denounced the killing as the work of “terrorists” [...]

The reaction in Craigavon [...] suggested that for now, [concerns that the peace might be destroyed] might be overblown. The town, in the county of Armagh, a major sectarian battlefield in the past, has a mixed population of Catholics and Protestants, but people approached at random at the site of the shooting and in shopping malls seemed confident that the peace would survive the shootings.

A 25-year-old Catholic man who gave his name only as William said that he supported Sinn Fein, the main nationalist party in the power-sharing government, and that he “feared something like this was going to happen” when I.R.A. sentiment split over the peace agreement. “There is still a small minority out there who agree with shootings and all that,” he said. “I don’t agree with it myself. There was a time when I may have agreed with it. But it is the wrong time. Violence is in the past.”

It looks like most Northern Irish people have put the Troubles behind them, and that the latest violence is nothing but disaffected youths doing what disaffected youths do. This is now a social issue, I think, and not a Republican one. Give people hope for their future, and they are much less likely to turn to terrorism (see "Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace... One School at a Time", by Greg Mortenson).

Thou shalt grok Unicode!

2008-04-09T10:09:00.006+09:00

Working programmers simply must grok Unicode!

I thereby propose the following course of study:

Read "The Absolute Minimum Every Software Developer Absolutely, Positively Must Know About Unicode and Character Sets (No Excuses!)", by Joel Spolsky

Read "There Ain't No Such Thing as Plain Text", by Jeff Atwood

Read "On the Goodness of Unicode", by Tim Bray

Read the aforementioned Wikipedia article on Unicode

Perl programmers, read: "Unicode-processing issues in Perl and how to cope with it", by Ivan Kurmanov

Write a UTF-8 version of "Hello, World!" in each programming language that you ordinarily use. (See below.)

Speaking of which, wanna know how to say "Hello, world!" in a wide variety of natural languages? Here's the list, with the language names omitted. See how many you can identify, and brag in the comments how awesome you are!

Hello, World!

世界、こんにちは！

مرحبا ، العالم!

你好，世界！

Bonjour, le monde!

Hallo, welt!

Ciao, mondo!

안녕하세요, 세계!

Olá, mundo!

Здравствуй, мир!

Здравей, свят!

Hola, mundo!

Halló, Heimur!

Dusk, Dawn, and 30-Day Challenges

2007-09-30T12:31:00.001+09:00

Note: This post is old old old, and is being published now just for the sake of self-ridicule; none of my 30 day challenges were met, and only one was even begun.

Frequent readers of this blog will need no introduction to my good friend and erstwhile roommate, Ota. Frequent readers of this blog will also know that I subscribe to the Neal Stephenson never-say-in-100-words-what-you-can-say-in-1000 school of writing, so said (illusory?) frequent readers will not be surprised that I shall now proceed to tender an introduction to the illustrious Ota anyway.

I met Ota on the very first day of classes back at The College of William and Mary in 1997. We had both signed up for Japanese 101, and the first day entailed learning the fine art of 自己紹介 (jikoshoukai, self-introduction). Both of us claimed to be from Virginia, and Computer Science majors. As computer geeks are wont to do, we sized each other up warily, then met after class to compare programming credentials. I had more "serious" experience, having written a couple of trivial programs as a consultant (but in Visual Basic--a toy language). He was more into game programming, and showed up to class the next day with a floppy in hand (in 1997, the idea of transferring files over a network was iffy at best, except to Unix geeks, which I would not become for another year or two). I went home, popped the floppy in, and copied the binary over to my hard drive. Executing it (I seem to remember it being a compiled QuickBasic binary, but I suppose it could have been written in Visual C++; maybe Ota remembers) revealed a tasty riff on Pong; multicoloured balls flew about, and you had to smack them this way and that without letting them go in your goal (at least, if I recall correctly, which I may not; 10 years still seems a long time ago to me).

So Ota, having proven himself as a cool game programmer, rapidly became one of my friends. We worked together on the various group projects demanded in Japanese class, and started meeting occasionally for lunch or breakfast at the Caf (our dining hall). Toward the end of freshmen year, when it came time to decide on housing for the next year, we agreed to room together, in the Japanese House, which was a dorm for students of Japanese and Japanese exchange students.

Three years after graduation (well, just two for me; I took five years and thus graduated in 2003), we found ourselves both living in the Tokyo area, and started hanging out more frequently than once every three years. :)

A year later, I was working in Shibuya and he in Naka-Meguro, so we started meeting for lunch once a week, a habit that we have more or less maintained until the present.

Ota has had a blog for even longer than I have, and he's written in it even more infrequently than I have. ;) This is until about a month ago, when he started blogging at Dusk and Dawn a cool little bi- (tri-?) lingual blog he and his girlfriend do. I subscribed to the feed a couple of weeks ago, but did not have time to actually read any of the blog until today.

I have to say, it is neat. The layout is nice, the photos adorning the header are gorgeous, and the writing is interesting. I was especially inspired by his post entitled "The 30-day challenge; a year of self-improvement". I like the idea of trying to bootstrap a good habit by just committing to it for a month, and seeing what happens.

Ota and I had all sorts of contests back in school, some of them involving self-improvement and some... well, not. So I think this is a great opportunity for me to announce my own 30-day challenge goals, and see if Ota and I can keep each other honest and inspired. :)

October 2007 - (same as Ota's, but a lesser time) run, every day, for at least 15 minutes (Ota is doing 30, but I don't have that kind of time, man!). My motivation here is two-fold: to become more fit overall, and to increase my endurance so I can become a more effective striker on the futsal pitch.

November 2007 - no swearing. I have a, let's say, colourful vocabulary, which is not always the most appropriate to every situation. 'specially situations in which my baby boy is also a participant. I'll go the entire month without uttering a swear word (should there be an accidental slip, I'll pay for it with a household chore, above and beyond my normal share).

December 2007 - TBD

January 2008 - TBD

February 2008 - (same as Ota's) write a blog post a day. I enjoy writing, and need to do it a lot to keep my prose honed.

March 2008 - TBD

April 2008 - TBD

May 2008 - (same as Ota's, but with a twist) read a book a week... about software engineering or the management thereof. Reading a book a week would be a slam-dunk goal for me, since I average that already. But I have quite a backlog of work-related reading to do, and I am always wanting to pick up tips here and there to improve my craft.

June 2008 - TBD

July 2008 - TBD

August 2008 - TBD

September 2008 - TBD

iHave become iNfected

2007-09-17T08:32:00.002+09:00

Note: this post is old old old, and finally published just for historical curiosity, mostly my own.

Yes, it is strange but true; this Linux jockey has succumbed to the world's most powerful marketing machine and is typing this blentey on the sweet sweet virtual QWERTY keyboard of an iPhone. Worse yet (because the iPhone is not mine--'tis a company plaything), I must confess to buying my wife a MacBook for last Christmas. Disgraceful, I know.

I originally bought the MacBook for the hardware; I was planning to just peek at Mac OS X, then partition most of the drive out for Linux, using a filesystem that both Linux and OS X could use. But tragically, I waited too long, and when I finally got around to trying Boot Camp, it failed to repartion my drive. A real hacker would have booted up a Gentoo LiveCD and fired up GNU parted, but I feared the potential time sink and the wrath of my wife--who had become quite enamoured of OS X--if things did not go according to plan. So I ended up sticking with the Mac OS, but mainly using my old Linux 'top, as I could not live with giving up my Openbox keybindings and virtual workspace config.

So what, you may be wondering, do I think of the iPhone? Well, given that I am typing this on one, feel free to assume that I *love* it. This weekend, I've used it for checking my Gmail (which works, but shame on Google for not detecting the iPhone User Agent and doing something optimised for the iPhone's screen size, like we do), reading through my WWdN:iX backlog (reading blogs may well be one of the iPhone's--and, by extension, the iPod Touch) killer apps; a native RSS/Atom reader might be a good idea), and written this blog entry.

So the iPhone works as advertised, and will work even better once some of the bigger sites out there get their act together and offer an optimised experience.

チルドビール3本&グラスセット

2007-08-05T17:26:00.000+09:00

...or how the Japanese have misplaced their damned language and replaced it with English.

All my Japan-bound readers who are fans of beer should beat a path to your local 7-11 and pick up the titular 「チルドビール3本&グラスセット」, or "Chilled Beer 3 count and Glass Set", from Kirin.

Aside from being a indicator of a sad (to me, lover of Japanese lanugage) linguistic phenomenon, it is a good value at ¥749 for a bottle each of Kirin Ichiban (KIRIN 一番搾り), Kirin Grand Ale (グランドエール), and Kirin Maroyaka Kobo (まろやか酵母)--each of which retail separately for ¥250--and a decent if faux-haute couture beer glass (I assign the faux prefix due to the fact that the glass is basically an attempt to dress up what RateBeer.com has assured me is called a "footed Pilsner"--or were they going for the "tulip"?--which is completely unnecessary for any of the beers it ships with; RateBeer.com calls for an English pint or Shaker for the Grand, and suggests that either would be appropriate for the Ichiban and the Maroyaka, plus a Dimpled mug, Lager glass, or Stein.

So you save ¥1 outright (what a deal!) and get a free glass that, while it is not as fancy as it pretends to be, can be used to drink beer from. :) That is OK by me!

What is less OK by me is the fact that there exists a perfectly fine Japanese word for all but one word in the title (「ビール」, though I would entertain the argument that there is not a great word for 「グラス」--「水飲み」 is perfectly reasonable, but is not much in common usage anymore, and 「猪口」 is not quite the same thing), yet Kirin has chosen to use katakana loan words instead. This is actually worse than 和製英語 (wasei eigo--"Made in Japan" English); at least the latter is Japanese in origin.

Japanese companies, try using the Japanese language for naming your products. I would not want to see them go as far as the French, who have erected the ediface of the Académie française in a foolish and ultimately doomed attempt to halt linguistic evolution, but I would like Japanese people to have some pride in their language.

Groove to my Flickr set to view more gratuitous pictures of beer.

SoftwareCompanies.getByName("Fog Creek").getProductByName("Copilot").getUsers().getSatisfiedUsers().increment;

2007-08-02T15:44:00.000+09:00

I have been reading "Joel on Software" for years, but I have not until this week used a Fog Creek product.

Until my sister's laptop crashed right as we were trying to set up a Skype video chat. :(

My wife and I live in Tokyo, and have a three month old baby boy who has not met my parents, my sister, or her nine-month old baby girl, since all of those relatives live in Virginia. So Skype video chats (which are few and far between, unfortunately) are basically the only way we have to connect.

I am a Linux user, and my wife uses a shiny new Mac Book. But I seemed to remember Joel mentioning that Copilot supported Mac OS X, so I grabbed the Mac, browsed on over to joelonsoftware.com, found copilot.com after a few missed clicks (usability tip: stick the product links *above* the support links, as I would assume the crushing majority of "Joel on Software" readers are not--yet!--Fog Creek customers, so most people want to buy or try before they need support).

I clicked on the "Help Someone" tab (beautiful, functional layout, BTW!), snagged a free trial, and read my sis the code over the phone (well, SkypeOut from my wife's Mac to her phone). After a pause of 20 seconds for the 980K app bundle to download, mount (on my end), and execute, we were connected, and I saw that I had 90 seconds to work! :)

I have not used Windows since 1999 or so, so Windows XP is a little unfamiliar to me, but I blasted over to the Control Panel, then "User Accounts". Created a new user, turned on the "Welcome Screen" so my sister would not be auto-logged into her borked account, and restarted the computer. With 30 seconds left in my free trial. From over 10,865 kilometres away! On a Mac! Without knowing Windows from a hole in the ground, really!

Now *that* is software that Just Works.

And then I look into the purchase options, and see that I can buy a Day Pass, for $5.00 US, that gives me unlimited usage for one day. And I can pay with PayPal! Needless to say (so why am I saying it?), I grabbed one right then and there for the next time somebody in my family needs my help.

And I hate giving free tech support, usually. But Copilot makes it so easy to help on my terms: when I want to, from the comfort of my own home, with "Joel on Software" and other fine blogs loaded up in Firefox, sipping a fine beer.

Thanks, Fog Creek! Now I feel a burning need to purchase the Project Aardvark DVD! :)

OpenSolaris Journal II: BeleniX hdinstaller

2007-07-22T10:24:00.000+09:00

Continuing to play with BeleniX, I used the hdinstaller tool to install it for reals so I could boot OpenSolaris from my hard drive.

The install itself came off without a hitch. I:

Booted off the LiveCD
Ran hdinstaller
Selected my hard drive
Deleted all my partitions
Created one Solaris partition
Chose auto-layout with swap, /usr, and /opt as slices
Installed GRUB to the MBR
Set the root password

After the install finished, I booted up off the hard drive, logged in as root, created a user account, logged in as that user, and ran startgui kde to start X:

To read the rest of my tale of woe, click through my " Open Solaris Journal - BelleniX hdinstaller" Flickr set.

OpenSolaris Journal I: BeleniX LiveCD

2007-07-18T08:25:00.000+09:00

I booted a Dell Latitude D620 up with an OpenSolaris Starter Kit that I picked up from Saturday's TLUG meeting for Erin (yeah, I know; I'm a short-stopping bastard). Selected the BeleniX 32 bit LiveCD, and after selecting a keyboard layout (jp106, which was not honoured by KDE) and saying OK to the autodetected screen resolution / colour depth / etc., I found myself in KDE 3.5, and snapped a screenshot with import -window root belenix.png (import is from the ImageMagick).

Let me just say that the fact that the LiveCD Just Worked was very impressive to me, given the fact that Solaris is known for supporting less end user hardware than Linux (whether this is fair to Solaris is a topic that I will be exploring in future OpenSolaris journal entries).

Having said that, I quickly ran into problems (stop reading here unless you want to see my criticisms).

I just wanted to send my screenshot over to another box so that I could upload it to Flickr and stick it in this blog entry (I like "blentry", are you guys cool with that?). So, I plugged in the network and ran /etc/init.d/dhcp start, which returned success right away. So I then ran ifconfig -a to see what IP address I got.

To my surprise, I saw that I had only lo0, which is the loopback interface for localhost (127.0.0.1 sweet 127.0.0.1). "That won't play!" quoth I, and double-clicked on the "BeleniX Info" icon on the desktop. To my delight, it was a guide / FAQ (this doc, I think). I searched for "net", but all of the hits assumed that the NIC was detected and claimed by a driver, which mine was clearly not.

So I Googled more, then tried some stuff which you can see in my Flickr set, before being defeated by my bad memory (I could not recall how to load Solaris kernel modules; or more precisely, where to find which kernel modules one can load with modload or whatever it is).

So, having spent 10 minutes trying to get the network working, I turned my attention to USB mass storage, for I have a AU WIN W41H (Flash, sorry) phone that acts like a USB hard drive. First, I just plugged it in in hopes that vold and KDE would cooperate and give me a little icon on the desktop to which to drag my screenshot image. No such luck. So I tried mounting manually, but could not figure out which entry in the /dev filesystem was appropriate. So I Googled more:

This stuff "worked", but then I tried to mount the correct device and the mount command just hung for 60+ seconds until I unplugged the USB cable.

So all of my screenshots were taken the old-fashioned way, with my keitai's camera. :)

The bottom line is that I spent 20 minutes trying unsuccessfully to get my screenshots off the BeleniX box, and I consider myself well above average competency when it comes to Unix. But this is really a documentation problem, and one that I'll be happy to help solve once I get my Solaris admin legs back. :)

Good work, OpenSolaris and BeleniX crews! The product looks nice and Just Works; at least 95% of the way.

Earthquake and Fire II

2007-07-17T11:10:00.000+09:00

We're fine, people in Niigata are less so.

There were a series of earthquakes starting at 10:13 JST yesterday (2007/07/16). The epicentre was in Niigata Prefecture (新潟県), where the larger quakes reached 6-upper on the Japan Meteorological Agency seismic intensity scale (if that sounds just like the Wikipedia article, don't worry, I am only plagiarising myself).

Down here in Tokyo, it was only a shindo 3, so our experience was summed up by the JMA as follows:

Felt by most people in the building. Some people are frightened. Dishes in a cupboard rattle occasionally. Electric wires swing slightly.

As I said, people in Niigata were not exactly OK; 7 dead / 790 injured, according to the Daily Yomiyuri. Also, there was a fire at a nuclear power plant; from the same article:

The Nos. 2, 3, 4 and 7 reactors at the Kashiwazaki-Kariwa nuclear power station in the prefecture automatically shut down after the earthquake, according to Tokyo Electric Power Co. A small fire broke out in an electricity transformer of the No. 3 reactor, but no damage was reported to the reactor. The fire was extinguished at about noon.

Google News info: http://news.google.com/news?as_q=niigata+earthquake&svnum=10&as_scoring=r&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&tab=wn&resnum=0&ct=property-revision&cd=1&btnG=Google+Search&as_epq=&as_oq=&as_eq=&as_qdr=&as_drrb=b&as_mind=15&as_minm=6&as_maxd=17&as_maxm=7&as_nsrc=&as_nloc=&as_occt=any

News Hounds: We watch FOX so you don't have to

2007-07-15T11:45:00.000+09:00

Note: this post was originally made to Politics Schmolitics, another blog to which I contribute.

Pretty cool news aggregator blog: http://www.newshounds.us/. They also have a nice YouTube videos page.

I found it through YouTube while watching the two Wolf Blitzer interviews with Michael Moore:

Oh shit, there's more:

Sanjay Gupta says a lot of good stuff here, but the thing I like the most is his point about how we need to spend more on preventative care so we will not have to spend so much on care after people get sick, which is harder and thus, more expensive.

On to Larry King Live (which I just misspelled as "Larry Kink Live", much to my amusement):

Gupta points out that "free health care" is not "free", says France is "drowning in taxes" and running a 15 billion dollar deficit. From a US Department of the Treasury press release, entitled "U.S. Fiscal Outlook Improves Significantly in December Fiscal Year to Date Deficit Down; Monthly Surplus Up More than 300 Percent":

The Fiscal Year to Date deficit ($80 billion) is down 33 percent ($39 billion) compared to the same period last year. The President's tax relief has stimulated strong economic growth. This strong growth has contributed to record-level receipts and the creation of more than 7.2 million jobs since August 2003. October to December receipts for FY 07 are at $574 billion, running 8 percent ($43 billion) higher compared to the same period for FY 06.

So even though we are not "drowning in taxes", we are running an 80 billion dollar deficit (five times that of France, which is pretty much the same per capita; France's population of 63,713,926[1] is 21.16% of our own population of 301,139,947[2]), and that is a "significant improvement". Hrm... what would be one way to pay for universal healthcare without raising taxes to the "drowning" point? Maybe reducing the 4.06%[3] of GDP we spend on the military (and that was in 2005, estimated, let's see what the GAO thinks about this year... this just in: the GAO's search functionality fucking sucks! To wit: my search for keywords "military spending" for this year returns a bunch of hits, all of which are to PDFs with almost worthless abstracts. Let's see if Google can do better: my search for keyword "military spending" on site:gao.gov turns up this (Warning: PDF; click here for Google's HTML version) as the ninth result. Ugh. In the 21st century, transparency means findability, and while PDFs are great for reading and printing, they are not ideal for searching, quoting, and sourcing. Note to the GAO: please provide HTML versions of all of your documents!)...

Where was I? Oh yes, military spending. The CIA World Factbook says that we spent 4.06%[3] of GDP--or 536.33 billion dollars (based on a GDP (official exchange rate) of $13.21 trillion[6]), or $1786.40 per person per year (based on a GDP - per capita (PPP) of $44,000[6]). The 2007 military budget (Warning: PDF; click here for Google's HTML version) says $439.3 billion, but that is just what is budgeted, not what is being spent. I had hoped that the GAO would give me a good number on what is being spent, but I could not find it in finite time. :(

Anyway, even if we take the DoD's numbers at face value, that would still be 3.3%[6] of GDP, or $1463.22 per capita. I don't know about you, but that is a sizeable chunk of my total tax bill. Assuming the mean US tax rate of 17.5%[7] and the mean household income of $58,208[8] (as of the 2001 census), the average household pays $10,186.40 in taxes per annum. Assuming the average household contains 2.0 people (I could only find census data for Hispanic households, which was 2.58[9], so I'm fudging the number, but in a way that actually weakens my case), that is $5093.20 per capita, making our military spending an astounding 35% of each person in America's tax dollars!

As an aside, if you want to read something amusing, try the rosy picture painted by the CIA World Factbook of the US economy on for size.

And now, the exciting conclusion of the Michael Moore vs. Sanjay Gupta fight, refereed by the ~~disgusting hack~~ excellent journalist, ~~Harry Thing~~ Larry King.

[1] SOURCE: CIA World Factbook
[2] SOURCE: CIA World Factbook
[3] SOURCE: CIA World Factbook
[4] DIRECT SOURCE: Wikipedia
[5] INDIRECT SOURCE: FY 2007 Department of Defense Budget, page 19. I verified that Wikipedia was, as of 2007/07/15 01:20 GMT, correctly representing this data
[6] SOURCE: CIA World Factbook
[7] SOURCE: WWW.WORLDWIDE-TAX.COM (please do not view me using this source as claiming it is reputable; I used it only because I could not find hard numbers from the US government--I tried both the IRS and the CIA World Factbook--and it came up quickly in a Google search)
[8] SOURCE: U.S. Census Bureau
[9] SOURCE: U.S. Census Bureau (not a very good source, but the best I could find; see the above points about the relationship between transparency and findability)

A Blunt Instrument

2007-07-11T11:55:00.000+09:00

This is a shite post, but I am way too busy with Life, Work, and Fatherhood.

My love for Penny Arcade has been chronicled here before, of that I feel certain, though I am too lazy and/or short of time to poke and prod at the daemons that lurk in the dusty corners of my archives, for to force them to relinquish said juicy tidbit of blog wherein I proclaim Yea! Unto the very Floor of Hea'vn! dost my love for the Arcade of the Penny soar!

Leaving aside the excellent art and the irreverent humour, the thing that really keeps me coming back like a literary junkie is the excellent writing of Monsignor Tycho Brahe, pictured at left.

To wit, this is one of the most amazing bits of prose I have encountered in recent history:

I have faith that, in a fundamentally just universe, things will be set right. And, in those cases where the universe is slow to act, let my rage be the instrument.

Apparently I am an American Idiot

2007-06-28T15:32:00.000+09:00

...for being so late to the party on this one!

I am speaking, of course, of Green Day's 2005 effort, "American Idiot", which I do not hesitate to call the best rock concept album of this century. Holy shit! This is the leftist answer to the likes of American idiots like Toby Keith (yeah, as if angry jingoistic bullshit will help "win" the "War" on "Terror").

One of my personal favourite lines from the album is this one:

Well maybe I'm the faggot America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along to the age of paranoia.

Now, let the debate begin on whether this is a punk rock album. I hold that punk more an attitude than a musical style, and Green Day's (correctly) anti-(fucking idiotic) establishment stance is very much in keeping with punk rock stalwarts such as The Clash ("Know Your Rights", anyone?). Three cords and yelling do not punk rock make, kids.

SFB, care to comment?

Mitsuya's Liquor

2007-06-24T00:25:00.000+09:00

Or Sam's Town Strikes Back.

It has been quite busy recently, so I've not had a chance to blog much, but we took a walk over to Daiso and Mitsuya's today, so I figured I'd dust off this entry and add a few photos to my directions.

Sam dusts off a bottle of Segura Viudas Brut Reserva NV for me.

I went into Sam's tonight to restock my beer fridge with a bottle each of Балтика 3 Классическое and Heather Ales Kelpie Seaweed Ale, and decided while I was there to grab a bottle of the bubbly to celebrate the end of a truly hellish work week. Sam recommended the Segura Viudas Brut Reserva NV, a real value at ¥1,450, and I was not disappointed. I am not a big champagne fan, but this was a very nice, dry one that even I could appreciate.

So if you too want to experience the magic that is Mitsuya's Liquor, clicky clicky for the map.

Directions:

From Tokyo Metro Minami-Asagaya Station (南阿佐ケ谷):
1. Assuming you are coming from Shinjuku, get off the train and take the transfer passage under the tracks--it is in the middle of the platform--to the other side (if you are coming from Ogikubo simply stay on the same platform), then go out the turnstiles and up the stairs.
2. The left fork of the stairs (exit 2b) will dump you out in front of the Suginami-ku-yakusho (杉並区役所--ward office).
3. Turn right and walk in front of the kuyakusho, taking the first right, which is a little path between the kuyakusho and Asagaya Middle School (阿佐ケ谷中文).
4. The path will take you out behind the fenced-in playground of the school and to a small alley.
5. Turn left to follow the fence, then right with the alley when it turns (approximately 30 metres).
6. The alley will dead-end into a shopping arcade; turn left, take five steps or so and Mitsuya's will be on the right-hand side of the arcade (you'll recognise it by the beer and wine bottles in boxes out front).
From JR Asagaya Station (阿佐ケ谷):
1. Take the North Exit, then turn left and walk to the corner of the main street (there is a McDonald's across the street more or less in front of you).
2. Cross the street, then the entrance to the shopping arcade will be horizontally to your right (at two o'clock on the dial of a watch, or at an angle of roughly 50 degrees--one radian?).
3. Head into the arcade, and follow it for roughly 600 metres (you will pass a Laox on the right, then a Book-Off on the left, then a Peacock on the left).
4. After you pass the Peacock, you will pass two alleys on the left, and Mitsuya will be on your left hand side, on the corner of the second alley.
5. Again, look for boxes of beer and wine out front.

Whiskey, You're the Devil

2007-06-16T01:33:00.000+09:00

You're leading me astray /
Over hills and mountains /
and to Amerikay /
You're sweetness from the Bleachner /
and spunkier than tea /
oh whisky you're my darling drunk or sober!

Oh yes; I've done it again; I've been drinking again and having too much fun!

First and foremost, I'd like to give shoutouts to mah boyz: Erin, Keith, Mauro, Pietro (capiche, paisan?), Edward, Alberto AKA Prez fo' Life, Lyle (nice to see you again, playah; let's make it twice a year from now on!), Dave B., Curt (you fake American Canuck you!), Edward "Holdin' Down His Set" Wri-zite, Marty and Karen, et al. Nice to meet Kim, Marty and Karen's awesome Irish guest (let's just call him Dougal), miscellaneous 日本人 (sorry gents, you did not give me cards and I cannot remember your names).

Big props to everyone who was man (or woman: Karen) enough to partake of The King of Beers (ビールの王様). Sorry 'bout that, Edward. ;)

Much fun was had, much beer was drunk; I am proud to say we exhausted Town Cryer's supply of Bass, Anchor Steam, and some other beer that is not coming to mind at the moment.

Yeah, TLUG nomikai; act like ya know!

In other news, hot shit includes:

Common - Like Water for Chocolate

Mos Def - Soundwave Presents: The Mos Def Collection (Mixtape)

Dead Prez and Outlawz - Can't Sell Dope Forever

Ogikubo Yuki

2007-06-11T12:06:00.000+09:00

I have no idea who this Ogikubo Yuki chick is, but she must be pretty famous, since they are always talking about her at the Tokyo Metro Marunouchi Line stations: 「一番線に荻窪行きが参ります。」

Lyani and I left a sleeping Kai in his grandmother's loving care and set off for Ogikubo this afternoon. We walked the back way, and were treated to parts of our picturesque little neighbourhood that we've never seen before. Suginami-ku is overflowing with greenery and flowers (those of you who think Tokyo is an ugly city really need to pop over this way and have a look-see), providing a lovely olfactory as well as visual treat for the pedestrian. This we knew. What we did not know is that people with a penchant for building unique and at times bizarre houses seem to flock to our little section of the -ku. There are two houses that we know of that are completely covered with ivy, with only the main door clear. There are houses that look like they belong in 17th century Holland, and houses that look like they belong in 23rd century floating cities. Words really cannot describe the fascinating stuff around here; I owe you all some pictures. Stay tuned.

We went to Ogikubo ostensibly for some grocery shopping, but mainly just to take a walk and enjoy each other's company. Mission accomplished, we arrived at Ogikubo Station with light hearts and lighter stomachs. I had a craving for some greasy chicken, and The Colonel was only too happy to oblige. I got the "Red Hot Chicken", which lived up to its name only inasmuch as it had a slightly reddish hue. The hot? Not so much. I also got a biscuit for desert, and really craved some butter on it, so I asked the cashier if they had any. She looked at me as if I were crazy and said no. I sighed and accepted the packet of Honey Maple Imitation Sweet Sticky Shite Sauce that comes with biscuits here in the Land of the Rising Diabetes Rate and started humming "Carry Me Back to Old Virginny" softly to myself, a nostalgic tear forming in the corner of one eye as I dreamed of buttermilk biscuits slathered thickly with high-fat butter, washed down with a thick glass of buttermilk, extra butter please.

Give me butter!

Speaking of butter, we went to this fancy-smancy French restaurant a couple of weeks back when my boss was in from Seattle, and they had this butter that cost ¥500 it was so good. As if the Hokkaido butter that they dispensed gratis was not good enough. But, to quote the immortal John Travolta when presented with a five dollar shake, "Goddamn! That's a pretty fuckin' good milk shake pat of butter... I don't know if it's worth five dollars, but it's pretty fuckin' good."

I also was pleased to see that I spoke better Japanese than the Japanese register jockey. The fast-food staple phrase, "For here or to go?" in Japanese is rendered, 「店内でお召しあがりますか？」 ("Ten'nai de omeshi-agarimasu ka?"). To which the お客様 (okyaku-sama--the customer/god) replies 「はい」 (hai) if he is, or 「いいえ、持ち帰りです。」 ("iie, mochi-kaeri desu"--"no, takeout (please)") if he's in a hurry and must to blow this popcorn stand. But this teenager had shortened it to 「お召しあがりますか？」 ("omeshi-agarimasuka?"), which means, precisely, "Are you eating (oh most honoured and wonderful customer/god, to which I am not even scum upon the pond into which you urinate, most honourable and with a vigorous golden stream, glistening in the sun that has risen solely to honour your most honourable self... &c.)?" I should have replied, 「いや、見るだけのつもりですけど。。」 ("No, I was planning on just looking...").

Japanese people do not know no keigo no mo', unlike me, master of my own language and dabbler in theirs. Ain't ah thuh most smartest kid in skool, Mamma?

Anyway, we had us some finger-lickin' good chicken, then hit the Seiyu for to get our grocery on. I hit the jackpot by locating ice cream, which has all but disappeared from Japanese grocery stores and konbini in the past year (any Japan experts know WTF? Ota? Matthew?)--I am convinced there is some sort of conspiracy on. Maybe the Keizai Yakuza are shorting chocolate or something.

Then it was back to our station, where Lyani lit out for home with the hard-won chocolate ice cream clutched tightly in her hands, and I popped up to スタバ to procure some Arabian Mocha (also known as the crack rock of coffees).

That reminds me of a funny story Keith told us at lunch yesterday. This Bolivian guy is stopped at the airport in Zurich by Swiss customs officials. He's importing this big 13kg (26 pounds or so) wheel of Bolivian cheese. Into Switzerland, a country famed almost as much for its cheese-making. as for its banking and chocolate producing. So they inspect this wheel of cheese, and needless to say (so why am I saying it?), beneath a thin veneer of cheese was tightly packed Bolivian White. Yeah, cocaine, baby. Awesome.

Stopped by Mitsuya's Liquor on the way home to pick up a bottle of Red Stripe and one of Tusker. Oh yeah, and a bottle of Napolean brandy, which is the closest thing to rakiya that I can find in Japan. Sam was there, so I asked him more about his personal history, and it turns out he spent 10 years in the good 'ol U.S. of A., in Tex-ahw and North Carolina. He was nothing other than a teppanyaki chef at Benihana's. I asked him if he can still do all the samurai badass stuff on the grill, and he said, "Yeah. I wanna do that stuff out on the street near here. There is this big festival in the summer every year, and I keep meaning to do a demonstration. It would blow people's minds, man."

Teppanyaki, you see, while not exactly a for-export-only product, in Japan is is just basically stuff cooked on an iron grill (鉄板 means "iron plate", and 焼き means "to grill"), minus all the showmanship.

Sam never ceases to amaze me. The next entry will be solely an advert for his beer store, with fancy Google Maps and the whole nine yards.

AdSense

2007-06-10T18:10:00.000+09:00

You may have noticed Google AdSense links have appeared on my blog.

I harbour no illusions of these ads actually generating meaningful revenue, but I am curious about AdSense for two reasons:

I want to see how it works so I can possibly use it for websites or webapps in the future, and

I wonder what kinds of ads will be generated for the crazy-ass content I have on this blog. :)

If you really hate the ads, say so in the comments, and I will consider removing them. But you have to have a pretty good reason, as I think the AdSense stuff is pretty unobtrusive and does a good job of generating links to stuff I actually might care about.

So, How Cool is Neal Stephenson?

2007-06-09T07:50:00.000+09:00

Yesterday was a day that reminded me how lucky I am to work for Amazon.

I started out the day by interviewing a candidate for an internal transfer to a new team under our umbrella (mobile retail). One of the coolest things about working for Amazon is that they encourage you to try new things; if you get burned out or bored with your job, apply for a different job with Amazon. This is an extremely good idea for a lot of reasons, but mainly because we have a lot of very smart people working for us--if our highly selective hiring process is working right--and why not give them chances to grow their career or try a different career with us instead of losing their talents and brains? I got my current job through an internal transfer, so maybe I am a bit biased. ;)

Anyway, internal candidates are given preferential treatment in two ways:

They skip the phone screen stage (where we reject over 90% of candidates; anyone involved in hiring for engineering positions can surely understand this), and

All other things being equal, and internal candidate always gets the offer over an external candidate.

The guy who I was interviewing was an absolute joy to talk to. He was a very smart, interesting guy, he knew his Computer Science backwards and forwards (which he should, since he has a Ph.D. therein; but some Ph.D.s seem to completely forget the basics due to an extreme focus on their specific research area) and best of all, he was passionate about his work.

The last interview I did for an internal transfer candidate also went very much like this. Interviewing is fun and rewarding when you get good candidates, people you cannot wait to work with.

Right after the interview, I wrote my feedback like a good boy (Joel would be so proud), then popped out for lunch with Mauro and Keith. We went to TGI Friday, where we were met by our esteemed fellow TLUGger, Erin. We dined lustily on haute cuisine Américaine, then the three Amazonians rushed back to Cross Tower to get on a bus for Roppongi Academy Hills, for a special all-hands meeting with none other than Jeff Bezos.

All-hands meetings have been described as pep rallies, and I suppose that's basically fair. If so, this meeting was a resounding success, as I had a great time and came out of it feeling more energised and excited about the future of the company, &c.

Jeff Bezos is an extremely engaging speaker. He is funny, thoughtful, and modest with no traces of false humility. He had come to Japan to announce the launch of Amazon Prime, which is our "all you can eat" free shipping service. I am proud to say the Japan is the first international Amazon site (the others being Germany, the United Kingdom, France, China, and Canada) to launch Prime, and I am even prouder to say that we on the Anywhere team launched Prime on the mobile phone site at the same time as the PC site.

There was a Q&A session at the end of the meeting, and someone asked the typical Japanese question, 「趣味は何ですか？」 (what is your hobby?). Jeff replied that his primary hobby was fatherhood, then went on to talk a little about Blue Origin. I just had to ask a follow-up question: "So, how cool is Neal Stephenson?"

Jeff laughed at that, then explained briefly who Neal Stephenson is ("metaverse" was the only word the Japanese interpreters had trouble with all day) and why he is relevant to Blue Origin, then he answered my question thusly:

"Very cool."

Kinda sums up the whole day for me. :)

Game Theory, Selfishness, Economics, Science, and Beer

2007-06-05T22:42:00.000+09:00

In that order!

There was the a very interesting article in the June 2007 issue of Scientific American about game theory that got me thinking. The article was written by the inventor of Traveller's Dilemma, which is a simple game devised as an experiment to test some principles of game theory.

It works like this: you and another person return on a plane from a tropical island. Both of you pack a souvenir that you bought on the island in your checked baggage. Predictably, your baggage is handled roughly, and the souvenir is reduced to fragments. The man in charge of the baggage claim desk has to reimburse you for your loss, but he doesn't want to overpay. So to keep you honest, he offers the following deal: both you and the other passenger write the cost of the souvenir, which can be no less than $2 and no more than $100. If both of you write the same number, he will assume that you are both honest and pay you that amount. However, if one person writes a lower amount than the other, he will assume the lower amount is the real price and pay you both that amount, but with an honesty bonus of $2 to the person who wrote the lower amount and a dishonesty penalty of $2 to the person who wrote the higher number.

For example, if you write $55, but the other passenger writes $45, he would get $47 (the low price of $45 plus the $2 honesty bonus) and you would get $43 ($45 minus the dishonesty penalty of $2).

Got all that?

Now how would you play the game? Your first instinct might be to simply write $100, or some other very high number ($98, $95, etc.). But the optimal strategy is actually to write $2!

It may sound counter-intuitive until you run the logic a bit. Here is an example of the voices inside the heads of the two players:

You think: I'll write $100.
He thinks: I could write $100... but if he writes $100, I'll write $99, that way I'll get $101 instead of just $100!
You think: But what if that bastard writes $99, thinking I'll write $100? I'll show him! I'll write $98, and thus get $100 even though he tried to screw me by undercutting my bid.
He thinks: But what if he is thinking this way too? I'd better write $97, so if he writes $98 to try and beat me, I'll still get $99.
...
You think: I've got it! I'll write $2, the lowest allowable, and there is nothing he can do to screw me over!
He thinks: I have to write $2, or otherwise he can undercut me.

Congratulations, you have arrived at the optimal strategy: $2. And since so has he, you guys are mired in the Nash equilibrium (yes, named after that John Nash).

But the interesting thing that Dr. Basu--the author of the article and inventor of the game--points out, people tend not to play as dickeshly as that. His conclusion is that humans have an altruistic instinct that is in constant conflict with the selfish one, and that models that start with the assumption that people are going to make decisions rationally and selfishly tend to get hack-tacular when they are munged to reflect people's actual observed behaviour.

This is the old argument: must a theory be elegant to be correct? Does nature allow for ugly models?

Stephen Hawking is an interesting chap, and he has an interesting viewpoint on reality. He subscribes to the so-called positivist doctrine, saying that a good scientific theory must make predictions about a wide variety of phenomena that can then be observed experimentally. Following from this is the idea that reality is completely subjective, that different mathematical models can be equally valid and equally basic if their predictions agree with observations. So this would mean that ugly theories can be as valid as elegant ones, but the history of science has often showed us that mathematical ugliness hides a flaw in the theory or the maths.

(Seems like I read a book review in SciAm a few months back on a book that talked all about elegance in mathematical models... I think it may well have been Why Beauty Is Truth: A History of Symmetry.)

Anyway, returning to the Traveller's Dilemma, the observation that people do not play selfishly and reduce the TD to a zero-sum game is a very interesting result. Classical economic libertarianism, as espoused by Adam Smith et al., assumes that people do act selfishly, and the very act of everyone trying to serve his self-interest above all regulates the market. Hence the invisible hand.

So most studies of economics and game theory have assumed, until fairly recently, that people will be selfishly rational. Seeing as how this is not necessarily the case might complicate the question, but should simplify the maths.

However, these experiments have been carried out on people, not corporations. It seems to me that corporations as a whole probably do act in a rational, selfish way, controlled by the aggregate authority of their shareholders (or, in the case of private firms, stakeholders). So maybe classical economics is not dead yet. I need to read more about game theory and how it has developed in the latter half of the 20th century in order to understand its implications for global capitalism.

There was plenty of other good stuff in this month's issue of SciAm (and every month's issue, for that matter): an article on network coding; another on an alternate hypothesis to the RNA world one to explain the origin of life (isn't it great that Wikipedia has an "Origin of life" category!?); a bold new idea in the depressing field of conservation; etc.

Which leads me to my next point, that popular science is a wonderful and important thing. Today's scientific fields are so specialised and technical that it is very difficult for a layman to understand the exciting work going on. This simply means that scientists must work harder, because a public that is enthusiastic about science is one that is more likely to push for their elected representatives to fund science (other than extremely dubious weapons research).

Some scientists and laymen alike are rising to the task, and here are three fantastic books I've read about science in the last year, in order of ascending excellence:

A Short History of Nearly Everything, by Bill Bryson - a fantastic history of scientific thought, theory, and of the characters who did the thinking and theorising. This really is the best general introduction to the foundations of modern science that I have seen. It covers everything from how our solar system formed to how human civilisation arose to the structure of an atom, and much more.

The Universe in a Nutshell, by the great Stephen Hawking - Though not as good as the next book I'll talk about, TUiaN is a wonderful look at the basics of string theory, supergravity, M-theory, parallel universes, black holes that ain't so black, quarks, massless force-carrying virtual particles, and my all-time favourite, imaginary time. Simply brilliant. But wait, it gets better, with...

The Illustrated Brief History of Time, also by mah homey S-dot. This book is beautiful in every way, from the lavish illustrations to the thick, creamy paper to the lively prose to the mind-blowing science. Stephen Hawking makes science more exciting than anyone, and the most amazing thing about ABoT is how accessible it is without being dumbed down. Dr. Hawking leaves all of the ideas in and only omits the maths, which are frankly over our heads anyway. :) Just buy this book, or check it out from the library or something. But read it! Now!

Ah yes, beer. I have not forgotten you, my constant companion! I've been having tremendous fun with ratebeer.com. I started using it just as a way to keep track of the interesting beers I've tried, and what I thought of them, but I now find myself addicted to beer tasting. I swore that I would never be one of those haughty-taughty types that drank their beer only from a glass and remarked on the palate of the brew, etc. But damnit, it is just so much fun!

So yes, my hobby is now beer tasting. Unlike wine tasting, however, you get to actually swallow the stuff. If you care to, you can probably keep up with my adventures on my beer rating page.

Sam's Town, Redux

2007-06-04T22:29:00.000+09:00

Sam's Beer Store is also known as Mitsuya Liquors. I'll provide an address and directions soon, as all of my readers who are located in Tokyo will want to make for it with the quickness.

I rated both the Cave Creek Chili Beer and the Taybeh Golden 2.3 out of 5, but for very different reasons. You may be able to see the details at ratebeer.com without logging in, but the gist of it is that the Chili Beer was not beer as much as Picante Salsa without the chunks, very interesting but without any beerlike redeeming qualities, while the Taybeh was a perfect copy of a German pale lager, except minus any especially good taste. It reminded me of the worst Bulgarian beers, which is no insult. I certainly believe the superlative on the label: "The best beer in the Middle East".

But give me a Kamenitsa or a Zagorka any day. :)

Sam's Town

2007-06-03T18:29:00.000+09:00

Or How I Located the Finest Beer Store in Japan.

We have lived in Suginami-ku for almost exactly six months now, but I just found out the best beer store in Japan is a 15 minute walk from our house about six weeks ago. There is this little shopping arcade connecting the nearby Tokyo Metro station and the JR station, and it has the usual assortment of liquor stores, among the cafes, massage parlours, drug stores, &c. I had noticed a time or two that one particular liquor store had a few import beers on display outside, among them Sam Adams, one of my personal favourites. But never did I venture into said store, for reasons unknown to me.

So one day, I come home from work to find Lyani grinning like the Cheshire Cat. She said she had a surprise for me, and that I should open the refrigerator post haste. I did so, and what to my wondering eyes did appear but a bottle of Sam Adams, the perfect beer. Lyani said that she had visited the aforementioned liquor store and got me a Sammy, which to my great surprise was only 300 yen or so. I had seen Sam Adams elsewhere in Japan, but for double that price. She also told me that it was hard to find it inside, because they had so much beer. I assumed that she meant so much Japanese beer (for the big Japanese breweries--Asahi, Kirin, and Sapporo--each produce a stunning assortment of varieties, all tasting more or less alike), but she told me of beers with Cyrillic labels, Chinese labels, Spanish labels, etc.

Needless to say (so why am I saying it?) I had to see this marvel for myself. So I made for the liquor store of legend the next time I needed beer (no, not five minutes after I finished the Sam Adams, but that is a reasonable guess, for those of you who know me). And Lyani was not mistaken. This little store had given over the entire back wall to beer coolers--four in all--offering at least 100 varieties of import beers and Japanese microbrews (of which there are sadly few).

But wait; it gets better!

One day, Lyani and I were returning along this shopping arcade from the grocery store, and we stopped in the Beer Store, as I had started calling it, for to pick up something interesting. I bought two bottles, and the cashier rang them up: 641 yen. I was paying attention to the register, so I did not notice that he had said "roppyaku yon jyuu en" (640 yen) whilst I fished in my pocket for change. I dropped 641 on the counter, at which point Lyani, who had been listening instead of looking, told me, "without the one". I picked up the one yen coin, and the bag, then turned to Lyani and said, "Oh, I thought it was 641." To which the cashier said, "It was. I took one off." In American-accented English!

Those of you who do not live in Japan may not appreciate how shocked I was. You have probably heard that all Japanese people study English for ten years in school, and you may be under the illusion that this means they can speak it. You would be quite surprised, then, to hear that even in Tokyo, the vast majority of Japanese people cannot understand English unless it is spoken to them directly, slowly, simply, and accompanied by generous hand gestures. So to have a Japanese guy understand what I had said to Lyani out of the side of my mouth was impressive enough. So have said dude reply not "itto wazzu, ai tsukku wan", but in American English blew my mind, man.

Anyway, I was too flustered by this development to say anything beyond, "thanks", but the next time I went to the Beer Store, I made a point to ask this guy what his story, and the story of the Beer Store itself, was. It turned out that he had lived in America for some time, and he just really liked beer. I complimented him profusely on his selection, telling him that it rivalled all but the very best American beer specialty stores, and it was surely the best beer selection I had ever encountered in Japan. He asked me where I was from and what I was doing in Japan, and when I told him I was working for Amazon, he replied, "Oh, so you know Jimmy, then?" Jimmy being a software engineer who sits right next to me at work!

So I have been taking advantage of this excellent selection of beers for about six weeks now. Today, I picked up a bottle of Cave Creek Chili Beer (the link is to a Flash site, but it might be worth clicking on it to see a anthromorphic chili pepper kick the shite out of a lime)--a lager spiced up by the addition of a whole chili pepper!--and one of Taybeh Golden beer, which is brewed in the West Bank, Palestine. I have not drunk either of these yet, but here are a few varieties that I have enjoyed over the past few weeks:

Singha (Thailand): a really crappy Southeast Asian lager. Not much in the way of flavour, but I am sure that is OK on a blazing hot day in Bangkok. I'll have to ask my sister Bethany if she's ever had it in its native environment.
Tiger Beer (Singapore): a crappy Asian lager, but not as bad as Singha, no matter what ratebeer.com says.

An Indonesian one that I cannot remember the name of, but it was the best non-Japanese Asian lager by far.

A Brazilian Pilsner that was really excellent.

I'll be sure to let you know how the Chili Beer turns out.

Zombies and the Greater Tokyo Bulgarian Conspiracy

2007-03-30T16:19:00.000+09:00

In Tokyo these days (and presumably all major cities in Japan), a non-trivial portion of the population walks around, both on sidewalks and in train stations, consulting the tiny screen of their mobile phone like it contains the only thing worthy of their attention. Lyani and I have dubbed such individuals "zombies", as they shamble around, completely oblivious to the world around them. Except that these zombies value text messaging, web browsing, and playing Final Fantasy more than sweet sweet human brains.

As I have frequently noted here, Bulgarians have invaded Tokyo in great numbers. Their diabolical plan has but one weakness: for one month out of the year, they can be easily detected by the fact that they will be wearing at least one martenitsa.

I was at a TLUG meeting a couple of weeks ago, and noticed that a guy behind me was wearing something red and white on his wrist. At the break, I gave him the secret Bulgarian conspiracy challenge, and he responded correctly. We exchanged the secret handshake and spoke no more of this.

It has been a long time since I have written anything here. A combination of lack of time and lack of motivation is to blame; I think the finally breaking spring weather (and the sakura that it entails) is responsible for supplying me with the desire to write something.

Geek Test

2006-12-09T14:10:00.000+09:00

Step back, mundanes!

That is right, I am a computer god. Sadly, I would have done better on this test a few years back, before I got married and realised that there is more to life than computers and beer.

I am moving this weekend, and have no real time to blog, but I was scrolling through the newly created Planet TLUG and saw that Keith had posted his test score, so I had no choice but to take the test myself.

Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory

2006-11-09T08:29:00.000+09:00

Of the coming of the Dems! Or at least the leaving of the GOP.

More interesting commentary on the midterm elections can be found over at Politics Schmolitics, or on your television thanks to "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report", but I'd just like to express my appreciation to my fellow Americans for booting the party of War, Graft, Morality of the Do-As-I-Say-Not-As-I-Do variety, Pomposity, and Arrogance out of Congress (and probably the Senate too, though the results are still out as of right now).

I hope this can be a new beginning for America. Let's start trying to undo the damage that has been done to the reputation of our great country. Let's go back to our Boy Scout roots and strive to leave this planet cleaner than we found it. Let's beat the fundamentalists back the only way we can, with the force of our ideas, not of our arms. Let's raise wages in America, hold corporations accountable for their behaviour, do away with the tax loopholes that help the rich while strangling the middle class.

In short, let's make America great again. Let's remake the country into what we claim it is: a shining city on a hill, the last hope of freedom.

I'm Still Alive

2006-10-28T10:05:00.000+09:00

she said. "But do I deserve to be? Is that the question?"

Yes, I know. It has been many moons since last I graced the 'Sphere with my lyrical yet powerful words. Sorry 'bout that.

I am alive, and doing quite well. So well, indeed, that I have had zero time to keep y'all informed. But as time presents itself, fear not! for I shall write many a blarticle!

Oh My Goodness Now What Have I Done?

2006-09-18T17:05:00.000+09:00

I've been drinkin' again and havin' too much fun. (Ugh, my head...)

I found this in my drafts and decided just to post it as is. Fun enough. :)

Way too much has been happening lately. Lyani left for Bulgaria last week, and I was fortunate enough to have the busiest schedule of my young life, in terms of Stuff to Do After Work (StDAW--use that with my blessings). You miss your wife a lot less when you do not have any time to think. :)

So, recap:

Sunday, 10 Sept. - I went to the little park near my house to practise a little football (AKA soccer AKA サッカー). I started juggling, but between the tall grass and the guy shooting baskets nearby, I couldn't maintain my focus. So I went over, introduced myself, and asked if I could shoot around with him. He said he didn't mind, and we had a good time playing some good old fashioned basketball. It took me back to my childhood, trying to dribble on a gravel court. He invited me to play some ball tomorrow night (Tuesday) with a few of his friends at a gym near Maihama Station.

Monday, 11 Sept. - I cannot remember doing anything, but that seems unlikely, thinking back on the week.

Tuesday, 12 Sept. -

Japan: The Cleanest Nation on Earth

2006-09-10T21:44:00.000+09:00

But how!?

In my albeit limited experience, I have yet to find a country with cleaner big cities than Japan. You walk down the street, and you might have to go half a block before you find as much as a discarded cigarette end. And this is in Tokyo! Population 35 million people, one of the world's financial, technological, and fashion capitols.

The reasons for this are approximately (in my highly scientific study which involved asking myself--margin of error plus or minus 1.27) twofold:

Japanese people follow the rules (this is not precisely true, but I'll come back to that in the expanded explanation of this item), and

The city governments employ people whose soul function is beautification of the city (other cities do this too, of course, but I'm not talking about garbage men garbage persons sanitary technicians and Parks and Rec staff).

Right, so to go into more detail on point one. I claimed that Japanese people follow the rules, and that is almost true, if a bit of a simplification. I have witnessed the following in Japan: at 03:30 in the morning, in a sleepy part of town (Kanazawa, which is pictured at left because I can), not one but several pedestrians stood on a street corner, waiting for the signal to change to "Walk", despite the fact that there were a) absolutely no cars on the road, and b) even if there were, you could see roughly a kilometre up the road in each direction any way; at a specific subway station (Minato Mirai Station, if you must know), there is a sign asking people to line up in twos, and people actually did it, in a line so straight that my high school gym teacher (Coach T, for those Stauntonians in the know) would have wept tears of joy.

But yeah, despite these arbitrary examples and the fact that Japan has no crime, etc., it is not entirely correct to say that the Japanese obey the rules. Nay, me bonnie lass! They obey not the rules but the conventions, and there is a slight different. Japanese society is a rigid and formal beast, where "the nail that sticks up gets pounded down" (and I really need to find out how to say that in Japanese! Matthew?), and the law of the land means naught when it runs up against societal convention. An excellent example is this one: Japan, like any halfway civilised country, has traffic laws. One specific traffic law is that when you are approaching an intersection and there is a huge white line painted on the street, preceded by huge white letters proclaiming tomare (that's 止まれ, meaning "stop!!!"), you must stop your vehicle behind the bloody line. You know, just like in America? But here's the kicker: sometimes the intersection has only a stop sign (as opposed to a stop light), or you are in a position to make a legal left-hand turn on red (you did know that they drive on the wrong side of the road here, right? what is it with these sodding island countries and the left-hand driving!?). If you stop behind the line, you can't see very well, so you might not be able to make your turn and you might be (gasp!) five seconds later to wherever the hell you are going in such a damned hurry, jackass! (I'm talkin' to you, punk!) If you stop at the very edge of the intersection, you can see, but now you have to go to the carwash to clean the entrails of the poor pedestrians who were in the crosswalk out of your gleaming grille. So what do you do?

In America, the compromise I have seen accepted by most drivers is simply to stop behind the line (in case there are pedestrians in your crosshairs or a copper is lurking nearby, ready to add to the city's coffers and meet his quota serve and protect by writing your arse a ticket), then creeping forward to a better vantage point and finally making the turn right in front of me, jerk! (See, I may miss my car, but I don't really miss driving, at least not in the city.) But the Japanese, ever efficient, have decided that this momentary pause is foolish, so they just roll right up to the edge of the intersection before stopping. Of course, if a pedestrian is crossing, the driver will deign to stop his one-tonne steel death-chariot rather than have to go to the carwash (not because the driver cares about your life, you see, but because going to the carwash would make him later than just waiting for your slow arse to shuffle across the road, grandpa!). The only problem is, of course, if a pedestrian is planning to cross--nay is taking his penultimate step on the sidewalk, when out of nowhere roars a Toyota, shooting for the last centimetre before running the risk of getting hit by cars on the intersecting road (again, because it would make the maniacal driver of said Toyata late to the pachinko-ya). Pedestrian, prepare to dive for your life, suckah! And if you lose your balance and fall forward, making contact with the trunk of the Toyota, hoping for nothing more than the preservation of your pathetic life, you will be sworn at in language that would make a yakuza blush.

Note, the above did not happen to me, ever. Oh no, I'm just speaking hyperbolically--er, hypothetically. Right. Bastard driver.

Oh yeah, the whole point of that rant, ostensibly anyway, was to point out one example where all Japanese drivers follow a convention that is actually in violation of the "rules". In fact, I'll bet that if a Japanese driver were to stop behind the sodding line, he would promptly be rear-ended, at which point the aggressor would get out of his car, angrily, and ask the law-abiding citizen just what the hell he was doing stopping so recklessly.

But luckily for us all, convention and law agree that littering is not a nice thing to do. Industrial pollution and illegal dumping of toxic substances? A-OK!

Er, right. Sorry. What I meant to say is that most people do not litter, because if they do, they will be pounded down. (In fact, I would be most happy to administer the pounding, but more on that later.)

Back to my second point (remember that?), the fact that there are people walking around the city, paid handsomely (well, probably not; in fact, I doubt they make a living wage) by the various and sundry city and other local governments to clean up trash. And not only do they clean up trash, they clean up bloody trash cans! No, for real. I have seen old ladies scrubbing public trash cans vigorously with a rag, juicing those suckers with vigorous-looking red cleaning fluid from a spray bottle.

Of course, the reason that city governments can afford to pay little old ladies to clean public trashcans is that the city of Tokyo has approximately three trash cans (one in Ginza, one in Shinjuku, one in Shibuya; none in Roppongi, naturally). I am damned serious, you can find yourself walking for hours in Tokyo, looking for a place to throw away your chewing gum wrapper (happened to me today, in fact). Luckily, convenience stores usually have cans out front for empty bottles, cans, PET bottles, and burnable and non-burnable trash. Of course, that does not help you when you are in a train station or walking down a street in bloody Nishi-Funabashi, where there are no convenience stores in a five kilometre radius!

OK, I am a staunch beliver in proper garbage disposal. In fact, when Lyani wants to irritate me, she claims to have spit her chewing gum down a storm sewer drain. I separate my trash into more categories than anyone: burnable, non-burnable, recyclable paper, recyclable metal, recyclable glass, recyclable plastic, batteries (nope, I don't just throw them in the non-burnable like the rest of you eco-criminals out there), biohazardous waste... oops, I guess I did not really mean to reveal that last one. I am not doing experiments on creating a master race fusion between cats and frogs! Nothing to see here, move along. And so forth.

Oh, right, so I was simply making the point that I am pretty much Captain Planet. And yet wild fantasies of wanton littering have been known to play through my fevered brain when I have been holding my spent Snickers wrapper in my hand for better than an hour, looking for anywhere to dispose of the damned thing. Lemme tell you, I have been pretty tempted to stuff stuff like that right into the omnipresent recyclables bins (which, of course, are only omnipresent until you actually need to recycle a bloody Fanta Grape can). Haven't done it, but wanted to.

Contrast this with most other cities in the world. I will pick on Sofia, Bulgaria here, just because it is where I made the observation first, but I am sure it applies to Washington, London, Paris, Berlin, and Beijing as well (oh yeah, and Moscow; sorry 'bout that, Vladimir Vladimirovich). Sofia has public trash bins literally every thirty metres. Two to every city block, I am not kidding. And yet, what do you see next to these lavishly placed bins? You guessed it: trash! Mounds and mounds of the shite.

So thanks, Japan. Viva la conventionidad socialistichen! Ета правда!

The Day that "Crikey!" Lost its Ring

2006-09-05T10:49:00.000+09:00

I am a little surprised myself, but this news actually makes me sad:

Reports of the Australian wildlife television presenter Steve Irwin's death have long been either exaggerated or expected. On previous occasions, Irwin, known worldwide for his Discovery Channel programmes, was allegedly killed by a black mamba and a komodo dragon. This time, sadly, the reports were true - the barb from a stingray punching into his heart in what most experts regard as a freak accident.

Say what you will about the man most of us knew simply as "The Crocodile Hunter", but he was a great lover of our planet and the astonishing variety of flora and fauna that lives on it.

This article has a lot of great Steve Irwin quotes, if you are interested.

Rest in peace, mate.

Sapporo Bound, Part II

2006-08-27T07:34:00.000+09:00

In which our intrepid travellers board JAL flight 1021 for Sapporo's New Chitose International Airport.

As we left off last time, Lyani and I were sitting at gate 16 in Tokyo International Airport, waiting to board our plane. I was blogging away, trying frantically to catch up to the present--or so Lyani said. She cracked a joke about the piano player in this episode of "Family Guy", who is singing a narrative account of the Griffin family's post-apocalyptic journey, which rapidly becomes real-time (warning: Lyani and I think this is the worst episode of "Family Guy" ever). Our plane had pulled up to the gate, and I finished my blog entry and powered down my laptop.

And now, let me take this opportunity to introduce you to one of the most amazing aviation sites on the Internet: AirLiners.net. I learned about it from the superb "Ask the Pilot" column on Salon.com (the Pilot, alias "Patrick Smith", also has a book out, which I would highly recommend that you buy from Amazon!). Patrick Smith is an airliner pilot (currently on furlough, thanks to 9/11 and the havoc that our heavy-handed, inept attempts at "securing our airports" has wreaked on the airline industry) who writes about the joys of flying--interestingly, what excites him the most is not the defying gravity bit, but the fact that you can get on an airliner in Boston and step off halfway around the world--speaks frankly about security as it applies to commercial aviation, and dispenses much wisdom on the safety of modern air travel (hint: flying is the safest way to travel by several orders of magnitude). He also makes heavy use of the aforementioned AirLiners.net (you wondered if I was going to remember to get back to that, didn't you?) in his column, linking to photos when making a point about specific models of planes, airports, etc. But, most exciting of all (at least for this geek) was the revelation that every aircraft has a registration number--usually located on the tail--that stays with it from the day it is built to the day it is retired from flying. This identifier even persists when one airline sells the plane to another! And wouldn't you know it, AirLiners.net allows you to search by registration number!

So I made sure to write down the registration number of our Boeing 777-300 (actually, thanks to AirLiners.net, I learned that not only was it a 777-300, but it was a 777-346!) so that I could search AirLiners.net for photos of this exact plane to see where it had been. Well, I am writing this from our hotel in Sapporo (the Hotel Monterey Sapporo, which I would highly recommend if you ever find yourself looking for accommodations in Sapporo), which has a broadband Internet connexion, so I have access to all the photos of our lovely plane that my little heart desires. If you, gentle reader, would but clicky clicky upon my photo of our plane, at right, you will be whisked away to the magical world of AirLiners.net, which offers a bountiful harvest of photographic documentation of the very plane we rode to Sapporo in! Ain't technology miraculous?

The plane, it would seem, is pretty young, as the earliest picture I found on AirLiners.net dates from 2003. And in fact, with a quick Google search, I found this page, which has a listing for our plane indicating that it was delivered to Japan Airlines on November 13, 2003. Amazing what you can find out with Google these days! (It seems that Patrick mentioned a way to find the production date of any airliner, provided you knew its registration number, in one of his columns, but I cannot recall it right now.)

Anyway, I think I am done geeking out now about information technology, so let me move on to the flight itself.

As I just noted, our plane was pretty new. And it looked the part: the seats were clean and unworn, the inner fuselage was spotless, and even the metal frames of the seats (the part that is bolted to the cabin floor) were shiny. Contrast this to the condition of the plane during your last domestic flight in the US, and don't give me the "but that plane was older" spiel, because a) it probably wasn't, and b) so what? you can replace seats, cabin panels, carpet, etc. We sat in the very back of the plane, where the side columns of seats were only two abreast, and it was an ideal place to sit. Well, other than the fact that JAL did not have passengers board by row number, which meant that we had to wait for people who were sitting in the front of the plane, but who had gotten on before us, to stow their carry-on baggage and get out of the aisle before we could pass. Come on, JAL, show some of that Japanese optimisation that made Toyota the world's most successful automotive manufacturer! Oh, but while I am on boarding, let me just say that other than the sub-optimal ordering, the process was amazingly smooth. When the boarding call for our flight sounded, a huge queue immediately formed (of course, it was one of the neatest lines that I have ever seen, Japanese people being the proficient queuers that they are) behind the gate. Lyani and I were probably the hundredth people in the queue, and we figured it would take all day to get on the plane. The line did not move at all for about five minutes (I think they were pre-boarding the elderly, disabled, and mothers with small children), but then it started moving, and it moved as fast as we could walk! Unbelievable! They had a pair of train station-like turnstiles in front of the entrance to the Jetway, and you just walked up and handed your boarding pass to the attendant, who stuck it into the turnstile just like you would your train ticket. It then popped out the other side and the attendant grabbed it and handed it back to you with a smile and a "arigatou gozaimasu". The process could have been completely automated, but leave it to Japanese companies to make sure that o-kyaku-sama (the customer-god) does not even have to go to the trouble of inserting his own boarding pass in the machine! :)

The coolest thing was that, from the moment we entered the airport to the moment we left on the other end, not once were we asked for photo identification! Contrast this with America, where you must show your photo ID at check-in, again at security, and possibly a third time at the gate, despite there being no laws on the books that require such a thing. Japan's approach to airport security was as close to perfect as I have seen: no making you take off your shoes, no confiscation of your tweezers and nail clippers (having my pocket knife taken was a little on the silly side, given the size of the blade and the fact that I could have easily improvised a better knife from materials readily available on the plane, but the way they handled it took the sting out of it), and best of all, no surly security personnel blaming you for the fact that their job sucks. Japanese airport security screeners probably have a crappy job, but they certainly do not let o-kyaku-sama see that written on their faces. They just screen for explosives and machine guns and let you through with no hassle and no sinking suspicion that Big Brother is watching you.

Oh yes, the flight. That is what I was supposed to be talking about in this entry!

Like I said, the cabin was clean and well-appointed. We had a decent amount of leg room, our tray tables were clean and in good shape, the cabin service was excellent (the flight was just over an hour, so there was only beverage service), and the flight was smooth. The weather was gloomy and overcast in Tokyo, but we shortly climbed above the clouds into a brilliant blue sky (pictured at left), puffy clouds below and not a care in the world. We spent just about an hour above the clouds, though we were flying at a low enough altitude to catch glimpses of the scenery below through gaps in the cloud cover. As we were leaving the northern coast of Honshu, the clouds gave way to reveal some lovely bits of coastline, and then we were over the Tsugaru Strait (the bit of water separating Honshu from Hokkaido and connecting the Pacific Ocean to the Sea of Japan.

It took longer than I thought it would to cross the channel, it being only about 20 kilometres across. Of course, now that I look at a map of Hokkaido (pictured at right), I see that to fly to Sapporo, we would have probably been flying not across the strait proper, but rather across the large "bay" of the Pacific Ocean between Honshu and Hokkaido. In any case, we flew over the ocean for a few minutes, then made landfall on Hokkaido, and less than five minutes later, we were landing at Shin-Chitose International Airport (or CTS, in IATA parlance--not SAP, which turns out to be a small airport in Honduras, and also the reason why I could not find any direct flights from HND to SAP when I was searching on Travelocity and its ilk).

From Shin-Chitose, we took an escalator into the B1 level of the airport and walked through an underground passageway to JR Shin-Chitose Station. After discovering that JR Hokkaido still does not accept Suica, we purchased two tickets for around 1000 yen (just under $10 US) each for Sapporo. We boarded the train, found seats (thank goodness!) and settled in for a train ride that took just under an hour.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Lyani and I got to Sapporo. I love Japan's public transportation system: we got on the train, rode it right into Haneda, flew to Hokkaido, got on another train, and got off in Sapporo within two blocks of our hotel. Now that is convenience!

Sapporo Bound, Part I

2006-08-25T19:50:00.000+09:00

Like two masochists in Hokkaido, we're Sapporo bound! [1]

Lyani and I woke up at around 07:45 this morning (actually, I got up by instinct at 06:30, but whatever), packed two backpacks, and set out for Haneda Airport. We stopped by Becker's Coffee Shop at our station to pick up a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant sandwich apiece, then hopped on a Keiyo Line rapid heading for Tokyo. We got off at the next stop, Shin-Kiba, transferred to the Rinkai Line, and rode it for a few stops to Tenouzo Isle Station, where we walked around the block to the Tenouzu Tokyo Monorail station. Once on the monorail, it took about 25 minutes to reach Haneda Terminal 1.

Haneda is an old airport, built in 1931, rebuilt--I assume--soon after the war and turned into a US Army Air Base. Haneda was turned back over to the Japanese in 1952, and served as Tokyo's international airport until 1978, when Narita International Airport (AKA New "Tokyo" International Airport, though it is a 60 minute express train ride from Tokyo) was built. However, you would not know that Haneda was not constructed five years ago from the terminal, which is conveniently connected to Tokyo's world-class public rail system, clean and up-to-date, with widescreen TVs and computerised displays everywhere. We had purchased our tickets through H.I.S., Japan's most popular travel agency (I just made that statistic up, but it may well be true), so we had a voucher sheet. Had we bothered to read it, getting our tickets would have been as easy as marching up to one of the many available automatic ticket machines, inputting a confirmation number, and selecting our seats from a touchscreen. Since we did not know this, we just asked a handy JAL attendant, who proceeded to walk us over to another JAL attendant who was standing in front of the automatic ticket machines, who then proceeded to enter our information in the machine and ask us about our preferred seats. We chose two in the back (the plane had three columns of three-abreast seating, except in the back, where the last two rows were two-abreast), one by the window and one on the aisle--I prefer the view from the window seat, but Lyani likes to be able to get in and out more easily. I should have paid attention to see what kind of equipment we would be flying on, but I will see soon enough. I guess it will be a Boeing 727, but it could also be one of the smaller Airbus models--I forget which model numbers are smaller at the moment.

After we had gotten our tickets, I confirmed with the attendant that our backpacks were both small enough to carry on, and Lyani inquired about liquids, then we approached security. I am happy to say that the Japanese extend their courteous brand of service even to airport security. I took the stuff out of my pockets and placed it in a small plastic tray that was helpfully provided ahead of the main security line, then walked up to the metal detector and x-ray machine. There was a table in front of the x-ray machine, and a security person, who I asked if I needed to take my laptop (on which I am currently typing this blog entry, at gate 16) out of my backback. She confirmed that I did, and pulled out a tray for it. I then waited to be called through the metal detector, as per standard operating procedures, which seemed to puzzle the security personnel a bit--I guess they expected me to walk on through right after depositing my bag. I went through the metal detector without incident--and there was no mention of removing my shoes--but when I got to the table on the other side of the x-ray machine, the security guy told me that the x-ray machine found something, and asked if it was OK to look through my bag. I said sure, and then he asked me if I had a knife or anything. I told him that I did not think so, at which point Lyani walked up, and said that she thought that it might have been my keychain that set it off--the key to our apartment is this big metal wafer. She pulled it out, then discovered that right under it was my Swiss Army knife! I had simply transferred it from the bag I carry to work to the stack of stuff to pack this morning, and Lyani had packed it without a thought. To me, it is more a tool than a knife, since I use the screwdrivers and so on all the time at work, but almost never the knife blade. And to Lyani, it did not seem like a "weapon" at all, probably because the blade is about five centimetres long.

Most of you probably have a story like this, where you inadvertently packed some verboten item in your carry-on luggage, only to have it discovered and subsequently confiscated by security. The story always ends something like, "and that is how I lost my heirloom Buck knife, passed down through my family for five generations." Of course, this being Japan, the security guy apologised profusely for inconveniencing me--the idiot who had accidentally packed a prohibited item--and whipped out an envelope with attached paperwork, which he started filling out. He asked me if it was OK for him to take the knife (he used the polite Japanese "o-azukattemo yoroshii deshouka?", which means something like, "is it acceptable for me to take temporary possession of this item for processing?"), put it in the envelope, and have it returned to me in Sapporo. I could not believe my fortune--I thought my 800 yen bought-from-Don Quixote knife was a goner for sure. I just had to write my name (actually, Lyani wrote it for me, as my handwriting is barely decipherable by fellow Americans, never mind Japanese people who don't even use the Latin alphabet to render their written language), and we were on our merry way, but not before the entire security staff apologised again for delaying us, ever so slightly.

And that is my big Japanese airport security horror story. Not so harrowing, is it? Granted, we did get to Haneda at 10:00 on a Friday morning, when it was almost devoid of other travellers, but I was very impressed with the polite and professional treatment we received at the hands of the security staff.

And by the way, while I was waiting at the table on the other side of the x-ray machine, I noticed a strange scanning machine. No sooner could I wonder what it was used for then did a security guy walk up to it, carrying two litre bottles of green tea. He placed the bottles on the machine, which started a progress meter moving on its small display screen. The progress meter took less than four seconds to complete, then it flashed a green light and displayed the Japanese equivalent of "all clear" on the screen. So this is Japan's response to the foiled UK terror plot involving liquid explosives: rather than ban all liquids from carry-ons, they simply ask each passenger if they have any PET bottles (in Japanese, this is literally "petto bottoru"), which they take over to the screening machine, then promptly return. So no need to sacrifice your liquid refreshment in the name of security, just come to Japan! :)

Our plane just rolled up to the gate, and it does indeed look like a 727. I will do my best to find out, then report back. So fear not, dear readers, you shall soon know what kind of plane I will be riding!

Just back from the JAL desk: it is a Boeing 777-300 (in Japanese, that is "Bo-ingu nana-hyaku nana-ju nana dashu sam-byaku", in case you were wondering). Surprisingly, the girl had to look it up--I just figured she would have known. Of course, I should have known just from looking at it if I was a real airliner geek. Planes and trains fascinate me, and I like to find out as much as possible about them, but I don't have the hardcore geekitude to memorise the different models by sight. That reminds me, though, of a story from my childhood. I grew up in a remote valley in Virginia, which was great for Air Force and Navy test flights by virtue of its remoteness. The planes would roar down the valley, often in speeds at the excess of the sound barrier (how do I know? from the sonic booms!), flying low enough to evade detection by "enemy" radar. Some citizens group distributed literature on how to spot the planes and call in to some complaint line. You had to tell the complaint line what model of plane it was, so they knew which military base to complain to, so the literature contained profiles and outlines of the planes as seen from the ground. I loved looking up, a sheaf of papers in hand, and determining what model of plane was buzzing our peaceful little farm. Of course, I never called the complaint line, because I did not want the planes to stop conducting their training runs in our valley.

Later, when I was in Junior High in Staunton, my friend Ian had an awesome military hardware encyclopedia, which we used to flip through for hours, dreaming of how we would equip our armies if we had an unlimited budget. Sad to say, when the (first) Gulf War lit up CNN in 1991--I was 11--it was like pornography to Ian and I. We could not get enough of Bradley and M1A1 Abrams tanks, A-10 "Warthog" anti-tank planes, TOW and Tomahawk cruise missiles, and bunkers in the sand. There was a Gulf War video game released around that time for Super Nintendo, where you would cruise around in an Abrams, looking for Iraqis to blow up. Of course, the final boss was none other than Saddam himself. Ian and I would play that for hours on the small black-and-white television out in his playhouse. It was a perfect simulation for us.

Anyway, back to the present... it is almost time to board the plane, and "cat /proc/acpi/battery/BAT0/state" tells me that my battery has only 13060 mWh left, so I'd better end this entry here. Join me next time for info on the actual flight.

The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on Fire!

2006-08-24T11:30:00.000+09:00

Because of the extreme heat, you see.

So, it has been hotter than Helsinki around here recently, so Lyanka and I have decided to do the traditional Japanese thing and flee Tokyo for the more temperate climes of Hokkaido, specifically the grand olde citie of Sapporo. Some of my more cultured readers may recognise Sapporo as the name of a beer, and indeed the lure of visiting the Sapporo Brewery was a major factor in my desire to get my vacationation on in Sapporo. While we are on the topic of beer, and beers named after cities, let me just point out that the Kirin Brewery was established in Yokohama (only several blocks from our old apartment, at that) with help from one Thomas Glover, a Scottsman that I am proud to call one of my illustrious ancestors. Whether this claim contains any actual veracity is an investigation left to the reader. Longtime readers of the jmglov blog may recall that Lyani took a "field trip" (I would have called it a "feel good trip" instead) to said brewery, an occurance which I promptly chronicled here.

Oh yeah, and beers named after cities: Yebisu, which comes from Ebisu, which is the same word, except the Japanese deprecated the hiragana for "ye" a long time ago (there was a "ye" character in the manyogana, if you are a hardcore Japanese or linguistics--or Japanese Lingistics--geek), as per this fine page (after linking the aforementioned page, I noticed that it belonged to none other than Jim Breen, fellow TLUGger, founder of the EDICT project, developer of the smashing WWWJDIC dictionary interface, and all-around fine human being). And what, pray tell, is my connexion with Ebisu / Yebisu? Well, that is where one Japanese office of Pricewaterhouse Coopers Japan is located, and said office handled my visa when I started working for Amazon.

So anyway. Off to Sapporo and the beer halls thereof we are, and not a day too soon, for they say "autumn weather" is coming to Tokyo next week. I will, frankly, believe that when I see it, since last year we had to use the air conditioner into the first week of November, and only had to crack the heater on a week or two before Christmas.

In other news, I have been playing a lot of football recently. I played with the FC chaps (and in this case, FC stands for "Fulfillment Centre", not "Football Club") on Thursday night, the Rabid Arsenal Supporters Clubbe (or R.A.S.C.E., or NAMBLA) on Sunday afternoon, and the HQ chaps on Tuesday night. Tragically, I had a sore thigh muscle that I didn't know about on Tuesday, so the first time I took a right-footed shot, I felt it, but good. The upside was that I got to use my left foot a lot, and found that it was not the inferior tool that I had remembered. Of course, it could have just been born of necessity, but I had a few Beckham-like shots with some really nice spin off my left. Anyway, three outings, three goals. Which is nice, since I had a nice long string of goalless matches before that.

Don't Step on the Backs of My Blue Suede Shoes

2006-08-12T17:28:00.000+09:00

Or how the Japanese have not yet learnt the difference between shoes and geta.

I have to thank both Ota and Lyanka for many of the insights contained herein; I am little more than a synthesiser of their collective brilliance.

An interesting thing happened sometime after the war: Japanese people started wearing Western-style footwear. I mean, Western-style footwear other than boots, which soldiers (and probably factory workers) had been wearing for a while. Previously, most people wore geta (pictured at left, clicky clicky for the larger version), if they were a member of the samurai or merchant classes and wearing yukata--zori if they were wearing kimono or waraji if they were commoners.

All three of these types of traditional footwear are in the sandal family. Waraji are the forerunners of Birkenstocks: sandals made of hemp or straw. Zori are closer to flip-flops, lower and lighter than waraji, and with cloth straps instead of straw or hemp ones. Geta can best be described as platform sandals; they are basically a thick block of wood on short stilts, with cloth straps on top to bind the whole thing to the foot. Geta were excellent for the upper classes in feudal Japan, who wanted to keep their colourful kimono and yukata out of the muddy streets when they strolled about town, lording it over the commoners.

But why are all three forms of Japanese traditional footwear a type of sandal (i.e. having no back and attached to the foot only by two straps starting in the back third of the sandal and meeting between the big toe and the second toe of the wearer)? The answer is rather simple: the Japanese have not worn shoes in their houses since time immemorial. Westerners who have ever visited a Japanese friend (or even one of those new age hippy types who asks you to take your shoes off inside the door) know what a pain it is to take off your Western-style shoes when you come in, then put them back on when you leave. Or, if you are one of those new age hippy types or a Westerner who has lived in Japan and thus thinks it is a wonderful idea to ban shoes from the house (Ota and I rolled that way back in uni), you know what a pain it is to deal with your footwear, especially if you are going in and out a lot, carrying groceries in or some such.

One benefit of sandals is that they are very easy to take on and off, so they suited the Japanese lifestyle perfectly. You'd roll up to your house (or someone else's, if you were visiting), pause a moment in the genkan, turn around so your back faces into the house, and simply step out of your footwear and up into the house. Japanese houses have elevated floors, but genkan, or entranceway, is at street-level. And that is where you leave your shoes whilst inside the house.

When the Japanese started wearing Western-style footwear (i.e. shoes that enclose the entire foot and not just the bottom), they did not do away with the tradition of leaving their shoes in the genkan. Instead, they came up with a very Zen solution to the problem: allow the shoes to become sandals. Japanese people tend to ignore laces on their shoes--they tie them once, and then never untie them again. When they want to take their shoes off, say in the genkan of a house, they just pull each foot out. When they want to put their shoes back on when heading back outside, they just step down into the shoes, mashing the backs down so they can slip their feet in. At an izakaya, a Japanese beer hall where you usually sit around a lowered table and thus must take your shoes off, it is very common for the restaurant to provide a shoe horn or three, which people will happily use with their tennis shoes (or lace-up Oxfords, in the case of the sarariman), rather than going to the bother of untying and retying them.

The result of this is that Japanese people's shoes take quite a beating. The backs of the average person's shoes are pretty ravaged, and it is not uncommon to see guys walking around with the heel of their athletic shoes so mashed down that their shoes have essentially become clogs. Seriously, where the back of the shoes should be, you just see the heels of their socks, with the heels of the shoes crunched under the feet. Shoes into sandals, you see. I realise this might be a bit difficult to picture, so please refer to the image at right (and clicky clicky, of course).

But there is another interesting side-effect of the traditional footwear. You see, when wearing a sandal, having an absolutely perfect fit is not necessary. If your heel and/or toes hang over the edge a bit, or if you have an extra few centimetres of "flip" and "flop" to your step, it is not a big deal. And that mentality has persisted. You often see guys in athletic shoes that are clearly several sizes too big, flopping around like clown shoes. And you also see girls rocking ill-fitting Jimmy Choos or Manolo Blahniks (Manolos? Manonos? I can't tell.). Too big? No problem, let 'er flop. Too small? No problem, let your toes stick out the front. To heighten the comic effect, girls rarely fasten the back strap of their heels (if their shoes have a back strap).

So all shoes are backless in Japan, at least in the mind of the wearer.

Van Hella-Stupid Movie

2006-08-05T13:34:00.000+09:00

And other high-brow media commentary.

I could hold out nae longa! After many months of resisting the siren song of "Van Helsing", I finally caved and watched it. And yes, to answer your question, it was every bit as awful as everyone who had ever seen it warned me it was. The only good thing about it was a few bars of awesome gypsy music in the soundtrack. I really like gypsy music, and if you do as well, you should immediately run out and buy "Le Violon Rouge", which features some amazing violin music in the gypsy style, as well as Samuel L. Jackson--"That's one #!@#!#@! red-@#%@%$ violin, ^$#$%@@*#@!". Well, not really. I mean, Mr. Jackson is in the film, but he is not his usual badass self. Well, a little, but he does not drop any F-bombs. I think. Hell, just watch the film!

Oh yeah, back to "Van Helsing". Total crap, and you all told me that, yet I still watched it. Why? Well, I have a certain soft spot for vampire fiction--if they make a film, novel, TV series, or lyrical poem containing vampires, I will most likely watch or read it, as the case may be. Oh yeah, and aliens! Almost as cool as vampires. Now if they would just make a movie about alien vampires, or something like that... heh heh.

In other media news, Lyani and I are still watching "Lost" at a pretty good clip--we are now about ten episodes into Season 2. And let me just say, the big "one of your favourite characters is going to die in the next episode!" stunt was pretty weak.

"Lost" is basically like junk food--you know it isn't good for you, but yet it is so delicious that you can't stop. The only thing I will give the writers of the show credit for is an interesting plotline and not being afraid to make us hate all the main characters. Of all the main characters, there is only one guy that I have never had a "I hate this guy!" moment about, and Lyani is the same way. Predictably, the one non-hated dude is different for each of us! :)

I have slowed way down on my reading as of late, both because my daily time on a train has dropped from close to three hours to 15 minutes, and because I am trying to spend my free time studying for the Japanese Language Proficiency Test , or JLPT (日本語能力試験, for you Japanese-speakers out there). These four letters, arranged just so, strike fear into the hearts of students of Japanese everywhere. The test has four levels, starting at Level 4, which is pretty trivial, and climbing up to the next-to-impossible-even-for-native-speakers Level 1, or ikkyu. I am going for Level 2, which is described thusly:

The examinee has mastered grammar to a relatively high level, knows around 1,000 Kanji and 6,000 words, and has the ability to converse, read, and write about matters of a general nature. This level is normally reached after studying Japanese for around 600 hours and after completion of an intermediate course.

Lyani, of course, having just completed her Jedi training, has set her sights a notch higher. Yes, she is attempting the vaunted Level 1:

The examinee has mastered grammar to a high level, knows around 2,000 Kanji and 10,000 words, and has an integrated command of the language sufficient for life in Japanese society. This level is normally reached after studying Japanese for around 900 hours.

10,000 words! I don't think I even know 10,000 words in English! Interestingly enough, Lyani attended a lecture back at the IUC given by a professor of Japanese Linguistics, and he said that knowing 10,000 words in French, Spanish, or Italian would cover 95% of the language in general use. In Japanese? 10,000 words buys you a paltry 80%! This should not surprise anyone who has ever studied Japanese--as soon as you think you have a good basic vocabulary, you try to do something (open a bank account, buy tickets on the ferry to Okinawa, whatever), and realise that there are a bunch of words specific to that thing that you don't know.

So wish us luck, gentle readers! And if we don't make it, say a prayer for our passing...

The Importance of Being Earnest...ly Busy

2006-07-31T17:34:00.000+09:00

Oh my. The past week has been jam-packed. Here is a brief summary of what went down when and with whom:

Friday, 21 July: Lyani and I went out to Ginza after I got home from work, ate at Friday's (sometimes I need burgers and fries--it's part of the American DNA, I think), then saw Empress Michiko on our walk back to Ginza Station.

Saturday, 22 July: After Lyani's English lesson in Yokohama (she is teaching English to a Japanese girl), I hopped on the train and met her in Ueno, where we proceeded to visit the Ueno Zoo. Outsanding animals included two very active polar bears, scores of penguins, a sweet Hokkaido brown bear who was chewing quite contentedly on a stick, languidly lounging tigers who still managed to look quite menacing, Japanese monkeys (which I have also met in the wild, regrettably--they are mean little buggers, with the stick throwing and screeching), and a massive, evil-looking alligator that scared the ever-living crap-ola out-a me-a (don't know why I got all Italiano there).

Sunday, 23 July: Lyani and I rode the Keiyo Line train one stop to Kaisai-rinkai-koen. The park is a nice enough place by itself, but we went specifically to visit the exquisite Tokyo Sea Life Park. I just love that site's tagline for the aquarium: "If they look tasty, you've been in Japan too long!". Heh heh, very funny. Except that Lyani actually overheard a 10 year old boy looking at some fish and remarking to his father, "美味しそう！", which my Japanese-reading readers will read as "oishisou!", or "they look tasty!". True, true. I dug the massive tuna, the hammerhead sharks, the many brightly-coloured tropical fish, and the weird things that are found in the deep ocean. Lyani enjoyed the marine animal puppets in the gift shop.

Monday, 24 July: I volunteered myself and Ota to give a presentation at the TLUG technical meeting on Saturday. I started feverishly coding up a Missile Command clone for our presentation.

Tuesday, 25 July: Lyani watched "Mission: Impossible III" with a colleague of hers from the IUC, then I joined them and a couple other IUC grads at Friday's (I know, I know... but it is so delicious!) for food and drinks... can you say "la cerveza mas fina"?

Wednesday, 26 July: I found out that I would be working Sunday night and Monday morning, as we had a scheduled power outage for an electrical circuit test, as required by Japanese law. I was less than thrilled at the short notice, but there was not any shikata, so I resolved to ganbaru.

Thursday, 27 July: Lyani and I, fearing the fierce summer heat of August, bought plane tickets to go to Sapporo for a long week-end. Hurrah!

Friday, 28 July: I came home from work, hacked mightily on the Tokyo Missile Command source, then had supper with Lyani. We watched a few episodes from the first season of "Lost". It is certainly interesting, but in a slightly cheesy, "I wonder what will happen next?!" way. The acting ranges from decent to downright excellent, though, so I guess that is something. We'll keep watching, maybe it gets "awesome" at some point. :)

Saturday, 29 July: I met Ota at 12:00 in Ginza. We walked to the Renoir Cafe, which is right across the street from Wall Street Associates, where TLUG meetings are held (well, actually, this meeting was the last one at Wall Street for a little while, since they are growing so fast they need their conference room for office space). We sat in Renoir for almost two hours, feverishly reviewing the code that we would be presenting. Went to the meeting, which was great: Junichi Uekawa's presentation on running Linux on his MacBook was so cool that it was all I could do to keep from walking down Ginza-dori to the Apple Store right after the meeting to pick up a MacBook; Ota and I did pretty well on our presentation, given the almost criminally negligible amount of preparation we did; I finally met in meatspace two TLUGgers who I have known for a few years online; beer was consumed at the ensuing nomikai (drinking party, but y'all should know that by now); wireless networks were sniffed at the izakaya; and a good time was had by all.

Sunday, 30 July: I went and played football with a few chaps from work, and a bunch of rabid Arsenal fans. Despite not having touched a football in almost a year, I thought I played pretty well. My fitness was horrendous, but I was better on the ball than I used to be. I think that I am more confident and more patient, and I don't rely solely on my pace to make progress towards the goal. I also played much better defence than is typical, and passed with pretty good precision (including one incredibly cheeky back-heel). I didn't get any goals out of four chances, but I felt pretty good about the way I had taken them (one shot drilled at the keeper, one just wide, a high cross that I could not quite put my head to, and a waist-high volley that I couldn't find a striking surface to play). Best of all, I had a really good time, and spoke more Japanese in the two hours we played than in an average day at work.

After football, I went home, had a big bowl of Lyani's kick-ass chili, then went in to work. Mauro and I undertook the Herculean effort of shutting down all computer and electronic equipment in the entire FC (which is, remember, four times the size of the Tokyo Dome) by ourselves. We accomplished our mission by 23:30, and made our respective ways home.

Monday, 31 July: I hauled myself in to work at 04:35 (I had to catch a taxi, because the first train doesn't roll through Maihama until 05:15). I stopped in at the convenience store right by Ichikawa-Shiohama Station, for to buy some breakfast (loosely defined as a donut and a pint of orange juice), and found three policemen in there. Apparently, there had been some sort of robbery. Mauro stopped at the same convenience store just after I did, and found it closed, so I guess the policemen must have taken the store clerk "downtown" to get his statement. Anyway, Sato-san joined us in the morning, so the three of us were able to get everything booted up and running by 08:00, when production started. In other news, I was sore as hell from the previous day's football--apparently if you do not use muscles in a while, they sort of get weak. Huh. Who'd a thunk it?

Damn the Weather

2006-07-19T10:57:00.000+09:00

Full speed ahead!

At least, I wish that was my attitude. A more appropriate statement might be, "damn the weather, I'll just stay in bed!" Hurrah.

Witness the desolation that is my extended forecast:

All residents of the Kantou chihou may hereby blame me for angering the weather gods by brazenly suggesting that the rainy season was over. My bad, y'all.

Hopefully this nasty weather will blow over before the Fuji Rock Festival commences next weekend. Not that I am personally planning to attend, but I would not wish that kind of buzz-harshing on anyone!

Tokyo wa yoru no shichi-ji

2006-07-16T12:33:00.000+09:00

"Tokyo wa yoru no shichi-ji (the night is still young)" is the name of a J-pop song from back in the day. The band is called Pizzicato Five; you can groove to the video here, thanks to YouTube.

The reason that I bring this up is that the title means, "In Tokyo, it's 7:00 PM", which, if you ask me, is when Tokyo is at its best on a summer day. It just so happened that last night, I was leaving the dentist's office at about 18:30. Ginza is a pretty cool place to be any time, I guess, but 18:30 last night was almost magical. It was just before dusk, and the oppressive heat of midday had retreated just enough to make being outside comfortable, like a warm blanket draped around your shoulders. The crowds of shoppers that had been swarming all over Ginza since early afternoon were almost gone, and it was still too early for the club-hoppers and other denizens of the night to be out. There wasn't much traffic, either, so Ginza was strangely quiet. Add a sun slowly setting through the omnipresent haze of pollution, and you have a brilliant moment.

Getting off the train at Maihama, I was once again treated to one of Tokyo's elusive glimpses of heart-breaking beauty. Tokyo is a big city, and is afflicted with all the numerous unpleasantries that go with urbanity: unpleasant smells, a constant cacophony of noise as people, cars, and giant television screens compete for your attention, and so on. But every once and awhile, the city gives you a brief reward for putting up with its shit, and just such a reward was long overdue.

As I exited Maihama Station's north exit, the sun was setting off to my left, staining the sky a brilliant pink / orange, while the elevated highway climbed to meet it. Truly a breathtaking view, and I am only sorry that I did not have my camera on me (though I suppose I could have snapped a low-res picture with my keitai that would not have done the scene justice).

Japanese Dentistry Illustrated

2006-07-15T19:34:00.000+09:00

Well, a summer thunderstorm swept in and cut short Lyani's and my photographic excursion. I guess I should not have mentioned in my blog how the rainy season is "over". Nor should Lyani have taken her umbrella out of her purse. Nor should we have had the audacity to want to take some pictures under a blue sky. Consider us punished, Oh Great Weather! Anyway, we got a few pictures, so we should be able to post a pictorial sometime soon--though we might wait until we are able to get a few more pictures. We'll see what the weather has in store tomorrow.

Anyway, the main thrust of this entry is to describe my first encounter with Japanese dentistry. Don't worry, I emerged unscathed. Sometime last week, Lyani and I realised two things: 1) I pay a reasonably large amount every month for health insurance (which includes dental coverage), and 2) I have not been to the dentist since just before we moved to Japan, last September. (Speaking of which, if you find yourself in Columbus, Ohio, I highly recommend Dr. Barbara Hanson; and I hear that Sarah Zarick kid is supposed to be pretty good, too!)

Moving to remedy this situation, Lyani did a little bit of Googling, and came up with an English-speaking dentist in Ginza, one Dr. Hitomi Hayashi. Lyani made me an appointment for 17:00 this evening (Saturday, 15 July, 2006). I left the house at 16:00, walked down to Maihama Station (luckily, the rain had subsided, and even more fortunately, it had taken the edge off the heat--which reached 32° today, and felt like 40° once the humidity was factored in), rode the Keiyo Line to Shin-Kiba, then switched to the Yurakucho Line and got off at Ginza 1-chome (-chome is a standard counter in Japanese for city blocks). The dental clinic was right across the street from a branch of my bank, the ubiquitous Tokyo-Mitsubushi Bank (well, technically, it is now the Mitsubishi Tokyo UFJ Bank, but I am still irritated with the name change following the acquisition of UFJ Bank, so I am sticking to the old name). I crossed the street--which was made easier by the fact that the street had been closed off to traffic, which I am assuming happens every weekend afternoon in the busy shopping district of Ginza--walked into the building, caught the elevator up to the forth floor and walked into the dental clinic, and immediately thought I was in the wrong place. The clinic looked more like a beauty salon than a dentist's office, with young, stylish ladies sitting at a counter in the waiting area, examining literature and touching up their make-up (which is something that Japanese girls will do anywhere, including the train, sitting at a table in a coffee shop, etc.), and a receptionist in a pink uniform behind the counter. Luckily, I noticed right away that the literature the stylish ladies were reading all had to do with the bleaching, straightening, or other manipulation of teeth. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, since Ginza is one of the trendiest neighbourhoods in Tokyo (the other place that leaps to mind when I think of the word "trendy" is Omote-sando); why shouldn't dental clinics located there be très chic?

I walked up to the counter, introduced myself, and mentioned that I had an appointment for 17:00. Being a first-time patient, I had to fill out a brief questionaire and supply my contact and insurance information. Luckily, they gave me the English-language version of the questionaire--I can muddle through that sort of thing in Japanese, but it takes lots of second-guessing and doubting myself. The questionaire was actually a lot less involved than the new-patient paperwork at US dentists would be. I finished the questionaire, and had to wait for about ten more minutes until they were ready for me, but that was no problem, since I had brought along my well-worn copy of "Effective C++" (wow, thanks to Amazon, I just realised that there is a 3rd edition of this venerable book--I guess it is time to upgrade--good thing there is a TLUG meeting next week-end, where I can auction off my copy of the 2nd edition). The only downside of the wait was that the trendy leather chairs in the waiting room were not very comfortable.

Right, so after ten minutes, a dental tech popped her head into the waiting room and called my name, in surprisingly good English. I was not terribly surprised that she spoke English--after all, I specifically chose this dentist since she advertised that she was English-speaking--but I expected that her assistants would speak so-called "katakana English", which is English, but pronounced according to the rules of the Japanese sound system. I am sure you have all heard katakana English on Saturday Night Live: "you rai-ku mo-ah sushi, Mistah Sumisu?" (say it out loud and you should get the picture).

I went into the examination room, and had a seat in the chair. The chair itself was a bit different from the American ones; American dental chairs tend to be all-in-one affairs, with the sink basin, the examination light, etc. all attached to the chair. In this case, the chair was free-standing, with the sink basin attached to a table on one side, and the light and other stuff on the other side. The dental assistant used a control on the table to the right (where the sink was) to recline the chair so she could have a look at my choppers. The reclining process itself was pretty cool: the chair went up about 30 cm first, then smoothly reclined while a leg support came up from the bottom. Kind of like a Barcalounger on the Starship Enterprise. And while this was going on, the sink swung up from the table and positioned itself conveniently.

After an initial look at all of the surfaces of my various molars, premolars, canines, and incisors (heh heh, thanks, Wikipedia!), I went into another room for the dreaded panoramic x-ray. The x-ray was pretty much just like the ones I remember from American dentists' offices, but instead of the bite wings that they put in your mouth to keep your teeth apart for the x-ray, the tech just stuck a toothpick sideways between my front teeth. Whatever works, I suppose. From there, it was back into the exam room for cleaning, polishing, and flossing.

The cleaning was done completely using an electric tool, in contrast to the manual scrapers that I was used to Stateside. The cleaning tool spewed water to keep the teeth from getting too hot, so the tech had to use the suction hose in tandem. The cleaning tool emitted a high-pitched whine not unlike the cry of the dreaded drill. Luckily for me, I did not have to be introduced to the Japanese version of the drill, as my x-rays came back clean.

The polishing process was the same as the American version, except the dentist did not have the sweet bubble gum flavoured paste that I fondly recall from my childhood. They offered raspberry mint, green mint, and wintergreen, in order of increasing "cool feeling" (direct translation from クール感).

Flossing was a little different. They used a really thick gauge floss, which they worked between the teeth, then pulled out from one end, instead of popping it back up between the teeth (hopefully you can imagine what I mean, as I cannot think of a better way of describing it without resorting to ASCII art).

So, that was my visit to the dentist. The best difference from America of all? With my insurance, the checkup only set me back ¥4000--about $35 US!

Mushi Atsui

2006-07-15T10:21:00.000+09:00

The Japanese have a great phrase to describe the weather during their infamous summers: 蒸し暑い (mushi-atsui). The word means something as prosaic as "humid", but it has a really great sound that seems to sum up the violent heat and humidity that comprise a typical Japanese summer day: moo-she au-tsoo-ey. Looking at the two words that make up the phrase, the literal translation would be something like: "steaming hot", which is more like it.

Since I am writing about how to describe a Japanese summer day, you may correctly surmise that the rainy season (梅雨, tsuyu) has passed us by and left us in the wrenching grip of summer. The rainy season is usually three weeks of solid rain, but this year, it was an odd one. It was something like five weeks of drizzle for three days, clear for two days weather, which just made us nervous, since we were expecting the "real" rainy season to start any day. It is certainly true that the fear of something is worse than the thing itself.

Anyway, this morning, I woke up at around 9:00, after a pleasant evening with the Amazon IT crew and our assorted wives and fiancés at El Torito, a decent Mexican restaurant that Lyani and I used to frequent in our Yokohama days. Of course, this particular El Torito was not the one on the 26th floor of the Yokohama Sky Building (alas!); this one was located on the ground floor of an unassuming, five-storey building by the Nishi-Kasai station on the Tozai Metro line. But the tacos were still tasty, the quesadillas quality, the enchiladas enticing, and the spicy sauce spectacular. Oh yeah, and the Corona was on special: la cerveza mas fina indeed! Best line from the evening? One of my colleagues is upbraided by his fiancé: "If your back has hurting, why did you go to the pachinko parlour instead of the chiropractor?" Replied my colleague, "Well, it wasn't hurting then!"

But back to this morning. Lyani decided to make pancakes for breakfast, so while she washed a few dishes, I headed around the corner to the Daily Yamazaki convenience store to pick up some milk and butter (doing my part for breakfast). This was at 9:30 in the morning, remember. So the moment I step out of the shade of our apartment building, the heat slams into me. It was like a physical force, an angry, animal thing that wanted to prevent me from making any progress. I swear the heat was so intense that it was like walking into a stiff wind. Good thing I only had to walk a block and a half, because two blocks in this heat is enough to make the average pedestrian look like he has just been swimming.

I arrived at the Daily Yamazaki with a modicum of sanity still intact. Daily Yamazaki is a chain, which usually means that its stores are staffed with teenagers working part-time, but this Daily, situated as it is in the dodgy end of a suburb, is run by an older couple. It reminds me of the outskirts of Kanazawa, which had a decidely "village" feel. Anyway, I picked up my milk and butter, paid, and the old lady at the counter thanked me for my patronage. I exited the store and turned for home, passing the husband, who was stocking the cigarette vending machine outside the store. He gave me a hearty "thanks" as well. That is one thing I like about living outside of the big city: people are actually friendly. In Japanese cities, sure, people are polite, but they are polite in that distant way that shows that they don't give a damn if you choose to shop in their convenience store or the one next door.

Well, Lyani and I are getting ready to head over to the station / Tokyo Disneyland area for to take some pictures. So, if your luck holds, you might just get a pictorial entry later today or tomorrow, showing you our neighbourhood.

Amazon.co(mmute).jp, Part III

2006-07-05T14:19:00.000+09:00

After lots of bitching and moaning about my old commute, I should probably bring you up to speed to the walk in the park that is my new commute.

I stroll out of the house at 07:30, my cup of coffee in my hand and my bag slung over my back, and walk over the bridge, through a pleasant little neighbourhood, and to the station, where I catch a train at 07:45. I sit down, open my book, and read for the eight minutes or so that it takes the train to reach Ichikawa-Shiohama Station. Then, I walk the 200 metres to work.

So my hour and a half door-to-door commute has been shortened to just half an hour. And I really do enjoy having those extra two hours a day--it makes you feel more like a person, instead of a robotic worker who just goes to work in the morning, comes home, eats, and sleeps.

Workin' for the Man Every Night and Day, Part 2

2006-07-01T02:59:00.000+09:00

I got my wish: the second half of tonight's Argentina-Germany match heated up, and how!

Argentina wasted no time in going ahead, with Roberto Ayala leaping into high into the air and laying out almost horizontally, a metre and a half off the ground, to hit a screaming header past a defenseless Jens Lehmann. 49th minute, 1-0 Argentina.

After that, Argentina seemed to give up on offence, while the now doubly-motivated Germans kicked their own attack into high gear. I am only surprised that it took them so long to equalise, with the magnificant Miroslav Klose heading it home in the 80th minute. The goal was Klose's fifth of the tournament, putting him two goals clear of Hernan Crespo and (of course) Ronaldo in the running for the Golden Shoe.

And then the unforgivable-yet-typical: a huge error by the referee. 88th minute: Maxi Rodriguez makes a brilliant run, penetrates the area almost to the baseline, and is brought down from behind by a German defender, causing me to leap to my feet screaming "PENALTY!". Alas, it was not to be, as the referee not only pointed the wrong way, but produced a yellow card and wrote Rodriguez's name in his book to boot. Apparently the hapless Rodriguez was thought to have dived, but the replay shows otherwise: the German defender applying a textbook tackle from behind that should have earned him a yellow card and a penalty for the Argentines. I guess I should not have been surprised, as the referee had already handed out three yellow cards, only one of them warranted.

The penalty shootout has just ended, with Germany coming out on top, 4-2. So by that I guess you know that regular time ended in a 1-1 draw, and neither of the two additional 15 minute periods could separate the two sides. You hate to see a match go to penalties, but I have to say that the result was fair here. Germany deserved to win, as they were the only team playing hard for the last 90 minutes of the match (as in, from the 50th minute through to the end of regulation, and then for thirty minutes of extra time). Argentina simply did not look a credible threat after they scored in the 48th minute. Sure, they deserved the penalty, and that probably would have won them the match, but it would have been a fluke, as Germany dominated the second half offensively.

Lehmann was spectacular in the shootout, stopping two penalties to net Germany their well-deserved win. 2002 Golden Ball winner Oliver Kahn was giving him instructions before the shootout, and those instructions must have been great. I just wish that Kahn could help his team out between the sticks instead of just on the sidelines, but I guess some things just are not to be.

But where the hell was Messi? Why did Pekerman (who I will now call "Peckerman" until the end of time) put Cruz in in the 79th minute for Crespo? Cruz, as Mauro's brother pointed out, is like the guy you put in the match if you are leading 3-0 and want to make him feel better about himself. But not when you are tied 1-1 with Germany and you are taking out your only decent forward because he is dog-tired. You go to Messi. Every. Damn. Time! What the hell?!

Workin' for the Man Every Night and Day

2006-07-01T00:50:00.000+09:00

00:46 Saturday morning. Most people awake at this hour in the Greater Tokyo area are likely either happily drunk, or relaxing in front of their widescreen LCD TVs with a fine domestic brew, watching Germany play Argentina. I am, alas, at work. Luckily, the nature of the work that requires me to be here from 20:00 Friday night to 08:00 Saturday morning is also of a hurry-up-and-wait nature, which allows me the privilege of stealing more than a few glances at a nearby TV (well, nearby after I moved it there), ice cold o-cha in hand.

The match has been goal-less thus far--as of the half-time break, with the best chance going to Argentina when Hernan Crespo took delivery of a nice long ball deep in the penalty area at around minute 25. He fought for position with the German defender, backing in and getting ready to make some magic, when the referee's whistle stopped play prematurely--Crespo indicated for the foul. From the subsequent replay, I really did not see that Crespo had more of the defender than the defender had of him, and it was a shame that the referee saw it otherwise, because frankly, when Hernan Crespo is one-on-one with a German defender, he is going to make something happen that ends in the announcers screaming "GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!"

I hope there is a bit more offence in the second half. Argentina has had all of the ball (67% possession as of the last stat I saw, ten minutes from half-time), but has only generated one real chance from it. Germany's defence is tight and physical, but methinks the Argentines can break it down with just a little more patience. Oh yeah, and a little more Messi. Why he does not start is beyond me, as he is the finest young player I have seen in this tournament so far, and that includes Christiano Ronaldo's overrated ass.

jmglov Fails to Impress

2006-06-21T07:17:00.000+09:00

Remember a couple of days back, when I made some (rash) predictions about the outcome of last night's games? Yeah... not so right about that stuff.

I said that Germany would beat Ecuador 2-1. Germany did in fact win, but 3-0.

I said that England would beat Sweden 1-0. The actual result was a 2-2 draw.

These outcomes definitely force me to take another look at my knockout stage predictions.

I picked Germany to play Sweden, and England to play Ecuador, both of which happened. That is about as far as my predictions will hold, I think.

I had Germany beating Sweden 3-0, but after the way the Swedes played in the second half against England, I have confidence in them getting a goal against the tight German defence. And the Germans are not going to find the kind of space against Sweden that Ecuador was happy to yield, so shave a goal from them. Final score? 2-1, Germany.

England finally discovered their offence against Sweden. They may have lost Michael Owen, but frankly, he has not made much of an impact thus far anyway. I do not think he will be missed against Ecuador. Ecuador, on the other hand, looked hopelessly outclassed by Germany. They could not find the German goal at all, and I don't think the going will be any easier against England's top defenders. So let me go way back on my initial statement and revise it to 2-0 England.

Other predictions? Argentina, baby. Semifinals at least.

Maradona, Part II

2006-06-20T21:45:00.000+09:00

And to think I was about to blog about something other than the World Cup. Yes, I was sitting here on the floor while Lyani flipped through the TV channels, getting ready to blog about our move and so on, when what to my wondering eyes should appear than a story on Diego Maradona. Specifically, a story making fun of Diego Maradona. Needless to say, I had to watch that.

Apparently, Maradona was pulled over by the German police for speeding, en route back to his hotel after Argentina's win over Serbia on Friday. Heh heh. The best headline I found with Google News was this one:

"Maradona's Joy Proves Short-Lived"

Also, the Japanese show had some great footage of Maradona waving his towel and yelling like crazy to support his team, then stopping for a minute to say some nasty things to a younger guy in an Argentina jersey who was sitting in front of him, then go right back to celebrating. Classic.

Sorry for making fun of your countryman, Mauro, but you have to admit that Maradona is a bit much these days. :)

Mad about Football

2006-06-19T21:41:00.000+09:00

Then again, the Japanese may just be mad.

World Cup fever has led to the following silliness on Japanese television (in order of increasing incredulity provoked):

Countless tarento with magnetic models of football pitches, sliding around magnetic likenesses of Japan's "star" players to represent possible formations.

The highlights of the Japan-Croatia and Japan-Brazil matches. Before they happened. Simulated by the tarento playing Winning Eleven against each other. Needless to say, in their "simulations", Japan won both matches. Also needless to say, Japan did not and will not win either.

The international robotic World Cup (or some such), in which teams of 30 cm tall robots play football. Awesome! Needless to say, a technical university from Osaka beat a German university rather handily in the finals.

The only thing missing was a match between two anime all-stars teams. Can you imagine, Gundams, Evas, and Patlabors one one side, Kenshin, Hokuto no Ken, and Howl on the other. Sugei!

McHeartAttack, the .JP Way

2006-06-19T21:27:00.000+09:00

We briefly interrupt our World Cup coverage to bring you the following Public Service Announcement:

McDonald's Japan has brought back the best fast-food sandwich in the history of the universe, the Tamago Double Mac (with cheese). This sandwich is a celebration of cholesterol: two "beef" patties, topped with a huge Egg McMuffin-style slab of egg, bacon, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

But it is here for a limited time only (last year, it was the Sandwich of the Month for October), so git yer keister over to the Golden Arches!

I'm lovin' it.

Elementary (Arithmetic), My Dear Watson

2006-06-19T20:45:00.000+09:00

Is what it will take to see the US into the next round now.

To get down to brass tacks, we must beat Ghana, and one of the following things must happen (in order of descending likelihood):

Italy beat Czech, or

Czech beat Italy by at least three goals, and we beat Ghana by at least three goals, or

Czech and Italy draw, and we beat Ghana by at least six goals.

In the former case, the final Group E table sees Italy well clear at the top, with seven points, followed by the US, with four points, and Czech and Ghana with three. Easy to see what happens here: Italy and the US go through as the top two finishers in the group.

In the second case, we get into the somewhat arcane magick of goal differential. Which is actually not that arcane, as my example will show. Here's what happens:

Czech beat Italy 3-0

US beat Ghana 3-0

This leaves Czech clear at the top of the group with six points, but Italy and the US tied in second place with four points each. How to break the tie? Simple: just add up all of the goals scored for and against both teams. Before the final match, Italy had three goals for and one against, a differential of +2, while the US had one goal for and four against, for a total of -3. After the final, add no goals to Italy's differential and subtract three, leaving them with -1. But add three to the US's differential and subtract none, and you get +0. So the US moves on.

So the best strategy for the US is to beat Ghana by a metric shit-tonne of goals. That way, even if Italy cannot beat Czech, we still might be through on differential. Still, six goals more than Ghana scores is a tall order, so we'd better all don our Italy jerseys on Thursday.

Japan's road through to the next round is similar in terms of mathematics, but worlds different in terms of difficulty. For they must beat defending world champions Brazil , and they must do it by two more goals than the difference between Croatia and Australia if Croatia wins, or three more goals if Australia wins. Take a look at the current Group F standings to see what I mean.

If Japan can beat Brazil by four or five goals (since the slimmest margin of victory for either Australia or Croatia is one goal), they certainly deserve their place in the second round.

Chances of the US going through? 75%, since both the US and Italy are likely to win, thus making all my talk of goal differential a moot point.

Chances of Japan going through? 1%, since nobody beats Brazil by four or five goals.

Don't Cry for Me, Maradona

2006-06-17T20:18:00.000+09:00

Three words can sum up Argentina's performance last night: Oh. My. God!

If you didn't happen to catch it, you missed the biggest blowout of the World Cup thus far, as Argentina fed a steady diet of uppercuts to an increasingly punch-drunk Serbia and Montenegro until the referee stopped the fight. Too bad football does not have TKOs!

To quit the boxing metaphor, what I actually mean is that Argentina won 6-0. And against a Serbian side that looked pretty decent in qualifying, and held their own against the Netherlands in their first match of this World Cup. Argentina deserved to win, given the football seminar that they put on. It was textbook stuff: precision passing, nifty dribbling, great delivery, and best of all, deadly finishing. Against a weaker side, Argentina probably would have been good for another few goals, as well as they were playing.

Maxi Rodriguez picked up a brace to join the 10-way tie for the Golden Shoe, but for me, the most exciting player in the match was easily Lionel Messi, the talented 19 year old who joined the game in the 75th minute. He looked explosive the first time he touched the ball, driving past two Serbian defenders just outside the penalty box, before laying off for a give-and-go that his teammate could unfortunately not connect. Just two minutes later, he beat the defence down at the end line, drove into the goal area, and then put the ball right onto Hernan Crespo's foot for an easy goal. But he was not to be held to just an assist, as he slammed home a goal of his own in the 88th minute.

I cannot wait to see more of this amazing player. Of course, I might have to wait until the next round to do so, depending on how badly Argentina wants to beat the Netherlands--the two meet in Group C's final match on Wednesday. They may not want to risk an injury to Messi, and thus use him sparingly, even if it means a loss to the Dutch. All Argentina needs is a draw, which would leave both teams at seven points, but Argentina waaaay ahead on goal differential. A 6-nil result does wonders for goal differential, no? :) But I were managing Argentina, I would not chase Holland if they go up on a late goal, as a loss would simply mean finishing second in the group. And since there is not much difference between Mexico and Portugal, who are currently leading Group D, I don't think it matters who they face in the first game of the second stage. Also, finishing second in their group would put Argentina in the same bracket as England, a side with whom they have quite the historical grudge. That is, of course, assuming England gets past Ecuador, in clear violation of my predictions.

In any case, I will predict that Argentina has no trouble with whoever they face first in the next round.

Getting back to the game itself, it would have been sheer joy to watch, had it not been for one annoying factor, namely that the referee, a certain Robero Rosetti, apparently had his head lodged in his arse for most of the match. I have not seen so many fouls given in a long time: 14 called against Argentina, and an unbelievable 22 against the hapless Serbians. Oh yeah, and add to that three yellow cards and a red card to Serbia, and a yellow to Argentina just to maintain the illusion of impartiality. He called numerous fouls on Serbian players for challenging the ball, which I thought was kind of their job, when their opponents have possession. I mean, it is one thing to tackle from behind, or come in late, but it is another entirely to slide for the ball while the attacker is trying to run onto it. The latter is just good defending, but apparently not in the mind of Mr. Rosetti.

The sending off of Mateja Kezman in the 65 minute was especially egregious. The challenge that caught the referee's one good eye (OK, so he was not really wearing an eye-patch, but can you imagine a pirate referee?!) appeared to be completely legitimate in the replays. OK, call it a foul if you must, but even a yellow card would have been ridiculous in the situation. A red card was just unbelievable.

I certainly hope that Rosetti does not get another match at this or any World Cup. The game would certainly be better off if he never officiated over another football match in his entire life.

But other than that, very entertaining football indeed. Hope you were watching, Mauro!

England Fails to Impress

2006-06-17T19:53:00.000+09:00

England may have been the second team (after Germany) to qualify for the second stage of the World Cup, but they have not impressed me much, and I predict that unless they start generating some goals, they are going to crash out of this tournament before the semis. Hell, they have a good chance, in my opinion, of being beaten by Germany or Ecuador, in the very first match of the second stage.

Allow me to explain. England pretty much has a lock on Group B, as they face second-place Sweden for their final match of the group stage, and they are going to get at least a point (I am predicting that a draw will be the worst result for England against the Swedes, who frankly have not looked at all impressive this go 'round). As winners of Broup B, England will face the runner-up from Group A, which will be determined when Germany and Ecuador meet on Tuesday. Ecuador actually leads the group on goal differential (5 GF, 0 GA versus 5 GF, 2 GA for ze Germans), so if Germany wants the group, they need to do better than a draw against Ecuador. And Germany definitely wants to win the group, since that would put them up against Sweden in their first match of the second stage, not England. And even though I think England is due for a rude awakening, they are certainly a much stronger side than is Sweden.

So here's what I see happening: Germany beats Ecuador 2-1 on Tuesday. England beats Sweden 1-0 (I don't see the English getting past their offensive woes against the Swedish defence, which has not conceded a goal yet, but I don't see the Swedish attack, which has only generated one goal so far, overcoming England's touch defensive backs).

Germany beats Sweden 3-0 in their first match of the second stage, while Ecuador beats England 1-1 in penalties in their first match.

And these are the gutsy, unpopular predictions that you can only get here. So dig in, folks.

Oh yeah, and let me just close in saying that I hope I am wrong about England, as I really like their team. Maybe Wayne Rooney will be the magic bullet that fixes their offence. But I doubt it.

Spanish Bombs

2006-06-14T22:56:00.000+09:00

On the Costa Leipzig. I'm flying on a DC 10 tonight, fueled by Corona, la cerveza mas fina. (Unravel that one, ya bastards!)

I am quasi-live blogging this whilst watching the Spain vs. Ukraine match (and by quasi-live, I mean I am composing this entry in vim on my laptop, which is currently not connected to the Net, thanks to the 80 cm ethernet cable that Leopalace provided), and I can say that this match, only 23 minutes old at this point, is already easily the best match that I have seen thus far in this World Cup. Spain is up 2-0 (thanks to a header by Xabi Alonso in the 13th minute, followed by a spot kick from David Villa that deflected off one of the Ukranians in the wall), which makes me very happy (I love Spain's football team, though it is not one of the four teams I am passionate about: Bulgaria, Ireland, Japan, and the US, for the record), but what makes the match great is that both sides are playing fantastic, beautiful football. In fact, I just had to stop typing for a minute while Spain mounted two great assaults on the Ukrainian goal (both unfortunately unsuccessful).

Lots of precise passing, lots of skillful runs off the ball to get in position, and great ball control: that's what I am talking about when I say beautiful football. Oh yeah, and Andriy Shevchenko's presence on the field. Even though I am hoping that he remains shackled today (as he has been thus far, even being goaded into committing a foul of frustration after being dispossesed by a cool Spanish defender), the man is one of the greatest strikers in the game today, and has long been a favourite of mine, since his days with AC Milan.

Of course--speaking of great strikers who I have long idolised--Raul is noticably absent from the Spanish side of the pitch. I know that he has been less effective at Real Madrid than usual during the past two years, but he is still Spain's leading goalscorer, and I would like to see him get the chance to add a few more notches to his heavily-scarred belt during this campaign. With any luck, we'll see him subbed in towards the beginning of the second half.

I know that Spain historically disappoints in the World Cup, despite being pregnant with offensive menace and tight defensively, and I know that this year, they are lighter on the talent than ever, and Raul is not at his best. I know all of this, but seeing how Spain is dominating this match against a very worthy opponent indeed, I am reassured about their chances. The second round is a lock after the three points which they are almost sure to take home tonight. Mark my words (and you may call that the second of my predictions series)!

At minute 40, the Ukranian players are showing more than a little frustration. They'd better settle down, as the last thing they need at this point is a bunch of players who are inelegible for the next match due to a yellow card awarded here. One has already been given, to Andriy Rusol in the 17th minute, and Andriy Voronin deserved one just not, with a brutal challenge from the ground at the back of a Spanish attacker's legs.

Speaking of Voronin, he just tested Iker Casillas thoroughly, with a well-timed run into the area. Casillas was up to the challenge, coming off his line quickly to smother what could have been a real chance. Of course, he was called offside to boot, but the replay clearly showed that the call was mistaken. Shevchenko, on the other hand, was well offside a minute later, which makes his tally for the match about four, by my count.

Real chance for Spain again, with David Villa dribbling deep into the area, half a step ahead of his marker! But the Ukranian defender just got in the way enough to get a piece of David Villa's shot, allowing Oleksandr Shovkovskyi, the Ukraine keeper, to collect the ball safely.

The first half has just ended, so I'll post this as a Blogger draft.

Live blogging now!

Minute 48: David Villa now has a brace after a smartly taken penalty kick. Spain 3-0! The penalty seemed a bit frivolous, however, and Vladyslav Vashchuk certainly did not deserve to be sent off with a red card, but that is what he got.

Minute 51: Villa almost finished a hat trick, but his shot was turned away by Shovkovskyi, and the rebound finally collected without further damage.

Minute 52: Another yellow card for the Ukraine, this time shown to Vladimir Yezerskyi.

Minute 55: Raul is in for David Villa! What did I say earlier about chances of seeing Raul early in the second half? Who is prophetic, now? :) As happy as I am about seeing Raul, it is a shame that Villa had to go off without another shot at his hat trick (which would have put him at the top of the list for the Golden Shoe).

Minute 60: Raul tests Shovkovskyi from 25 metres, then Voronin misses left by centimetres on a quick counterattack.

Minute 65: Spain has a free kick from 30 metres, but it is weakly taken and deflects wide. Nothing doing from the resulting corner kick for Spain.

Minute 67: Raul puts a vicious header on goal, but Shovkovskyi is equal to it. Damn!

Minute 72: Spain is rushing a few passes, leading to a good buildup by the Ukraine, but Serhiy Rebrov launches the ball about 100 metres over the bar from five metres in front of the goal.

Minute 73: Great pass from Raul sets up Sergio Ramos deep in the area, just to the right of the goal, but he cannot finish.

Minute 75: Ukraine wins a corner, gets a shot from 18 metres, but Casillas is his usual awesome self and gathers the shot without breaking a sweat.

Minute 76: Shevchenko is lucky not to be shown a yellow card for a dangerous play, namely a face-level kick at the ball, which a Spanish player happened to be in the process of playing with his head.

Minute 78: Spain is still trying to force passes. Why? They are up 3-0, so they should be taking their time to build up, like they did early in the match. Come on, guys, I want to see Raul get a goal. Make it happen!

Minute 81: Fernando Torres gets a goal on a brilliant play that starts with Carlos Puyol taking the ball off a Ukrainian player, executing a sweet spin move to avoid two Ukrainian defenders, passing the ball off for a give-and-go, and then feeding Torres the assist. Spain 4-0!

Minute 86: Shevchenko squirts a weak shot at Casillas, who handles it, then sets up a quick counter by Spain, which finishes with Fernando Torres feeding the ball in just a step ahead of Raul, who cannot beat the keeper to it. Come on, F.T., put the ball in Raul's stride and we'll have a fifth goal!

Minute 88: Wasted corner for Spain. We want a Raul goal! We want a Raul goal! Say it with me! We want a Raul goal!

Minute 89: Voronin goes up for a high ball waaaay outside the area against Casillas (what are you doing, Iker?!), wins the ball, gets behind Casillas, and somehow fails to get off a shot before he is dispossessed by a defender. Ukraine wastes the corner kick, of course.

Minute 91: Shevchenko offside again!

Minute 92: Shevchenko finally beats the offside trap, makes three Spanish defenders look rather foolish, forgets to shot, and then finally has his late shot blocked by a defender who recovers.

The match is over, Spain wins 4-0! Hurrah!

With Spain taking full points from this match, they move to the top of a very weak Group H. I'll go out on a limb and say that as long as Spain does not self-destruct, they have a real chance at making the final four this time! And they are long overdue for a good run in the World Cup. Viva Espana!

Predictions, Part I

2006-06-14T19:06:00.000+09:00

I hate to go with the pack on this one, but I pick Brazil to win the Cup, despite their less than impressive performance against Croatia yesterday. I mean come on, with players like Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Roberto Carlos, Cafu, and Kaka (hee hee), how can they not be favoured?

My dark horse prediction may startle some of you, given the tough group they drew, but I pick Australia as the underdog that could actually take the World Cup trophy home with them when it is all said and done. The quality of Mark Viduka and Tim Cahill is evident, but Australia's biggest weapon is their coach, that nasty Dutchman that I love to hate, Guus Hiddink. The guy is brilliant, and he somehow wrings performances out of teams under his iron fist that are well above and beyond what the team should be capable of; to wit: Korea in the 2002 World Cup.

I have spoken. There may yet be egg on my face, but if my predictions hold any water at all, at least they will be recorded here for me to brag about later! :)

Amateur Hour (and a Half)

2006-06-14T18:24:00.000+09:00

In which I continue my ill-advised mouthing off about the 2006 World Cup, despite knowing next to nothing about The Beautiful Game.

After watching (South) Korea and Togo struggle through 90 minutes of football last night, I find myself a little less critical of Japan's performance against Australia. To put it mildly, both teams sucked. For the first 25 minutes of play, I don't think either side put together more than three passes in a row, and no-one could manage to hold onto the ball when challenged. I have not seen Togo before, so I did not know what to expect from them, but the Korean side was a far cry from the confident team that took the world by storm in 2002. True, they were in front of a home crowd then, but I think the real difference was Guus Hiddink's presence on the sidelines. I dislike the man (he seems arrogant to me, I dunno), but I think he is one of the greatest coaches in recent history.

The Koreans did not show exceptional pace, nor ball-handling skills, nor teamwork. And they took more dives than Jacques Cousteau. I hate few things in football more than a dive, and even more frustrating was the fact that the official left his yellow card in his pocket, even when he saw a dive and failed to award a foul to Korea. And one of the times he did produce the yellow card was to show it to Jean-Paul Abalo in the 53rd minute to punish Togo's captain for a "tackle" which the replay showed pretty clearly to have made no contact with the Korean player. Not that you would know that from the way the Korean theatrically launched himself pitchward, rolling around and clutching his ankle in "pain". This was Abalo's second yellow card, which to you non-football-savvy readers means that a red card was immediately shown, and Abalo was ejected from the match in the 53rd minute, leaving Togo with 10 men to face Korea's full complement of 11. If that is not adding insult to injury, I don't know what is.

Despite the sloppy demonstration, Togo did manage to feed a good long ball to forward Mohamed Kader, who outran his marker and then beat the keeper from 16 metres with a well-placed shot. This took place in the 31st minute, giving Togo a 1-0 lead that they managed to hang onto for the rest of the first half and nearly 10 minutes of the second, before conceding a free kick just outside their goal area in the 54th minute. Chun Soo Lee took the spot kick and curved the ball neatly up over the wall and just past the lunging keeper and into the back of the net to equalise. The spot kick was well-taken, but I am pretty sure that a real goalkeeper could have kept it out. At least the foul was legitimate, and not another lovely display of thesbian skill by the Koreans.

The goal that put Korea ahead, however, was an excellent shot, from none other that 2002 Korea-Japan hero Jung Hwan Ahn. It came in the 72nd minute, from a couple of metres outside of the area, and was struck with pace and precision, leaving Togo's keeper with little option other than to watch it into the goal.

Korea deserved the win, but the aggregate level of skill on display was on par with a kickabout in the park, not a World Cup match. Too bad Japan did not find themselves in Group G, where they would have steamrolled the bush-league competition offered by these two teams.

Speaking of which, in my previous entry, I hope I did not come across as dismissive of Australia's performance. Australia played extremely well, and certainly deserved the win. I was just frustrated that Japan, which actually played reasonably well for at least 80 minutes of the match, could not generate any real offence, despite having enough raw talent on their team to make a real impact in the tournament.

The World Cup is Over

2006-06-13T07:02:00.000+09:00

For Japan, anyway. And maybe the US as well.

Sometimes I don't know why I bother being a sports fan. It seems like all I get for my fervent support of my favoured teams is a broken heart, again and again. Last night was a case in point, as I saw Japan get all but eliminated from the World Cup by Australia, and then found that the US had been thoroughly out-classed by the Czech Republic.

I can't talk about the US match, since I did not get to see it (it aired at 01:00, a full hour after the Japan match ended, and I just could not stay awake that long), but I can give you my thoughts on Japan's miserable performance.

Let me start by saying that there was a whole lot of optimism here in Japan yesterday. And why not? Japan has a talented, young side, and they are not missing any key players due to injury. But I was slightly more skeptical than most fans, because I had yet to see Japan demonstrate that their biggest problem had been solved: the lack of any real coherence, especially in the attacking half. And that was what sunk Japan last night.

Australia came out of the gate looking strong, and put together attack after attack, with some skillful passing and great ball control. The first 15 minutes looked very bad indeed for Japan, as the Aussies had most of the ball and looked the more dangerous side. Japan, on the other hand, put together little mini-attacks where one player would dash towards the opponent's goal with the ball, do a bit of decent dribbling, and then pass off to someone else. The problem was that a third player never seemed to be in good position to receive a pass for a real threat on goal.

Japan's defence tightened up a bit, and Australia looked like they were slowing down a bit, so I could relax a bit when they touched the ball, now that the fear that they would score every time they got possession was alleviated somewhat.

In the 26th minute, Shunsuke Nakamura got a fluke goal when he crossed the ball into the area, and the Australian keeper got tangled up with four other players in the goal mouth (two Japanese, two Aussie) and knocked down, allowing Nakamura's cross to float into the back of the net. Sure, in the World Cup, a goal is a goal, and I was mighty happy to get this one, but at the same time, it was not proof positive that the Japanese could score quality goals against strong opposition. And neither was the rest of the first half. While Australia looked practically tame for the remainder of the half, Japan couldn't add a second goal. Same story: decent individual play from the strikers and midfielders in Australia's half, but no solid teamwork of the sort that is required to score goals at the highest level of competitive football.

The second half showed Australia re-committed to the task of scoring goals, and Kawaguchi, the Japanese goalkeeper, was tested time and time again. And was he ever equal to the task! He is credited with six saves in the official statistics, but it seemed like more than that watching the match. Twice, it seemed like Australia was certain to score, but Kawaguchi stretched himself full-length and somehow got a hand to the ball to push it wide of the goal. That should have been great news for Japan; usually when the keeper makes a great save, it energises the team. But Japan still could not put anything together in the attacking half. Other than one screaming shot by Takahara which the Australian goalkeeper was equal to, Japan did not generate any convincing threats on goal.

And that was the writing on the wall, because when one team is threatening constantly, and the other is not, it is just a matter of time before the more dangerous side gets a goal. And when Tim Cahill, Australia's most potent striker, entered the game as a substitute in the 69th minute, the time was nigh. It took Cahill about ten minutes to really warm up, but his presence put even more stress on the overworked Japanese defence, which had barely held against Mark Viduka's excellent play at the front throughout the match. Australia's first goal came in the 84th minute, when Kawaguchi made his second full-length stretching save and a Japanese defender cleared the ball out over the sideline. Australia made a long throw just to the left of the goal, and maybe two metres into the area. This was when Kawaguchi made his one mistake of the match, charging out to intercept the throw, but not getting enough of a fist on the ball to clear it from the area. The ball squirted sideways, and looked for a split second to be shielded by a fallen Japanese defender, before Cahill stepped around him and calmly put the ball in the back of the net.

And if only that were the end of the scoring! I was pissed off enough at being robbed of three points, and having to settle for one point from the draw, but my mood became blacker and blacker in the next five minutes, as Japan continued to disappoint on the attack while Australia seemed to get stronger and stronger. At some point during those five minutes, I realised that Australia was almost certainly going to get another goal. I just hoped that Kawaguchi could find some way to keep denying the go-ahead score. And maybe he could have, if his defenders hadn't completely forgotten how to play.

In the 89th minute, Cahill was left unmarked at the top of the goal area, and he made no mistake from 20 metres to seal the deal for Australia. I pretty much knew that the game was over then, as Japan was incapable of scoring, so John Aloisi's goal in the second minute of stoppage time was just adding insult to injury. And it was a pretty insulting goal, so badly did he beat a Japanese defender at the top of the area before slotting it home confidently from 10 metres or so. Luckily for Japan, that was all the scoring Australia had time for, with the final whistle putting a merciful end to the bloodbath.

Cahill was named Man of the Match, and rightly so. I had to tip my hat to Guus Hiddink, Australia's coach, for deciding to rest Cahill for most of the match, then substitute him in late in the match. Had it not been for his fresh legs, Japan may have been able to hold on for the win, in which case Kawaguchi would have certainly deserved the Man of the Match honours.

The reason that this loss pretty much spells the end of Japan's World Cup campaign is the makeup of the rest of their group: Brazil and Croatia. For Japan to even have a chance of going through to the next round, they will need to beat one of the two and at least draw with the other. Which is not going to happen, because you are not going to hold Brazil to less than two goals, I don't think, and Japan is certainly not going to generate more than one goal a game. At least, not unless they take their defeat at the hands of Australia as a wake-up call and really gel as a team up front, which is very unlikely at this late hour.

I think some of the fault has to lie with Zico, the Brazilian who is coaching Japan, for not building a real attack. Then again, maybe the fault lies more with the people responsible for hiring Zico, as Brazilians are sort of known for great individual skill at the front yielding goals, instead of a dynamic team effort. And sorry to say it, but Japan does not have a Pele, or a Ronaldo, or a Ronaldinho, who can just create goals out of thin air.

As for the US, well, like I said, I did not see the match, so I have no real thoughts on what the US team needs to do to avoid being spectators in the next round, but I will say that they have their work cut out for them. They absolutely must beat Ghana, and then they need some sort of result against Italy, preferably a win.

Ugh. I should just move to Brazil or something, and learn to love the New York Yankees of football. At least I would not be disappointed every World Cup when my teams let me down. At least the US and Japan qualified, unlike Bulgaria and Ireland, my two other favourite teams.

Reading is FUNdamental

2006-06-04T14:12:00.000+09:00

Of late, I have been oft availing myself of the privileges granted me by my Yokohama City Library card, to wit: borrowing of books.

The Central Library's English fiction collection takes up a whole two shelves, and much of the books on these shelves are what Lyani called "airport books". "You know," she said, "there is 'elevator music' and there are 'airport books': the sort of crap novels that you buy only out of sheer desparation in the airport." Surprisingly to me, over half of the books seem to also be by Canadian authors. Not that I have anything against Canadian authors, I just do not know many of them.

In any case, allow me to share with you three books that really impressed me, in ascending order of excellence:

"Shoeless Joe", by W.P. Kinsella. If you like baseball, you will love this book. The movie "Field of Dreams" is based on it, but the book is better by far (and I actually like the movie quite a bit--say what you will about Kevin Costner, he is pretty decent in baseball movies). There is something magical about baseball, and Kinsella weaves this magic effortlessly into a story that is somehow greater than the sum of its parts: namely Iowa, love, corn farming, the infamous Chicago "Black Sox", and reclusive American author J.D. Salinger. Oh yeah, and if you have never heard of Tinkers to Evers to Chance, this book will rectify that sad state of affairs.

Speaking of baseball, I am watching an interleague game between the Chunichi Dragons and the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles. It is 5-1 Chunichi going into the top of the fifth, after a fiesty two-out rally in the bottom of the forth by Rakuten. Jose Fernandez stroked a solo homer, then the next batter executed a perfect bunt down the third baseline and ran it out for a single. This was followed by a two-out seeing-eye single to put men on the corners, setting the stage for the catcher. Tragically, he hits like a catcher, and managed to got down swinging on four pitches. Well, that's baseball, as they say.

Getting back to the printed word, be sure to read Gil Courtemanche's "A Sunday at the Pool in Kigali" (speaking of Canadian authors). I am pretty sure that it was an inspiration for "Hotel Rwanda", though it tells the story from a different perspective than the movie. It is a strangely uplifting tale, given its setting (AIDS-ravaged Rwanda) and plot (genocide most foul). Which is not to say that it is not incredibly sad--it certainly is--but it shows how the human spirit can somehow survive even in the worst conditions. In case you were wondering, this book is a fictionalised account of a real historical tragedy. Just be warned that this book is not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach: the subject matter is quite explicit, and the author presents it realistically.

And finally, my favourite out of all the books I have recently read, Audrey Niffenegger's "The Time Traveler's Wife". I cannot recommend this book highly enough. It is the story of a man who is "chronologically challenged"--he literally cannot remain in the present when he experiences strong emotions--and the woman who loves him. The premise seems rather unbelievable, and perhaps lifted from Vonnegut's caustic "Slaughterhouse-Five", but it turns out to be neither, and extremely imaginative to boot. If someone were to ask me to explain what "literary fiction" is, I would refer them directly to this novel. It is not a quasi-story wrapped in pretentious prose; it is a wonderful story told by a master of the English language, each perfectly-chosen word building towards a flawless sentence. It is a joy to read as much for the language as for the story itself, and that is saying a lot, for the bittersweet tale of love in the face of great difficulty alone makes the book almost impossible to close, even for the five minutes it takes to walk from the Keihin Tohoku Line platform to the Keiyo Line platform.

Premature Nostalgia

2006-06-04T12:38:00.000+09:00

The weather forecast says, "16...22 C, partly cloudy", but that is really no way to describe a day like today. Today is a glorious spring day, the sort of day every Sunday should turn out to be.

Lyani and I went out for breakfast, to a pancake restaurant that was rumoured to exist somewhere in the vicinity of Motomachi. We tried unsuccessfully last weekend to find it, but operating on the instructions we were given ("between Kannai and Ishikawa-cho stations, near Isezaki") proved futile. This morning, however, just as we were giving up hope of finding the place, it came into view contemporaneously with the sole landmark contained in our new directions. Angels sang a heavenly chorus, etc.

We rolled in, had a huge American-style breakfast, and had to be rolled out of the restaurant afterwards. Then it was time for a jaunt around the corner to drop Lyani off at one of the myriad entrances to Motomachi-Chukagai Station (on the Minato Mirai Line). She had to go into Tokyo to help a friend pick out a wedding dress.

I, on the other hand, had no plans whatsoever, so I decided to stroll down Motomachi on my way home. I stopped in the Starbucks at the top of Motomachi to procure a cup of honjitsu no kouhii (short size), and then made my way leisurely down the crowded shopping street, smiling at the antics of children and pets as they frolicked in the sunlight.

I'm sure going to miss living here. Moving from downtown Yokohama to the outer suburbs of Tokyo is going to be quite a change.

Moving on... up?

2006-06-02T08:42:00.000+09:00

Well, at least we are headed for the East Side, anyway. Of Tokyo, that is.

If you have read any of the sporadic effusions of foppery most vile that pass for entries in this here blog, you will know that I have a certain propensity for bitching and moaning about my commute. Poor me, etc. So it will come as no surprise that I live a life of intense longing for that elusive apartment closer to my work.

Luckily for my sanity, the aforementioned apartment was really not as elusive as I had feared. Lyani and I went up to Shinjuku a month or so back, had a nice chat with a man about a dog (and by this I mean, a real-estate agent about an apartment), and decided on a place that very same day. It is a tiny little shoebox of an apartment, but the location is terrific: a ten minute walk from Maihama Station on the Keiyo Line. Maihama Station is important for two reasons, namely that it happens to be right next to Tokyo Disneyland, and that it is two stops from Ichikawa Shiohama Station, which is noted only for its proximity to the Amazon Japan FC, which contains, amongst other exiting things, my very own cubicle.

Next weekend is the big date for the move, so you may reasonably assume that after that, I will never complain again about anything, and will go through my life as the most positive person ever to draw breath, letting the aggregate idiocy of humanity roll off my back like so many water droplets (off a duck's back, natch). All right, enough snickering from the peanut gallery! I am sure I'll find something to complain about, just not the commute, or the attendant issues such as the behaviour of my fellow commuters in Tokyo Station.

Moving on to issues of more meteorological import, the weather has finally become nice: sun, temperatures in the low 20s. Which means we have like a week of spring to look forward to before the rainy season begins. After three weeks of solid rain, we will be unceremoniously dumped, kicking and screaming, into the Japanese summer, which is something like living in a pressure cooker for several months. But for now, the spring weather is pleasant, and has allowed me to take advantage of the dress code at work. Or rather, the lack of a dress code at work. Heh heh, Japan is not ready for the gleam of the sun striking my magnificently white legs, bare from the knee down, thanks to my shorts. Yeah, that's right, my fellow office workers! I'm chilling at my desk in shorts and a tee shirt, which you are all sweating in your suits or looking like tools in your Dockers.

And I'm out.

Hot Melons

2006-05-22T06:03:00.000+09:00

"Peter, I'm holding melons!"

I was taking the trash out last night, when I ran into one of our neighbours, another gaijin from Lyani's school. He mentioned that he had just bought a delicious melon, and I asked him where he had gotten it. And then the conversation got a little odd. Allow me to reproduce it:

Me: "Yeah? So where did you buy the melon?"
Him: "Haven't you ever seen those guys selling melons out of the back of a truck near the station?"
Me: "No, not really."
Him: "Well, anyway, there are some guys who sell melons out of the back of a truck near the station."
Me: "So you bought a melon from such a truck?"
Him: "Yeah, and it was pretty tasty, too."
Me: "Huh. Maybe I'll have to keep my eye open for melon peddlars hereabouts."

And I figured that would be the end of the conversation, but he continued:

Him: "So I asked this guy if he was a farmer or something, trying to cut out the middleman."
Me: "Oh, like a farmer's market sort of thing?"
Him: "Yeah. But it turned out that the melons were illegal."
Me: "Oh, do they have strict food safety laws or something, and this guy was avoiding them?"
Him: "Well, that's what I thought. So I asked him if he was a farmer..."
Me: "Yeah?"
Him: "And he looked at me, and said, 'No, I stole these in the middle of the night!'"
Me: "Holy shit! He actually told you that?"
Him: "Yeah! So those are hot melons!"
Me: "Heh."
Him: "And then he told me that it was dangerous, stealing melons, so I should not try it."
Me: "This was all in Japanese?"
Him: "Yeah. Pretty crazy, huh?"
Me: "Well, in this neighbourhood, nothing really surprises me anymore."
Him: "Like I would know how to go about stealing melons anyway!"

The truth is stranger than fiction, folks.

Harry Potter Does Japan

2006-05-13T22:47:00.000+09:00

For the sixth time, no less. But Dave did it first.

"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" goes on sale in Japan this Wednesday, May 17. Or at least the Japanese translation thereof, which in Japan is a much bigger deal than the release of the English version, for the obvious reason that the vast majority of the residents of Japan prefer to read in Japanese. Since I work for Japan's largest bookstore, you might imagine that the release of a massively popular title such as the latest "Harry Potter" installment would not escape my notice. And you would be right, so give yourself a congratulatory pat on the back.

Fortunately for you, the interested reader of a blog that has not, to produce a monumental understatement, been updated much as of late, neither did the release of HP6 (as we in the Industry call it) escape the roving eye of those intrepid chaps known as the Japanese media. 'Course, that may have had something to do with the press junket implemented for them by my employer.

So, without further ado, I present to you a tale of wacky Japanesity, the Amazon Way.

Amazon being Amazon, we managed to work out a deal with the Japanese publisher of HP6 wherein we get to start shipping books before brick-and-mortar bookstores, to customers who had pre-ordered it. And since this deal went down in Japan, we got the president of the publisher, the Japanese woman who had translated HP6 into Japanese, to come to our Fulfillment Center out in Chiba, dress herself as a witch, and pack the first book order to be shipped. This is portrayed in the picture to the left, which is presumably the copyright of Mainichi Daily News, since it appears in an article of theirs. Clicky clicky upon the picky to be spirited away to the article in question.

Oh yeah, and in addition to the translator / publishing executive donning the blue robes of the Magi, we also had wizard hats for our employees (pictured at right, photo copyright of Yahoo! Japan News, original here). No, I did not have to wear one, since I do not work on the warehouse floor. Yes, I am sad that I missed out on the fun.

But I did not miss out entirely, for the day before the press event, as my partners in crime in the IT Department and I were heading out to lunch, we happened upon a little group activity that was about to start. All of the managers that work in the FC were assembled out front, and gloves and plastic bags were being handed around. More astute readers may have already put two and two together and correctly ascertained that some garbage pickup was a'brewin'. Being Japanese (well, I am not Japanese, but I am pretty much expected to behave like I am since I have been here for longer than three months), not joining in would have been completely out of the question, so we announced our burning desire to pick up refuse with our comrades in arms. At which time we were handed gloves and so on, and then the assembled mass of 25 or so people was split up into teams A, B, and C. Zones of influence were established, marching orders were given, and we set out at a brisk pace to do our duty for God and Country, or Queen and Country, or what have you.

An hour later, having picked up all the trash not only on the FC grounds, but also the sidewalks bordering said grounds, and the sidewalks across the street from said grounds, we moved our small mountain of garbage bags to the dumpsters. Except, of course, for five or so token bags that were carefully arranged in front of the FC. Some of you may wonder at this, but others of you who have actually had the honour of participating in a Japanese activity probably know what is coming.

Yes, all the trash-pickers gathered behind the carefully posed trash bags for a group photo.

Only in Japan, ladies and gents.

Lest you get the wrong idea about all of this, I actually enjoyed the whole thing. As one of my co-workers exclaimed as we were washing our hands thoroughly in preparation for another attempt at going to lunch, "garbage pickup can be fun, every once in a while".

I just thought you might enjoy a peek at the insanity that is life in Japan.

Consequences

2006-04-20T12:31:00.000+09:00

In other news, I just finished watching the last episode of Season Five of "The Shield", and all I have to say is "oh my" (apologies to Joe and Lt. Sulu).

OK, that is not all I have to say, but you probably knew that, since you know me and my propensity to ramble.

"The Shield" is a cop drama, kinda. What it is really about is people, and how they usually get what's coming to them. If ever there was a cautionary tale against corruption, this is it.

I have compared "The Shield" to "The Wire" before, and my final analysis bears repeating: "The Wire" offers a way forward against corruption and evil and misery, while the "The Shield" just shows the consequences. That makes "The Wire" the more worthwhile show in my opinion.

Which is not to say that you should not also watch "The Shield". If you like good acting and good storytelling, and you can handle an explicit look at the damage that dirty cops do to everyone around them, "The Shield" is for you.

I think it is great television, and I hope that rumours that the next season will be the last are correct. "What!?" you may be asking, "You want a show that you have enjoyed to end?"

(Aside: yet another tiny earthquake is currently happening. And don't worry, I am not sitting under anything heavy that can fall on me.)

Indeed. Fictional television shows exist for the same reason as other sorts of fiction: to tell a story. Or tell stories, whatever.

One of the reviews of "The Wire" on IMDb calls it the closest thing to a novel one will find on the silver screen (that is television, right? not the movies?), and I think that is a wonderful bit of insight. "The Wire", in all three seasons thus far, has told a single story. So has "The Shield", with a few more twists and turns. Both shows are successful for their dedication to the story, and they both succeed in holding onto that in the face of the pressure of delivering it in episodic chunks.

The thing is, "The Shield" can only have a sad ending, and the action is certainly coming to a close. The story has almost been told, and I am looking forward to the end. I wish shows would be pitched as a three-season story, or a five-season one, whatever. Without knowing the end of your story, you end up writing yourself into a corner, based on the actions of your characters. This is actually one sign of good writing, since the characters are natural and fleshed out enough to act on their own. The problem occurs when a convenient "happy ending" is forced on the story, leaving the viewer shaking her head in disbelief. Many shows have gone this route.

The trick is to get out before you jump the shark. And the way to do that, in my humble, not-writing-for-television opinion opinion, is to write the story completely before you pitch the show. That does not prevent you from making changes as you go, if those changes improve the story. But you have to know where it is going.

Buffer Underrun

2006-04-20T11:48:00.000+09:00

After promising to slice up my backlog into bite-sized bits so as to avoid the oh-so-Josh-Glover long run-on entry, I have delivered. Absolutely nothing, that is, which is another Josh Glover classic.

I guess one of the joys of the blog is that you get to write on your clock; no pressure, no deadlines. And in the beginning, that is liberating and fun. You just slap down some narration about whatever is going on in your life and the world around you. But after awhile, maybe you start to feel like you have gotten your point of view out there, told your stories, and now it is hard to find things to write about. So it starts becoming more like work; you have to write about this, that, and the other, and it has to be up by tomorrow. After all, you have a responsibility to the people that read your blog, right?

Oops, now you are back to deadlines and responsibility.

I am a creative person, and have been able to write some pretty good stuff from time to time. But I'll be the first to tell you, writing is hard work. It is worth it when the muse hits, when your pen or keyboard can barely keep up with the fountain of prose rising from your mind, each drop sparkling majestically in the sunlight before falling perfectly on the page. It is worth it when you have written and re-written, and finally have a piece you are proud of.

But that is by and large not what blogging is about. Blogging is about sharing your work in a rawer state. And it is less rewarding to the reader, since sentences are not polished, the train of thought is not necessarily advanced.

But what blogging lets you do, in theory, is experience most of the joy of writing without the hard work. Professional writers will be the first to tell you that waiting for the muse to strike is not a way forward. You have heard the saying that everyone has one novel in them? Well, in less that one novel is "The Da Vince Code", which has sold just under a bajillion copies, one novel does not a living make. Just ask Stephen King, one of the most commercially successful writers out there. Writing is hard work, and the way to attract the muse to to keep at it. I will be the first to admit that the muse is more likely to strike in the midst of composition than out there in the wide world. It is also said that writers are always writing, and there is some truth in that as well. If you are a creative person and a storyteller, ideas for stories can explode into your brain suddenly, with just a glimpse of something or someone. But that is just the beginning, and it is not writing. Inspiration happens more often than the muse comes to call.

I think that is not just true of writing, but of most things in life. The lucky, the successful, are quite often the ones who are just willing to work harder than the rest of us. Sure, Einstein and Newton and Edison were all geniuses. But they were also men on a mission. Edison famously said that "genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration", and it is widely known that it took Edison many failed tries before achieving a success. But that should be inspiring to all of us! The message is that perserverance, mated with an inquisitive and agile mind, yeilds results.

And I have seen that in my life. I have been able to accomplish some pretty worthwhile things when I kept at it, and did not settle for sloppy solutions that just worked.

Same deal with writing. I can occasionally turn out a first draft that works with minimal effort, just riding some inspiration. But to turn that into something that I can be proud of, that requires some real dedication, and the willingness to fail 99 times before I get it right.

Unfortunately for my love of writing, I love programming even more, and that is where any creative talent that I have must be spent. So my blog is a way of getting what I like out of writing without having to put in the effort required to get what I love out of writing. And it can be fun to read, both for my family and friends, and for myself. And maybe sometimes for Netizens that don't know me at all, when I have a wacky Japan story to tell.

I guess the point of this entry is to admit that I don't have the motivation it takes to deliver stellar writing. And I do not enjoy blogging when I place pressure on myself to do it. So I have to accept that I will write when I have something to say, and I won't worry about it when I don't. Sounds fair to me.

So no more promises of entries to come that I cannot keep without sacrificing quality or my free time. Blogging is supposed to be a release, not just another way to make yourself feel guilty about your laziness.

The Backlog Begins

2006-04-14T18:48:00.000+09:00

I have not written much as of late, and what I have written felt a bit forced to me. The downside of this is that my darling readers (may I call you darling?) have not had much to read. The upside is that my mind has not been entirely idle during the period that my blog has been, and I have somewhat of a backlog.

Rather than spew forth all of my thoughts, in true Josh Glover style, in one massive blentry, I have decided to split them up for easier digestion. So read on, if you dare.

War, What is it Good For?

2006-04-11T06:01:00.000+09:00

Absolutely nothing! (Good God, y'all.)

Thanks to Ryan for sending me a link to Seymour M. Hersh's excellent piece on the current situation with Iran vis-a-vis enrichment of uranium.

I really think it is vital that the US gives the diplomats time, and is willing to sit down with Iran and discuss this issue. We certainly don't need another war in the Middle East.

A Name for a Girl

2006-04-02T09:54:00.000+09:00

Lyani and I went out to supper with some friends last Friday night, to Denny's, of all places (no, Denny's in Japan has nothing in common with the US Denny's other than the name and the fact that it is open 24 hours a day). The reason that we chose Denny's is because they have parking, and our friends have a car. Which is pretty amazing to me, since most people who live in the Tokyo area do not have a car, and me being one of the car-less, I never consider things like parking anymore. Which is a good thing, since I remember how much finding parking in a city sucks.

But anyway.

These friends are a co-worker of mine and his wife (I have decided that I am not going to use the names of my friends in the blog unless they specifically say it is OK, just to protect everyone's privacy and so on). Which is important to the story for two reasons, the first of which I shall now reveal: since Lyani and I live in Yokohama, and these friends live out in Chiba, close to work, we decided to eat in Shinbashi, which is roughly halfway between our respective abodes. So my co-worker and I drove (and by this I mean, he drove his car and I sat in the passenger seat, admiring the scenery) from work to Shinbashi Station, where we met our wives.

So we found a Denny's, using my co-worker's fancy GPS navigation system (I want one so badly! And yes, I know that they have GPS software on mobile phones these days, but that would require me to purchase a new phone, and I cannot bring myself to do that), ordered some tasty food, and started chatting.

So the second reason that it is important to know that these friends are married to each other is that she is pregnant with their first child. So they have been thinking of baby names--both girl and boy names, since they do not know which it will be yet. So, as it turns out, have Lyani and I. Not because she is pregnant or planning to be anytime soon, but because that is the sort of thing that married people who do want to have children some day tend to discuss occasionally.

So Lyani and I mentioned that we have a good name for a girl, but have not decided on one for a boy yet. And our friends were in the same boat; they had a name they really liked for a girl, but had not hit on a great boy's name yet.

So the four of us are all excited (because having kids is a pretty exciting thing for young couples), and Lyani shares our name with them. At which point jaws drop and incredulous expressions are assumed on the other side of the table.

"No way!" exclaims my co-worker, "I must have told you that, right? And you are just joking?"

"No, why?" I reply.

And of course they had picked the same girl's name. Which is pretty incredible, since the four of us are all from completely different cultural backgrounds and native languages (America, Bulgaria, Japan, Argentina; English, Bulgarian, Japanese, Spanish). And this name is not wildly popular, either. It is not like we all settled on Maria, or something.

"So what is the name?" you might ask. To which I might reply, "Fat chance! You will not steal our perfect name for yourself!"

So now we have a dilemna. Luckily, our friends favour a slightly different spelling of the name, so it might be OK for both of us to use it. Or they might have a boy, in which case my co-worker and I will not have to resolve this dispute by fighting to the death, which is quite fortunate for me, since I would not be winning that fight, and then Lyani would have to mourn me for an acceptable period before finding someone else to father her children, which I would not like at all, no sir, even though I would be dead. I would have to re-enact the movie "Ghost", which might prove difficult, since I have never seen it. But I am pretty sure it involves a scenario not unlike the one which I have gone to great lengths to describe. Namely me being killed but still not liking the idea of my wife moving on.

Can you keep a secret?

Tips for Commuters

2006-03-30T06:41:00.000+09:00

1. If you are carrying a Louis Vuitton bag, like every other woman in Japan, I will not be removing my tired ass from my seat so that you can sit down. Sorry. This is one man's stand against rampant lemming-like behaviour. Listen: Louis Vuitton bags are ugly, and they are expensive. This does not make them très trendé, this makes them très stupide. D'accord?

2. In a similar vein, if you are a high school baseball player, and you have a Louis Vuitton wallet... for shite's sake! What are you thinking? Not only are you an idiot for blindly following a crappy fashion trend, but you are a man, remember! Men are not supposed to give a damn about this sort of thing!

I have a Calvin Klein wallet, but you want to know why? Because it is high quality, and it looks nice. And I got it for $12 on sale. So paying for nice stuff is not a crime in my book, but paying for stuff that looks crappy just because it is a famous brand is pretty stupid.

3. I realise that the train can throw you around a bit from time to time, but if you step on my foot, you'd bloody well better apologise. I know it was an accident, but that does not change the fact that my foot is broken. Ass.

And on this angry note, I'm out. See you tomorrow for the promised "A Name for a Girl" entry, which should be less ranting and more interesting storytelling. Or whatev'...

Train Safety

2006-03-29T08:33:00.000+09:00

Yesterday, I was standing on the Tokaido Line train, riding into work. To while the time away, I was using my nifty new Signeo SN-M700 media player (or iPod, as the kids are calling them these days) to listen to one of the early episodes of Alpha Rant, a podcast done by the authors of Alpha Shade, a webcomic that I regularly read (and I think I have mentioned here before). The podcast is done by two brothers, who are funny guys to start with, but what makes it really worth listening to is their witty back-and-forth; they have been talking to each other for all their lives (20-odd years, given that one of them is in his early 30s and the other in his late 20s).

So anyway, in the middle of the episode I was listening to, one of the brothers gets a phone call. The other one, instead of pausing the recording, decides to do a faux-dramatic, documentary-style commentary on the one side of the phone call that we can hear in the background. And what we can hear is the guy on the phone getting increasingly irritated. So when he comes back to the mic, he explains that it was one of his friends on the phone, telling him about some train wreck that just happened.

And why would his friend do that? Because the older brother (the one who got the phone call) is a locomotive engineer. As in he drives trains for a living. So he goes into this long spiel on how people are always doing stupid things like stopping on the train tracks, or driving up the tracks in a snow storm, or what have you. He advances the theory that you have to try really hard to get hit by a train, because they--wait for it--run on tracks, and thus go in a straight line. And oh yeah, you can see exactly where they will be going, because you can see the tracks. And so on.

And then he mentions that he actually had to pull an emergency stop just the other day (well, it would have been just the other day as of September, 2003, since it was an old episode of the podcast I was listening to) because of some idiot who stopped his car on the tracks because traffic was backed up. So here is Chris (the older brother is named Chris, and I reveal this because it is getting unwieldy to write about two guys without using their names), cruising into town at 50-plus miles per hour in a 15,000 ton train, and he sees some moron stopped on the tracks about a mile ahead of him. So he slams the controls to full stop, and any physics major can compute how long it took him to stop. Let's just say that a mile was insufficient. Luckily, the emergency stop gave the aforementioned cretin time to figure out a way to get the hell off the tracks, and no-one died.

Chris winds down his rant, and about a minute later I find myself airborne. You know why they always told you to sit down on schoolbuses and the like? Well, it turns out that if the vehicle on which you are being conveyed needs to make a sudden stop, thanks to Newton's laws of motion, you want to continue along at the same velocity as the vehicle was going. And if you are not "attached" to the vehicle in some way, such as having a seat back in front of you against which to brace yourself, or a handhold to cling to as if your very life depended upon it, the result of this desire to remain in motion can result in you flying through the air.

And this is what had happened to me. Commuter trains are not necessarily known for a smooth ride (contrast this with the Shinkansen experience, which feels like the train is floating gently on a cushion of air above tracks made of the finest silk), so you tend to get thrown around a little from time to time if you have not managed to secure one of the 50 various hand-holds per car (which sounds a little irresponsible unless you know that the car is designed to transport 50 people in relative safety, but more than 100 people are crammed into it, so your choices can be limited). So in the first several milliseconds of my flight, I thought that it was just a standard jolt that had caught me off guard, until I realised that everyone else who was standing in my general vicinity was also in mid-air. When I finally caught my balance, I had been shifted about three metres toward the front of the train, and I became faintly aware, through my Sony noise-cancelling headphones, of a voice announcing in Japanese that the emergency brake had been applied.

"Oh great," I thought, "another suicide. I'm going to be quite late for work."

For trains, you see, are probably the most common way to commit suicide in Japan. I guess this is because it is pretty easy to do--you just step of the front of the platform into the path of a train, and the many tons (I am not sure how much commuter trains weigh under a full load; I am sure it is less than Chris's 15,000 ton train, which he said was loaded with rock at the time, but it still has to be 1000 tons or so, I would imagine) of fast-moving metal will take care of the rest.

Strangely, one of the reasons cited for the popularity of trains as a suicide method is that it is easier on the family of the victim. Not sure why this is true, since whenever a suicide happens, holding up many thousands of commuters for several hours, the company that owns the rail line gets sued for many many yen, and then turns around and sues the victim's family (hmm, is "victim" the right word to use when talking about suicide? anyway, by "victim", I mean the dude or dudette that shuffles off the mortal coil or whatever).

Oh yeah, and this is bizarre and slighly amusing, if in a twisted sort of way: some of the suicidal chaps have taken to wearing brightly coloured masks over their faces when they jump, so as to spare the engineers from having their nightmares haunted by the face of a soon-to-be-dead person, courtesy of the split-second glimpse they might catch before the train brings sweet release.

Sorry, I don't know what came over me there... ;)

Anyway, in this case, it must not have been a suicide that induced the train to stop, because it started up again in a matter of minutes, and I was not too late to catch my next train, and I got to work on time, and so on. So hurrah for that.

And remember, kids, buckle up for safety!

So Exclusive

2006-03-28T06:20:00.000+09:00

Yeah, I know I have not been the paragon of frequent updates recently. And when I did write stuff, it was pretty lame.

But like I learned from Wil Wheaton, when you are interested, you will be interesting. And I now submit that the converse also holds true: that when you are not interested, you have no chance of being interesting. And recently, I have not been. Interested, that is.

It is not that I don't enjoy my life. I do. It is just that I have a pretty grueling routine, and it seems to drain the creativity right out of me. As recently as a month ago, the simple act of taking a train home got me excited about two images (the swirling galaxy / starfield illusion, and lighted pods of people seemingly flying through space) and gave me the inspiration for a short story. Which of course I did not write, being a lazy bastard.

But now, it just all seems so routine. I wake up no later than 06:00, get on a train, ride it for an hour and a half into work, stay there for nine hours, then take a train home for another hour and a half. Chat with the wife for a few minutes while we prepare supper (and by we, I mean she, since I am a lazy bastard). We watch a movie or some "Family Guy" with supper, then I take a shower and go to bed. Or I don't take a shower and go to bed, and then wake up at 05:30 the next morning, take a shower, and take a train... and so on.

There are plenty of things during my day that are interesting, enjoyable, etc. But it seems that the routine that scaffolds it all just drains me.

And that, dear reader, is why I have forsaken you.

But the fact that I am writing this entry should reassure you in some way that I remain committed to writing in this blog. Because I think it does me no small amount of good to write on a (semi-) regular basis, if for no other reason than to keep my English from atrophying here in the Land of the Rising Percentage of English Loan Words Being Used in a Way that Bears Little Resemblance to How They are Used in English.

So I have a few things to write about, queued up, and I shall hereby commit to writing a short entry per day for the next two days. Topics shall be as follows: "Train Safety", and "It's a Name for a Girl" (Bates, you should get that reference!).

If you want to see me write more shorts, one thing you can do is email me or leave a comment on this entry with a question or topic. Anything you want to know about Japan, illustrated! (Though I might have to email Matthew for research purposes.)

And I'm out.

Analyse this Technique / Tech Process

2006-03-23T10:36:00.000+09:00

Having not written much here as of late (business ensued, vacation intervened, etc.), I feel ashamed.

Things have occurred that are of sufficient import to warrant their own blentries, and I may get around to writing them (or not--who can tell, knowing me): Ian and Briana came to visit, we went to Kyoto, were nearly eaten by a giant crow, etc.; the weather sucks; the plum trees are in bloom but the sakura are taking their sweet time; Japan won the World Baseball Classic (hurrah! and that just goes to show that Democracy beats Commie Pinko Reds every time, Fidel Castro!); Lyani and I have watched two of the big Oscar pictures: "Good Night, and Good Luck" (Lyani's pick for Best Picture so far), "Brokeback Mountain" (my pick so far).

Oh yeah, but the point of this entry is that I have been reading my email, and I decided that I am highly amused by the language in emails that we send to vendors, requesting a price quote. So let me present a tremendously literal translation of one of them (details of the request have been altered, both so I don't get in trouble for revealing proprietary information that could be used to bring down the company, and so that it is funnier) for your reading pleasure.

To Lord Suzuki of the Japan Mouse Wheel Company, K.K.,

This is Fujiyoshi from Amazon Japan. We humbly accept your assistance.

I am filled with guilt to trouble you in such a busy time for your honoured self, but would it be possible for us to receive the great honour of a quote on the following two items?

Part no. X7180A, mouse wheel, grey (10)
Part no. V963, mouse wheel ball bearing (20)

This is terribly troubling, but we humbly request this favour.

"OK, so you are polite to vendors. So what?" you might be thinking. Well, let me assure you that the above pales in comparison to some of the polite language in intra-office emails. Contrast this, as Dave Barry did, with American companies, where it is common to greet your co-worker thusly: "Bob, you hairy sonofabitch! How's that ugly wife of yours?"

And to continue the great tradition of exiting with a poignant song lyric, how's about:

Purple haze, and I don't know why. 'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Smile Like You Mean It

2006-03-10T08:39:00.000+09:00

Best band I'd never heard of until two months ago? The Killers. And Holy Crap, but are they ever good! If you like rock music that is good and does not suck, you owe it to yourself to buy their debut album, "Hot Fuss". Better yet, since Amazon ruleth most righteously, you can listen to sample clips of every song on the album before choosing to buy. If you need to make up your mind, I recommend starting with track 2, "Mr. Brightside", and listening to each clip all the through track 7, "On Top". If that does not convince you that you must own "Hot Fuss", there is most likely something wrong with you.

I almost called this entry "All These Things that I've Done", but then I realised that I have actually only done one thing thus far. The other things are in the pipeline, and I will tell you about them when they are actually Things that I've Done and not just Things that I Would Like to Do but We'll See.

The Thing that I've Done is as follows: there is this groovy Firefox extension called rikaichan, which does inline lookups to Jim Breen's EDICT Japanese dictionary when you simply hover your mouse pointer over a word. Since a picture is worth 1,000 yen words, clicky clicky on the screenshot pictured at left, which shows me using rikaichan on Amazon.co.jp's page for NATSUME Souseki's Kokoro (夏目漱石著こころ).

So that is what rikaichan could always do. What I did is made the extension also work in Thunderbird, the Mozilla email client. This was mainly to scratch an itch of my own: reading email in Japanese every day. When I got it working, I sent a patch to the author, and he included my work in his next release (0.5.8 for those of you who are keeping score). Clicky clicky on the screenshot to the right to see rikaichan working in Thunderbird.

Finally, I just got assigned to lead a fairly big, important project at work. One that Must Be Complete by May 31. The good news is, if I do a good job, my name will ring out. The bad news is, if I make a mess of this, it could break everything and we will go out of business. Well, OK, we won't go out of business, but people will consider me a Small Tima, and laugh when they see my name in printed form.

This is actually good for me, because I do not make a habit of messing up. In baseball terms, I am a pretty decent choice for who you would want coming up to bat with two outs in the bottom of the ninth. I seem to work pretty well when stakes is high.

And before I go, let me leave you with this jewel: even mechanics walk around with their tool.

Честита Баба Марта!

2006-03-01T09:14:00.000+09:00

To all the Bulgarians in the house.

For the rest of you, I will update this entry later with an explanation. SFB might remember this: the First of March, red-and-white bracelet. Ringing bells, Chall?

Update: The Meaning of Баба Марта

From Wikipedia:

Baba Marta (Баба Марта, meaning Grandmother Marta in Bulgarian) is the name of a traditional Bulgarian custom celebrated on March 1 each year, symbolizing the coming of the spring season. Bulgarians wear martenitsi (singular martenitsa) to observe the occasion. The martenitsi are signs of good luck and health.

I have celebrated the First of March for the past three (or four? five?) years with my wife Delyana (a Bulgarian, for those of you who have not figured this out yet) by tying on a red-and-white мартеница (martenitsa). According to tradition, when you see the first stork of spring, you should remove your martenitsa and tie it on a tree. Of course, Wikipedia being the fount of knowledge that it is, I just discovered that in some parts of Bulgaria, you put your "spent" martenitsa under a stone, and depending on which insect happens along first, your luck for the year is set.

So for me, the second half of February is always something to look forward to, for we will be receiving martenitsi in the mail from each of Lyani's relatives. So come the first of March, we have a huge selection of martenitsi from which to choose. Lyani's approach to this "problem" is simply to wear her favourite four to seven, while I--concerned with being "manly"--choose to wear only one minimalistic bracelet. The others, we place around the house.

Of course, this year, Yatsu demanded a martenitsa for himself, which he has been wearing as a necktie. According to him, it has brought the good luck it is supposed to; apparently his consulting business is doing better than ever before. When pressed about the actual nature of his consulting work, he tends to answer something like, "I develop high-value solutions focusing on efficiency, both process- and materials-oriented, based on the exact needs of the client, and taking into consideration the external factors congruent to the scenario."

OK, bear, whatever.

Bulgaria has lots of interesting traditions, so I will attempt to keep you foreigners appraised of them as they become seasonal. :)

Speaking of which, today (March 3) is Liberation Day, a public holiday that commemorates the liberation of Bulgaria from Ottoman rule, in 1878.

Kids in Candy Stores Should Not Throw Glass Slippers!

2006-02-28T09:45:00.000+09:00

...or something very much like that. (You know, as an aside, why is there not a MetaphorMixmaster.com, where people post the most ridiculously shaken-not-stirred metaphors that they have heard? If any--either?--of my readers can point me to a repository of mixed metaphors on the 'Net, it will probably net you some free Amazon.co.jp swag.)

So the point of this entry is to share with you how wonderful it is for this lifelong reading addict to work in the Fulfillment Center that is responsible for servicing all of Amazon.co.jp's book orders. You know, like a kid in a candy store?

Seriously. Our warehouse contains more books than any brick-and-mortar bookstore in the world, I would imagine. It is longer than a football field (to Americans, that should mean 100 yards; to the rest of the world, 100 metres) and at least half as wide. That is a lot of books, and it takes a long time to walk past them when I have to visit the warehouse floor for some systems administration action.

There is some drooling, but I am careful not to get it on the merchandise.

I love books. If you love me, why not buy me some? :)

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain

2006-02-27T16:30:00.000+09:00

Apparently a new law has just passed simultaneously in Japan, the US, and New Zealand, saying that if you have a blog, you must post the following Chuck Norris facts:

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Chuck Norris loves you.

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

Thanks to Matthew for notifying me of the new law, thus saving me from undoubtedly hefty fines. Or maybe a visit from The Chuckwagon himself.

SFB, you'd better tell your brother to step up and provide a Steven Seagal list, or else I shall declare Chuck Norris the Baddest Bad-ass of the Blogosphere!

Pouring Beer, the Kirin Way

2006-02-26T18:59:00.000+09:00

Not only does my wife not disapprove of my beer habit (probably because I have managed to lose about four kilograms since moving to Japan), but she even encourages it.

To wit:

She came home excitedly last Friday, after a tour of the Kirin Brewery (established in Tsurumi-ku, Yokohama in 1907 with help from Thomas Glover, the Scottish trader), claiming that not only had the tour left her with a powerful thirst for the juices of the barley, but that she had also mastered a fell new pouring technique that was guaranteed (she claimed) to increase the flava four-fold fo' sho!

So I picked up the Asahi "All Malt Beer" sampler pack last night, and Lyani demonstrated the secret Kirin pouring technique, which I shall now reveal to you, oh fortunate reader of my blog, since I fear not the Kirin ninja that are surely being dispatched to dispatch me, even as you read these very words!

Oh yeah, the pouring technique. Here goes:

1. Find yourself a fine beer mug.
2. Purchase a good lager or pilsner--stout requires a slightly different pouring technique.
3. Set the glass in a well-lit place and open the can of beer.
4. Position the can about a centimetre (half an inch, roughly) above the rim of the glass and start pouring.
5. Immediately move the can 12-15 centimetres (about five to six inches, I think) above the rim, still pouring. (Actually, the only reason that you start lower is to prevent spilling, which is a mortal sin, you see.)
6. As soon as the head rises near the top of the glass, stop pouring. You should have exhausted between a third and a half of a normal 350 mL can (12 oz, right?).
7. Wait for the head to settle so that the glass is half beer, half head.
8. Start pouring again, starting from a centimetre or two and immediately raising the can to 12-15.
9. Stop pouring when the head threatens to overflow the glass.
10. Wait again, this time until the glass is four parts beer to only one part head.
11. Position the can about two centimetres above the rim, right in the middle of the glass, and pour slowly into the centre of the head.
12. Pour until you empty the can or the head gets too high, whichever comes first. Because of the way you pour, the head should be concave, and it should safely sit almost two centimetres above the rim of the glass. Purty!
13. Wait! I know it looks good, but wait maybe 20 seconds for the head to settle before taking your first pull.
14. Put your lips on the rim of the glass and drink deeply. Make sure not to drink the head; let it hit your upper lip and form a tasty moustache, which you should feel free to loudly slurp off only after you have put your glass down.

Enjoy responsibly!

Leave it to the Japanese to engineer every process down to the most efficient. :)

The Political Compass

2006-02-26T18:44:00.000+09:00

Thanks to Sad Faced Boy for pointing me to The Political Compass. Here, once and for all, is where I stand politically:

Gee, this should surprise like, no-one that has ever read my blog or met me. :)

I guess a little explanation is due. From the page:

There's abundant evidence for the need of it. The old one-dimensional categories of 'right' and 'left' , established for the seating arrangement of the French National Assembly of 1789, are overly simplistic for today's complex political landscape. For example, who are the 'conservatives' in today's Russia? Are they the unreconstructed Stalinists, or the reformers who have adopted the right-wing views of conservatives like Margaret Thatcher ?

On the standard left-right scale, how do you distinguish leftists like Stalin and Gandhi? It's not sufficient to say that Stalin was simply more left than Gandhi. There are fundamental political differences between them that the old categories on their own can't explain. Similarly, we generally describe social reactionaries as 'right-wingers', yet that leaves left-wing reactionaries like Robert Mugabe and Pol Pot off the hook.

That's about as much as we should tell you for now.

So take the test, and if you want to, feel free to share the results in the comments section. Just paste in the "Show graph on separate page for printing" link that shows up beneath the graph of your results.

Toilet Humour

2006-02-26T17:39:00.000+09:00

This is to quell all the cries of "more wacky Japan posts, foo!" that have been raised recently.

I get to the office every morning at 08:00, which is roughly far too early. I mean, seeing that I have to get up at 06:00 every morning in order to make it to the office by 08:00.

It just so happens that 08:00 is also the time when the men's bathroom is cleaned (or at least, the first time of the day--seems like they give it a quick cleaning every hour or so). I always pop in there to wash my hands after getting off the train (you know, health first and all), and sometimes the large cup of coffee that I drink on the train warrants a little bladder relief, as well.

And why, you may be wondering, am I going into far more detail about my daily urination routine than you strictly need to know?

I am setting you up for another installment of "Life in Japan is Wacky", that's why! (Silly rabbit!)

You see, the cleaning ladies are, well, ladies. And they most certainly do not vacate the bathroom when I say 「ちょうっといいですか？」 (chotto ii desuka--"may I?"). Nor do they leave when I head for the urinal, stand there meaningfully, unzip my trousers... etc. They remain there, doing their cleaning thing, for the duration of my, erm, work.

This is not an unusual thing, either. In some buildings in Japan, they will close off the restroom while it being cleaned. In some, they will not. And quite often, you will be in there, taking care of some business, when a cleaning lady waltzes in and goes to work on the urinal right next to you.

If you are American, this will shock the shite out of you (though not literally, one hopes) the first time or time it happens.

If you are Japanese, on the other hand, this is not surprising at all. The reason for this being, of course, that segregation of the sexes is a relatively recent development in Japanese toliet and bathing facilities. To this day, you can still find mixed-sex toilets. They are relatively rare in Tokyo, but out in the 田舎 (that would be inaka, or "country"), you can probably find one or two.

Even in Tokyo, it is not at all uncommon--in a bar or small restaurant--to find that the joint has but one toilet, single occupancy. Of course, this is not terribly worrisome for men, since there will not be women in the same room as you when you are trying to take care of some important stuff.

Co-ed 温泉 (onsen--hot springs) are also still existent in Japan. I personally have not been to one, and have no real desire to be naked with strange women (before you start the nudge nudge, wink wink-ing, remember that, statistically speaking, many of these women will not be models, actresses, and J-Pop songstresses).

OK, so that is difference from men's bathrooms in the US number one: there may be women present.

Difference number two? In the US, as all men know (but women apparently do not?), talking at the urinal is strictly verboten! Talking at the sink is frowned upon, but allowed in some circumstances, I suppose.

Japanese men, while thankfully observing all the same rules of urinal selection that we use in the West (namely, maximise the number of unoccupied urinals between you and the next guy), have no such reluctance when it comes to cracking jokes, continuing conversations, etc.

Which is quite awkward for me, let me tell you. I have gotten used to the cleaning ladies by now, but having another chap talk at you while you are trying to concentrate on, well, the matter at hand, is quite off-putting.

And there you have it: Crazy Japan Stories.(TM)